THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.
ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.
THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.
THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.
A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.
WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.
MILLIONS of Britons secretly enjoy Christmas and are actively looking forward to it.
THE Rochester house covered in England flags is a Marxist commune, it has emerged.