the dailymash

Announcing his resignation as Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Blair said he had sat through several meetings with Mr Johnson instead of simply filling him with hot lead.

He added: "He's a chunky fellow and his bulky frame could easily have been mistaken for an exploding vest.

"No-one would have doubted my commitment to national security and the only people asking questions would be health and safety, checking to see if I'd washed my hands."

Sir Ian also said he regretted giving a £15,000 contract to a friend when he could just as easily have shot him in the face.

"I have been guilty of poor judgement. When Andy Miller asked to be considered for the job I should have chased him into a tube station and executed him.

"Likewise, when Tarique Ghaffur accused me of racism I should simply have followed him home and gunned him down in his driveway. He's a brown person, no-one would have cared."

Meanwhile home secretary Jacqui Smith claimed Sir Ian had been sacked for no other reason than he was a national embarrassment who did whatever the Labour Party told him to.