London To Be Socially Cleansed After Child Bitten By Poor Person
LONDON’S poor are to be culled after a child was bitten by an unemployed adult male.
A cheese and onion pasty should also do the business
The attack ignited growing concerns that the metropolitan poor have lost their fear of middle to high-income earners. Now London councils are preparing to deploy a combination of trained marksmen and snares baited with Greggs’ steak slices.
Emma Bradford, from Islington, was walking with her five year-old daughter Rosie in Hyde Park when they were set upon by a poor person.
She said: “Rosie loves the poor and if she sees one when we’re out she always wants to stroke it. I have tried to explain that although they look like the tame ones who clean the house on Thursdays, they’re wild and unpredictable.
“As it happened I was on the mobile talking about how cupcakes are becoming passé when I heard a piercing scream. Rosie had been bitten on the arm by a large, adult male in market-bought sports casualwear.
“The wound will leave a scar that means my daughter is no longer perfectly symmetrical.”
She added: “They’ve been getting increasingly confident in the last year. Whenever I see one in the garden I bang the sink with a spoon until it runs away.”
Poor person control operative Roy Hobbs said: “Hard times have forced the poor out of their natural environments like the post office or Cash Converters.
“They tend to scavenge in bins, and although they don’t eat vegetables or nice food they will make an awful mess emptying bin bags while searching for fried chicken cubelets.”
He added: “I use a .22 rifle. It’s quick and humane provided you get a clean head shot. Although it’s fine to just hit them with a shovel if there’s no kids about.”
