Interns to be paid for the work they create
THE slack-jawed offspring of company executives should be paid for the extra tasks they generate during work experience, it has been claimed.
The Conferedation of British Industry estimates the expensively-educated and preternaturally sluggish children of Britain’s senior management currently generate 43% of the country’s workload.
A CBI spokesman said: “These dopey, very tall, price-of-everything-value-of-nothing young people deserve to share in the GDP they generate by doing simple tasks badly, throwing important documents in a skip and opening email attachments entitled ‘Massive Virus’.
“At the moment most of them are forced to exist on nothing except the full-board, generous weekly allowance and fortnightly snowboarding sabbaticals provided by their fathers.”
Tom Logan, 22, said: “Sometimes people don’t take interns seriously but I was in dad’s office for three days last week, excluding the time off I needed to buy a scooter.
“On Tuesday I had to go to the warehouse. It was full of stocky men with body odour and accents. I didn’t like it. So I accidentally spilled my Ribena on one of the machines and left.”
Meanwhile critics of the internship culture insist it should be opened up so that it can give false hope to poor people.
Personnel consultant Nikki Hollis said: “We could trick them into knuckling down instead of stealing our cars and making noise in the street at night. It’ll be like Jamie’s Dream School, but with arguments about staplers.
“If just one of them goes away with the misconception that success in this country is somehow linked to merit it will all have been worth it it.”