Woman disturbed by warm feelings for George Osborne

A WOMAN who found herself experiencing empathy for George Osborne is questioning her sanity, it has been confirmed.

This all your fault

THE screaming chaos presently engulfing the UK is entirely down to you, experts have confirmed.

Man who went to Glastonbury robbed of smug return to work

A MAN hoping to boast about how Glastonbury Festival changed his life has found that people simply could not give a shit.

Promising apple crop convinces Leavers they made the right decision

THE apple crops are looking much better this year, Leave voters have confirmed.

Entire family being melodramatic twats about Brexit

A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.

Britons slam government for letting them vote

MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.

‘Okay, what the Jesus f**king balls is going on?' asks Britain

EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.

Sharp drop in number of old ladies being helped across the road

THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.