Society

Parents realise child's first birthday party is total waste of time

A CHILD’S first birthday was marked by his parents going out for a meal, they confirmed.

Woman manages to delete Facebook app without making a huge fuss

A WOMAN has caused concern among her friends by deleting Facebook from her phone without making a big deal out if it

Teabag not given proper two-hour side-of-sink mourning period

NORTHERN parents are furious with their son for throwing a used teabag straight in the bin instead of showing it the proper respect.

Royalists now just weird people

THE only people who support the monarchy are rather strange with a lot of time on their hands, it has emerged.

Mums vow to keep you updated on people you barely knew at school

MUMS have renewed their pledge to keep phoning with news about people you didn’t really know at school.

Liking mornings linked to being stupid

PEOPLE who are upbeat in the morning have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.

Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

ADULTS are violently arguing in an office this morning because of the public’s decision to give a boat a stupid name.

Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers.