Neighbour burning random shit in his garden again

A MAN has started burning random crap in his garden again, his neighbours have confirmed.

Man who chose brother as best man told to try harder

A MAN who has chosen his brother as best man for his upcoming wedding has been told to go back and make a proper decision.

Adults encouraged to embrace their inner grown-up

ADULTS have been urged to unlock their full potential by finding their 'inner grown up'.

Mortarboards added to list of things students must be protected from

MORTARBOARDS have joined ‘ideas’ and 'the past' on a list of things that students should be afraid of.

Minor achievement rewarded with three-day bender

A MAN has gone on a three-day bender to reward himself for a relatively small life achievement, it has emerged.

Woman believes in life after death but not in a ridiculous Christian way

A WOMAN is convinced there is life after death but without the unfashionable Christian elements, she has revealed.

Normal mugs almost wiped out by aggressive Sports Direct mugs

BRITAIN’S indigenous mugs are being wiped out by the larger and more aggressive Sports Direct mugs.

Hungover office worker convinced headphones make him invisible

A HUNGOVER office worker is this morning hoping that wearing headphones will somehow make him invisible.