Guardian 'Hacking Phones To Get Incredibly Boring Stories'
THE Guardian has been accused of hacking into mobile phones to acquire its seemingly never-ending series of incredibly tedious articles.
Suspicions were raised earlier this year after the paper published its 37,224th utterly dreary front page in a row.
Media experts and rival news organisations now claim the upmarket daily must be using illegal eavesdropping techniques to maintain this level of spectacularly uninteresting journalism.
Media analyst, Julian Cook, said: “Somehow they can take even a really fascinating story and make it suicidally dull. And then do it over and over and over again. You can’t do that with ordinary journalistic methods.
“It now seems clear they’re hacking into the phones of some of the most boring people in Britain and then using that tiresomeness to produce their insipid, monotonous, left-wing bullshit.”
Guardian reader Tom Logan, from Finsbury Park, said: “I did start to wonder after reading Polly Toynbee’s column for what felt like the billionth time.
“Then I realised that she must be eavesdropping on some unbearable fucking mung bean-eating lesbian teaching assistant who just won’t stop going on about the importance of local education authorities and funding for drug addict five-a-side teams.
“I read the News of the World now. It’s full of stuff about screwing and football. And occasionally they get this man to dress up as a sheik and make Sarah Ferguson look like a nutter. I can’t put the fucking thing down.”
He added: “And of course it almost goes without saying that George Monbiot is clearly hacking into the mobile of an eight year-old girl whose just seen FernGully: The Last Rainforest.”