Society

Men spend most of lives imagining they are manager of favourite football team with an unlimited budget

MEN spend around 60 per cent of their lives daydreaming about managing their favourite football team with unlimited money to spend on players, it has emerged.

Mum asking questions on Facebook like she's never heard of Google

A MUM is using Facebook to ask questions that would be easily answered with an internet search.

Businesswoman’s credibility undermined by partially faded nightclub stamp

A WOMAN’S otherwise convincing presentation has been undermined by the fading nightclub entry stamp on the back of her hand.

Friend of friend turns out to be massive arse

A FRIEND’S friend has revealed himself to be an unmitigated arsehole.

Normal people to commandeer the nice bits of hipsters' lifestyles

NORMAL people will be able to commandeer the lifestyle of a local hipster, it has been confirmed.

Man in great mood can’t tell anyone it’s because he’s scored coke

A MAN in an uncharacteristically buoyant mood is unable to tell his colleagues it is due to having scored two grams of cocaine for the weekend.

Man is being arbitrarily detained at Argos, UN rules

A MAN who has been waiting for his Argos purchase for more than 15 minutes is being arbitrarily detained in violation of his human rights, the UN has ruled.

Inflation ‘stable’ if you don’t include stuff that actually matters

INFLATION remains stable as long as you ignore all the things that have gone up enormously, experts have confirmed.