the dailymash

This bungalow does not have wheels

As Basildon Council begins the process of enforcing the same laws which allow feminist eco-homes, the families of Dale Farm defended their traditional, ethnic practice of building a horrid little bungalow in the middle of a field.

Declan O’Reilly said: “Since the time of King Arthur we have been travelling the countryside, dispensing wisdom and good luck while keeping an eye out for a sweet land deal and then doing whatever the fuck we want.

“People round here hate us because we’re so different and magical.”

But local resident Martin Bishop said: “No, it’s because you don’t have planning permission. I wanted to build an extension but got turned down. I asked the council what would happen if I built it anyway and they said they would demolish it. I asked them if that was the law and they said I simply would not believe the extent to which that was the law.”

Bishop added: “I also wanted to set up a siren testing facility right next to Dale Farm, but I couldn’t get planning permission.”

A council spokesman said: “There have been claims the travellers didn’t know much about planning laws in which case they’re probably a bit confused as to why there aren’t houses absolutely everywhere.

“But one of them has a huge, two-year old Jag so we’re guessing they’re not that confused.”

Another local resident, Jane Thompson, said: “I’ve got nothing against people who roam the countryside while not leaving a horrible mess and being really nice to everybody. I would gladly grant them planning permission in my heart.

“But some of them have been at Dale Farm at least 10 years. Forgive me for saying so, but they don’t seem to be very good at travelling.”