Couple starting to wonder if argument is really about which tinned tomatoes to buy

A COUPLE disagreeing on which tinned tomatoes to buy are both wondering if the real problem lies elsewhere.

'This was a false flag' says arsehole who thinks everything is a f**king false flag

AN ARSEHOLE has claimed that every terrorist attack of the last 20 years was a 'false flag' perpetrated by the government.

12 things that make Manchester better than pretty much anywhere

1. It, obviously, has the best bands. Sorry Glasgow and wherever else bands come from.  

Cuts mean army can do lots of other 'police stuff', says May

THERESA May has confirmed the army will increasingly ‘stand in’ for the police while reassuring Britain that it is 'totally fine'.

Humanity levels raised to 'high'

LEVELS of kindness and co-operation across the UK have been raised to their highest point in recent history.

Everyone on crowded train delighted by precocious child

THE delightful antics of a wonderful, talented child have pleased everyone on a crowded train.

Woman's day ruined after discovering old school friend is successful

A WOMAN has ruined her day by Googling an old school friend and discovering she has become a surgeon.

Drinkers eagerly waiting for cocktail barman to f**k up

CUSTOMERS at a fancy cocktail bar are hoping against home that the smug ‘mixologist’ juggling bottles behind it breaks something soon.