THE government is to tackle food poverty by officially doubling the five allowable seconds for food dropped on the floor.
GCSE French textbooks are to be enhanced with stories of extra-marital liaisons.
BRITISH people are to receive coaching in how to split up with each other.
UKIP is to buy houses in Stevenage until it can take over the town and turn it into a self-governing ‘mini-Britain’.
AN East London 'craft ale' pub offers almost a thousand largely indistinguishable artisan beers.
CHILDREN'S game Moshi Monsters has been attacked by parents for having characters named Cockmonger, Twatsy and Big Arsehole.
MIDDLE class people share 100% of their genetic material with working class people, it has emerged.
38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has still not returned to work after the Christmas break, sparking widespread speculation.