Hairy slob in cheap trousers represents ‘average man’

A WHOLLY unremarkable, paunchy slob from Birmingham perfectly represents the man of today, it has been claimed.

He's like Kim Kardashian with Cup-A-Soup stains

The announcement comes following a tabloid furore over whether ‘Posh Spice’, an emaciated millionairess with fake tits, or ‘Jordan’, a slightly less emaciated millionairess with fake tits, best epitomises the typical woman.

38-year-old Dave, who works in an office, said in response to his accolade: “Oh right. Where’s my socks?

“I’m hungry, is there any crisps?”

Britain’s gender archetypes are determined annually by a group of people who hate people, which includes representatives from the advertising industry, television and the Daily Mail.

A media industry spokesman said: “Using sophisticated marketing algorithms, we have figured that females are most receptive to the purchase of crud when aspiring to be a neurotic super-geisha with a tiny dog and a house like a space station.

“Men are harder to crack because they have less self-esteem to destroy. So generally they’re better off providing the comic relief in adverts for cleaning goods.

“For example, the woman is frantically mopping the floor prior to a business meeting when her husbands shuffle in in his pants and accidentally tips custard all over to floor, then punches his forehead and goes ‘oh no, I am such a clown!'”

Woman Emma Bradford said: “I’m fairly sure I’m nothing like Victoria Beckham, who looks like a snake struggling to digest a pair of breast-sized eggs. And Jordan…well I’m fairly sure I’ve never had Dane Bowers’s big toe in my vagina.

“Dear God, there must be something wrong with me.”