I Do Not Love The Ginger Ones, Says Santa
SANTA Claus last night condemned ginger haired children, insisting they freak him out and will never be welcome at the North Pole.
Santa issued an angry statement after it emerged the supermarket chain Tesco was selling Christmas cards claiming he regarded ginger children as being equal to other kinds of children.
He said: "I want to make it absolutely clear that I do not love the ginger ones. In fact, I hate them. They make me physically sick.
"Whenever I see one I get totally creeped out. It's like their little ginger fingers are crawling all over my body. And they smell absolutely revolting.
"Occasionally one of them will wake up during the night and I'll drop down the chimney only to find myself face to face with this abomination.
"They give my reindeers the most appalling diarrhea and the elves suffer from horrifying, vivid nightmares which, as I'm sure you can imagine, leads to some very disturbing toys.
"Couldn't we make them all go and live on the Isle of Man or something? Or what about Wales? That would certainly make me a lot jollier."
But Davinia Phillips, a mother of three gingers from York, has complained to Tesco insisting the card contravenes her right to have everything exactly the way she wants it all the time and to never be annoyed by anything.
Santa added: "Everyone knows that if you hug a ginger child it will explode."