Society

UK basking in warm glow of victimhood

MILLIONS of perfectly normal Britons firmly believe they have some sort of ‘victim’ status, it has emerged.

Posh family basically takes over pub

A WEALTHY family leave their shit lying all around the pub whenever they visit.

Eighty percent would tell Dickensian Christmas ghosts to bugger off 


FOUR out of five people would completely fail to heed the lesson in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, experts have confirmed.  

Teenager buys CD of wartime songs for 44-year-old aunt

A TEENAGER has bought her 44-year-old aunt a CD of ‘wartime favourites’, it has emerged.

No one enjoying being in pub more than local dog 


ABSOLUTELY no one is enjoying being in the pub today more than a local dog, it has emerged.

Sitting in someone else’s train seat is UK’s most rebellious act

PEOPLE who sit in a ticketed seat on a busy train are rebellious heroes like Han Solo, it has been confirmed.

Man accidentally says 'she'd get it' while watching TV with his mum 


A MAN accidentally said 'she'd get it' while watching a television advert with his mother, it has been confirmed.

Pissed off Christmas trees refusing to leave loft in protest at 2016

BRITISH Christmas trees have said they cannot face being in living rooms after such a hellish year.