Offices Brace Themselves For Blue Smartie Conversations
PUBS and offices across Britain are bracing themselves for thousands of tortuous conversations about the return of blue Smarties.
Britain's Smartie fans are believed to be tingling with anticipation after food scientists discovered a non-fatal method for producing blue versions of the popular, sugar-coated chocolate sweets.
Following Royal Assent, they are expected to be re-introduced next month. The occasion will be marked with a full day of programmes on Channel Four.
Meanwhile work-based conversations are expected to start with a comparison of the different types of Smarties, with many insisting that the blue ones actually tasted better. However this will quickly be countered with a passionate defence of red and orange Smarties.
After half an hour someone from the legal department is expected to point out that blue is not, in fact, a 'flavour' and that they all taste exactly the same.
The conversation will then break for lunch while everyone goes to WH Smith for a coronation chicken sandwich, a can of Diet Fanta and some Smarties.
The afternoon session will include a comparative study of Smarties, Buttons, Minstrels and M&Ms, also known as 'the American Smarties'.
After a failed attempt to veer the discussion towards Fruit Pastilles, there will be a vague and slightly uncomfortable dialogue about how 'Blue Smarties' is supposed to be street code for some kind of drug, maybe ecstasy or the one used by those perverts who stuff tangerines in their mouths.
The conversation will then continue in the pub, where a light-hearted debate about using a Smartie tube as a telescope will eventually develop into a full-blown fist fight about the size of your cock.