Lying about the length of your commute is lying to yourself

LYING to friends and colleagues by claiming your commute is 20 minutes shorter than it is means you are lying to yourself, experts have confirmed. 

Solicitor and habitual commute-shortener Carolyn Ryan said: “I’m lucky. I only have to hop on a bus into Dudley, then it’s a direct train to Birmingham New Street. A breezy 45 minutes, maybe 50 on a bad day.

“I get all the benefit of living in the countryside while having all the amenities of the city. Hashtag winning.”

But colleague Joanna Kramer said: “I’ve seen Carolyn at the bus stop and I know that journey’s an hour plus easily. 90 minutes if something fucks up. I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling.

“Meanwhile, because I drive, I’m here in probably not much more than half-an-hour. Traffic? I’m very good at dodging that.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Commuters lie because otherwise they would have to admit they spend ten or more hours a week bored, frustrated and wasting their lives.

“But ultimately, they are lying only to themselves. And, despite what Carolyn tells her doctor, she also still smokes.”