A MAN has confirmed that mindfulness has helped him calmly acknowledge and accept his own twattishness.
Brand consultant Joseph Turner believes that only by meditating on his own feelings, without judging them right or wrong, could he come to terms with what an absolute twat he really is.
He admitted: “At first I was doubtful, because mindfulness is so twatty to begin with and I’d been avoiding anything like that in denial of my nature.
“But when I sat down and really paid attention to the present moment, allowing myself to feel my superiority over my brother-in-law because my trainers are a more limited edition than his, something changed in me.
“I could stand back and see the pattern of my thoughts – choosing a different coffee every day to confuse the intern, mobile conversations on the train about my safari holiday, my love of Chris Moyles – and suddenly it was so clear.
“I am a twat, and I don’t need to be ashamed of it any longer.
“I practice mindfulness once every day now, always making sure to tell everyone about it beforehand. If anything I’m getting even twattier.”
