Mysterious guy actually just a dick

A MAN who affects an air of mystery is actually just a dick, it has been confirmed.

Couple's new home to reflect their unique taste in IKEA

A COUPLE are filling their new home with carefully-selected items from a little shop called IKEA.

International F**k Off and Leave Me Alone Day a resounding success

INTERNATIONAL Fuck Off and Leave Me Alone Day has proved more successful than International Happiness Day or World Poetry Day, it has emerged.

Man arrives at work to find he's lost ten years of his life

A MAN has arrived at his office job to find that he has lost an entire decade of the only life he will ever have.

Kid wonders why he's being punished with day out to historic town

A TEN year old boy doesn't know what he did to deserve being punished with a day out to a really old fucking town in the middle of nowhere.

Absolute psychopath puts on socks before pants

AN ABSOLUTE psychopath has confirmed he puts his socks on before his pants.

Millennials need better social skills, says pissed baby boomer 

A 64-YEAR-OLD drinking her way through retirement has informed millennials that the reason they are not doing better is because of their poor social skills.

Gentrifier couple thrilled by short interaction with working class locals

AN EX-LONDON couple are very excited after a brief exchange with working class locals in their new area.