TOOLS for cutting holes in fences cost much less than music festival tickets, it has emerged.
AN attractive young woman in a pretty summer dress is putting men and woman alike in a terrible mood.
INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has been invaded by millions of Bulgarians and Romanians, but no one can tell because they are all pretending to be Irish, Nigel Farage has claimed.
THE Conservatives have pledged to introduce free lunches for primary school children with traditional, right-wing values.
PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.
THE police have apologised to anyone who thought they still solve crimes.
The school was made of purpose-built bricks and had doors where you could go in and out, mostly without being felt-up by some pervert.