Northerner thinks everyone not from North is posh

A NORTHERNER is convinced that everyone from Southern England is upper class.

Clocks changed to maintain misery levels

BRITAIN’S getting-up time has been altered to prevent the workforce from becoming too happy.

Mum's email account hacked again

A MOTHER has had her email account hacked for the 14th time this month.

Britain’s only observer of Lent in chocolate disaster

THE only person in Britain who still does Lent is in the midst of a savage chocolate frenzy.

Christ got crucified very early this year

EASTER takes place a week before the end of March because Jesus was crucified very early this year 1,986 years ago.

Idiot parents given own schools to cause trouble in

SPECIAL schools without pupils are being set up for troublemaker parents who just want to shout at teachers, the government has announced.

Massive argument somehow fails to clear the air

A COUPLE are inexplicably still on bad terms despite having just had a massive row.

Everyone urged to wait before expressing opinion about horrible event

EVERYONE has been urged to just stop and think about what they are going to say.