Intelligence-Boosting Drugs Make Children Question Point Of Exams
SCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.
After doubling their IQs with pharmaceuticals, many pupils have completely lost faith in the idea of working hard at school in the vain hope of landing a repetitive office job with some hateful corporation and then handing most of their earnings straight to the government.
Kyle Stephenson, a 13-year-old Reminyl user, said: "My parents' generation worked hard at school, got so-called 'jobs' and slaved for decades to achieve an onerous mortgage, matching stomach ulcers and a deep reservoir of poisonous resentment.
"Therefore I could continue to diligently study oxbow lakes and isoceles triangles in the hope of getting sufficiently decent grades to join them on the soulless hamster wheel of modern life, or I could find a nice tree and sit under it playing the bongos and toying with my genitals.
"Who amongst you would dare to call me 'time-waster?'"
Fifteen year-old Donna Sheridan was predicting five Bs and four Cs before her parents put her on a course of drugs that boosted her IQ to 296.
She said: "My former interests in Twilight and being fingered have been eroded by a growing awareness that humanity is operating on a broken template, the dogged pursuance of which will lead to its unavoidable annihilation.
"Simultaneously I have come to the realisation that most of my teachers have little more than a rudimentary grasp of their supposedly specialist subject, having fallen into their career with a mixture of apathy and grim resignation after their true ambitions were thwarted by misfortune or lack of talent.
"Hence I can't be arsed to go to my French listening test and there's fuck all you can do about it."