New regulator leads to massive improvement in press behaviour

BRITAIN’S newspapers have undergone a moral transformation thanks to the introduction of a new regulator.

Married friends sit back to see if singles will mate

A COUPLE who invited an unattached man and a recently divorced woman to a dinner party are hoping they will breed.

Pirate role play limited to saying ‘Aaar'

PIRATE personas are limited to saying one syllable in a funny voice, it has been confirmed.

School suspends pupil with 'F**K SCHOOL' haircut

A 10-YEAR-OLD has been suspended by her headmaster just for having an obscene anti-school slogan shaved into her hair.

Tailgater astonished to discover further car just 30 yards ahead

A TAILGATER on the fast lane of the M1 has been shocked to discover another car a short distance ahead of the one that was blocking him.

I don’t want or need this and I hate myself, says purchaser of bread maker

THE new owner of a bread maker is considering taking the machine into the garden and smashing it into a million pieces.

Woman hopes to meet the right man then reject him because of a tiny superficial detail

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman is desperate to meet a suitable man then dump him because of a small detail in his looks or mannerisms.

Workers perplexed as colleague opts for wet-look gel

OFFICE staff were confused this morning after a colleague arrived with wet-look gel in his hair.