Ministers to tackle greenbelt backlash with 4m Hobbit holes
MINISTER are to tackle rising anger over new planning laws by pledging to dig more than 4m new Hobbit holes over the next 10 years.
Countryside campaigners have teamed up with people who think the world was made just for them to oppose government plans to make sure there are houses and stuff.
Meanwhile growing numbers of backbench Tory MPs have joined the protest insisting their constituencies will fill up with greasy, public sector workers who tend not to vote for MPs who enjoy describing them as ‘sewer rats’.
Now deputy planning minister Denys Hatton has said greenbelt worries can be eased by creating millions of cuddly, cosy underground homes with big, round doors.
He said: “If you can’t see it then it’s as if it isn’t even there. And let’s be honest, who does not break into a broad smile at the thought of lovely green Hobbit door?
“You can just imagine Bilbo in there sucking on his long, clay pipe and telling his dragon stories before nipping to the Shire Retail Park and Bowlarama via the Rivendell Bypass.”
He added: “Alternatively we just keep adding floors to high rise blocks of flats. But then eventually they will topple over like some 10 mile-high jenga tower and end up covering the green belt anyway.”
Campaigners welcomed the government’s conversion to Hobbit engineering, but stressed the holes would still contain strangers.
Martin Bishop, chairman of Hampshire Says Fuck You, said: “Just because some bloody social worker lives in a hole doesn’t mean I want them drinking in my pub.
“Then again, I suppose it would be quite easy to block up the hole until it’s no longer an issue.”