Classic car owner dreaming of soulless, reliable modern car

THE owner of a character-filled 1960s car is desperate for one that is comfortable and does not constantly break down, he has revealed.

Man’s back-up career as unrealistic as dream career

AN ASPIRING musician has discovered that his fall-back career option of setting up a world-renowned record label is only marginally less impossible.

Friends make sure to get group photo of awful night out

AN AWFUL, depressing evening out has been immortalised in a cheerful group photo.

Can we do hanging next? asks Britain

BRITONS have demanded another important issue to vote on without much thought for the consequences.

Neighbourhood traumatised by uncovered knees

LOCALS are coming to terms with having seen their neighbour's weird knees over the weekend.

Young offenders sentenced to two weeks at service station on the M6

TWO youths convicted of selling cannabis in Wolverhampton have been sentenced to a fortnight at Hilton Park services on the M6.

Conspiracy theorists finally convinced no secret society could possibly be running this mess

CONSPIRACY theorists have finally been convinced there is no secret society running the country because no-one could possibly believe any of this was orchestrated.

Neighbour loving song that goes 'dun dun dun, dun-dun dun-dun dun dun'

THE RESIDENT of the flat next door likes the song that goes 'dun dun dun, dun-dun dun-dun dun dun’ so much she is playing it over and over again.