Freak just sitting there not looking at technology

A MAN sitting in a cafe without looking at any sort of screen has been condemned as a freakish misfit.

Cameron assumes steel workers just become male strippers

STEELWORKERS can make a good living if they retrain as male strippers, David Cameron has announced.

Libraries have terrible business model, says government

LIBRARIES are never going to make money if they dish out books for free, the government has claimed.

Modern dads fine with mawkish baby bullshit

MODERN fathers are just as capable as mothers at getting tediously over-emotional about their babies, they have announced.

Umbrella users confirm total disregard for others

UMBRELLA users have announced that everyone else must get out of their way.

Northerner thinks everyone not from North is posh

A NORTHERNER is convinced that everyone from Southern England is upper class.

Clocks changed to maintain misery levels

BRITAIN’S getting-up time has been altered to prevent the workforce from becoming too happy.

Mum's email account hacked again

A MOTHER has had her email account hacked for the 14th time this month.