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04-11-09 |
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BRITAIN'S oiks were last night on the brink of surrender.
 Scourge of the Oiks
Charlie Reeves, a ruffian from Stepney, said: "They've only gone and got flippin' bicycles now. We're done for right good and proper and no mistake guv'nor.
"I should mend me ways, so I should. Dress all gentleman-like and get a job on the railways. I'll be like 'Return ticket to Southend madam? That'll be two and six'. Yeah, that's the job for me."
Tommy Booker, a toerag from Hackney, added: "The game's up for the likes of us.
"Time was an oik and a scallywag could get together with a couple o' right old bastards and make merry 'ell up and down the Roman Road.
"But now I 'ave seen the error of me ways. I've packed me meagre possessions into an old 'ankerchief and I'm off to the Square Mile to make me fortune.
"Who knows, one day I may even have a bicycle of me own. And wouldn't that be a proper turn up?"
But Mary Fisher, a rascal and part-time skank from Catford, said: "It's come to a pretty pass when a gang of lady oiks is scared off by the Mayor of London, I'll be bound.
"I ain't frit of some old geezer on a bicycle. Do your worst you blond-haired nonce."
She added: "Don't suppose you fancy a quick trip on the old Dutch Steamboat? You look like a nice fella, I'll do you for a fiver and a bucket o' whelks."
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