London sacrifices virgins after light dusting of snow

16-12-09

'The Wicker Man' film - 2006

SOCIAL order crumbled amid mass executions of sacrificial virgins as London was battered with a light dusting of snow.

A spokesman for the Greater London Authority said: “We can’t save the people of Putney now, we can only pray that the gods spare them. All we can do is hope the blood of 100 virgins appeases the snow sprites and makes the roads usable once more.”

Many famous London landmarks, including the National Gallery and Madam Tussaud’s are currently ablaze as locals try to ward off the white terror.

This evening will see the sacrificial virgins placed inside a giant wicker man in Trafalgar Square. The ceremony has not been conducted since 1751, when half of London died as several ponds froze over for three days.

Martin Bishop, a Carlisle-born builder working in London, said: “They’re like this all the time. You should have seen my neighbours when some of their roof tiles blew off last winter. You couldn’t move for slaughtered chickens in our cul de sac.”

  • Share: