MIDDLE class children are asking for large, brightly coloured plastic toys for Christmas that will ruin their parent’s tasteful lifestyle.
The children have admitted they just enjoy pissing off their pretentious parents who would rather they play with stylish things that do not clash with the furniture.
Three year-old Nathan Muir said: “Before I was born my parents spent ages choosing Farrow & Ball paint and Ercol chairs so they could create a beautiful, minimal home that looked like something out of a Scandinavian crime drama.
“I was meant to complete their fantasy middle-class lifestyle. At first it was fine because they could just leave me in a wicker basket with an expensive blanket that complimented the colour scheme.
“Then they insisted on only giving me wooden blocks in neutral colours and felt dolls that looked fabulous next to the Moroccan throw cushions.
“Now I’m going to totally fuck it all up by asking for the largest, tackiest, gaudiest toys available and then chuck them all over the house.”
He added: “It will be the first in a long line of things I do simply to get on their tits.”
