Society

Bowling only of interest to show-offs

TRIPS to bowling alleys are always organised by men who want to show off, it has emerged.

Polish man accused of deluging village

A POLISH man is overwhelming a village in Cornwall, it has been claimed.

Russell Brand’s revolution to consist mainly of nutters

THE vanguard of Russell Brand’s revolution will be people who are out of their minds, it has been confirmed.

Cold-calling divorce lawyers promise compensation for bad marriages

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

Soup claiming to be a full meal

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

Afterlife only for animals

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

Paranoia now part of national identity

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.

Hard kids get their own soft play centre

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.