Ninety-Nine Percent Have Fuck All Anyway


MILLIONS of Britons last night realised the collapse of the banking system meant nothing to them as they have no money anyway.

Many people's savings have Dolby Surround

As Gordon Brown unveiled his latest multi-billion pound guess, people across the country said not only do they have no savings but they do not know anyone who does.

Tom Logan, an IT consultant from Peterborough, said: "I've got a £3000 overdraft, a £17,000 car loan and a mortgage the size of Canada – does that count as savings?

"I always assumed that if the banks went down all my debts would be cancelled and I'd get a free house."

He added: "I think we should let one or two of them collapse. Just to see what happens."

Charlie Reeves, a salesman from Bristol, said: "Why do we need banks? I'm more than happy to pay cash for my lager and my cheese products. And the guy who sells me knocked-off Bulgarian pornography does not – and never will – accept Visa."

He added: "Who the fuck is saving all this money? Old people? Is that it? We're going through all of this for old people?

"Can't we send them all on a cruise during which there would be the most appalling 'tragedy'?

"Then we'd just have lots of half-pissed, cheese-eating porn fiends with a wallet full of tenners.

"Why not?"

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