Owning a National Lottery account worse than having it hacked

YOUR life is already in serious trouble if you have a National Lottery account regardless of whether it gets hacked, experts believe.

Cafe puts on Fairport Convention to drive out hipsters

A CAFE has started playing Fairport Convention to encourage trendy young professionals to go away.

34-year-old furious his mother hasn’t bought him an advent calendar

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is outraged that his mother has not bought him an advent calendar for the first year ever.

Woman actually didn’t get text

FOR the first time in recorded history, the excuse of not having received a text message has proved to be genuine.

Teachers to get revenge with nativity play casting

PRIMARY school teachers have confirmed plans to settle old scores by making the annoying ones be innkeepers.

Britain ready to find out what the f**k it bought yesterday

BRITAIN is eagerly waiting for whatever the fuck it bought yesterday to arrive. 

Two-day hangover 'is passage to manhood'

A 23-YEAR-OLD has finally become a man after having his first multi-day hangover.

Man not taking any shit from people who weren’t planning to give him any

A MAN will not ‘take any shit’ from people and organisations that do not appear to bear him any ill will, it has emerged.