Society

Show-off couple to have twins

A FLASHY couple are expecting twins just to go one better than their friends with only one baby.

Passenger requesting refund taking the absolute piss, says train company

A TRAIN operator cannot believe the fucking nerve of a passenger who is demanding a refund because his train was 90 minutes late.

Couple who 'don’t have to talk all the time' clearly going to split up

A COUPLE who claim to enjoy spending long periods of time in silence are quite obviously doomed, it has emerged.

Annoying principled friend wants you to sign yet another petition

A TIRESOME friend wants you to take two seconds to help yet another persecuted group of people and or animals.

'Going up the Shard' probably a euphemism

A COUPLE planning to 'go up the Shard' later are probably talking about a sex thing, it has been claimed.

Moron predictably has plan for tougher prisons

A MAN has had the unoriginal idea of making life in prison harsher in ways that would undoubtedly just cause more problems.

Man accidentally gives girlfriend Easter egg

A MAN has given his girlfriend an Easter egg after getting his dates mixed up.

Nobody actually wants to go out

EVERYONE who plans to go out is secretly hoping that their friends all drop out, it has been revealed.