Men who 'care about their appearance' more likely to be twats

18-07-13

manfacial

MEN who work out and buy facial products are more likely to be twats, it has emerged.

As sale figures confirmed the growing popularity of ‘grooming products’, experts confirmed a link between using male face ointment and being some kind of idiot.

Professor Julian Cook, from Roehampton University, said: “Just because you rub oil-based cream into your face, it does not mean you are a more enlightened man who understands complex emotions.

“You’re just a dick who does as instructed by television advertisers, And you want to be on TOWIE.

“Most ‘metrosexual’ men wean themselves on a diet of glossy men’s magazines with articles about protein supplements and how to get women to do sex things they don’t really want to do.

“They are clinically insane.”

77% of random street violence last year was carried out by men with exfoliated pores and scoop-neck designer t-shirts.

Professor Cook added: “Meathead-type men who wear concealer are very dangerous because they’re acutely paranoid that everyone’s going to start mocking them. Steroids and Clinique are not a good combination.”

26-year-old account executive Tom Booker said: “It’s important to me that I look good. More important, in fact, than anything else in the universe.

“Does that make me a twat?”

  • Share:

  • Daily Mash shirts advert