Man in new relationship fakes joy at autumn colours

A BOYFRIEND of two months has expressed fake wonder at how the leaves have changed colour.

For Christ’s sake get home before the little bastards come out, UK warned

PEOPLE should be in a state of lockdown inside their homes before children armed with fireworks start roaming the streets, officials have warned.

No-nonsense grandad turns off film during sex scene

A GRANDFATHER has turned off his television as soon as a sex scene began.

Friends suspect man may be lying about the North

SOUTHERN friends of a man from the North  suspect he is lying about how gritty yet welcoming the region is, they have revealed.

Christmas 'train chaos' raises hope that relatives will be unable to visit

RAIL delays this Christmas could prevent tiresome family members from coming to your house, it has emerged.

Teenage girl cynically pretending to be heartbroken about One Direction

A TEENAGE pop fan is having her first experience of overreacting to something in order to get attention.

Pumpkin worried by sudden unpopularity

A PUMPKIN is wondering why he has been left in the back garden when just two days ago he was really popular.

Driver with lights on full beam just concerned for your safety

A MAN who drives everywhere with his headlights on full beam believes he is making the road safe for everyone.