Ironic moustaches defeated by deadly serious moustaches

MEN are no longer growing Movember moustaches for charity because they all have entirely serious moustaches already.

Poppies must be visible from every angle, say Poppy Police

REMEMBRANCE Day poppies must be worn to be visible from any angle to avoid disrespecting the fallen, the Poppy Police have confirmed.

Single woman imagines married friends give a shit about her love life

A SINGLE woman is convinced her coupled-up friends cannot wait to hear the latest instalment of the crazy rollercoaster that is her love life.

The Mash guide to the must-have toys this Christmas

CHRISTMAS is coming, and more importantly so is Black Friday, so it’s time for parents to dig deep and queue for eight hours for this year’s must-have toys.

Man's wellbeing improved by job on bullshit wellbeing survey

A MAN is much happier after getting a well-paid job on a dubious survey into the nation’s ‘wellbeing’, he has revealed.

Twats who moved out of London want a medal or something

A COUPLE who moved from London to Bristol are talking as if they’ve done something extremely brave.

You're the ones who are wrong, people who have already done Christmas shopping told

PEOPLE who have already finished their Christmas shopping have been told that they are the ones who are somehow deficient.

Woman using star sign as excuse for being total nightmare

A WOMAN is attempting to get away with being a bellend by claiming it’s because she is a Gemini, it has emerged.