the dailymash

Christian groups are outraged at the play, Jesus, Queen of Fire Island, which portrays Christ as a God trapped inside the body of a broad-shouldered woman with chunky thighs.

Outside the theatre in Glasgow the protesters sang manly hymns and waved makeshift placards with slogans including 'Jesus was not Alison Moyet' and 'My God could kick your head in'.

Roy Hobbs, an evangelist from Stevenage, said: "Careful reading of Matthew tells us that Jesus enjoyed golf, good Scotch and big, fat cigars. He also killed animals for sport."

He added: "But to me Jesus is, essentially, Crocodile Dundee. I imagine him chasing the money-changers from the temple and being confronted by a man holding a penknife before smiling, pulling a machete from his loin cloth and saying 'no mate, this is a knife'."

Margaret Gerving a retired headmistress who had travelled from Surrey, said: "I imagine Jesus as being a bit like Nicholas Cage in Con Air. All biceps and raw power. Sometimes I dream about the two of us spending a long weekend together in the Lake District."

She added: "With no pants on."

And the Right Reverend Tom Booker, deacon of Grantham Cathedral, backed the protest saying: "Is there anything more manly than a simple carpenter, with his tool belt, his quiet dignity and his sculpted body glistening with grimy sweat?"

But Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams sought to ease tensions insisting that both sides should remember that Jesus was just an ordinary human who could raise the dead, turn water into wine and stand on top of a lake.

A spokesman for the National Council of Atheists added: "If it's any compensation, the play does sound absolutely dreadful."