THE world is on the cusp of peak exhaustion after hitting peaks in every possible field.
17-YEAR-OLD driver Tom Logan is demanding petrol money from friends that is disproportionate to his actual fuel costs.
ECONOMIST Thomas Piketty's Capital is on course to become the most unread book of the early 21st Century.
THE virtue of wisdom has ended its affiliation with beards.
COUPLES with televisions in the bedroom enjoy better and more frequent sex by proxy, it has emerged.
EVERYONE who owns an Audi TT is living slightly beyond their means, it has emerged.
THOUSANDS of hen parties are preparing for raucous yet entirely fake fun.
BASICALLY is this year's top superfluous word, it has been confirmed.
- Government denies Buy A Massive House Free Money Woo Yeah! scheme is a stupid idea
- Fence-cutters far cheaper than festival tickets
- Pretty girl in summer dress is most depressing sight imaginable
- Public schools still top for producing bastards
- Bulgarians and Romanians are pretending to be Irish, claims Farage