Men who 'care about their appearance' more likely to be twats

18-07-13

MEN who work out and buy facial products are more likely to be twats, it has emerged.

Your 'beauty crusade' is beneath contempt

Your ‘beauty crusade’ is beneath contempt

As sale figures confirmed the growing popularity of ‘grooming products’, experts confirmed a link between using male face ointment and being some kind of idiot.

Professor Julian Cook of Roehampton University said: “Just because you rub oil-based cream into your face, it does not mean you are a more enlightened man who understands complex emotions.

“You’re just a dick who does as instructed by television advertisers, and you want to be on TOWIE or are a ‘funky house’ DJ.

“Most ‘metrosexual’ men wean themselves on a diet of glossy men’s magazines with articles about protein supplements and how to get women to do sex things they don’t really want to do.

“They are clinically insane.”

77% of random street violence last year was carried out by men with exfoliated pores and scoop-neck designer t-shirts.

Professor Cook said: “Meathead-type men who wear concealer are very dangerous because they’re acutely paranoid that everyone’s going to start mocking them. Steroids and Clinique are not a good combination.”

26-year-old account executive Tom Booker said: “It’s important to me that I look good. More important, in fact, than anything else in the universe.

“Does that make me a twat?”

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