Middle class grandparents demand ridiculous ‘original’ nicknames

A PAIR of middle class grandparents have confirmed that names like 'granny' and 'grandad' are too boring for people as unique and special as them.

Man in favour of more competition doesn’t realise he would be f**ked

A MAN who supports grammar schools and other forms of competition in life is unaware he would fail spectacularly under those arrangements.

Man who ‘believes in British values’ just likes Christmas and dislikes immigrants

A MAN who claims to love traditional British values cannot explain what they are in any detail.

Woman mistakenly believes she was fun and interesting before having kids

A MOTHER-OF-TWO incorrectly believes she was a really fun and exciting person before having children.

Former BHS worker urged to give up radio controlled yacht

AN UNEMPLOYED ex-BHS worker has been told by his wife that the batteries for his radio controlled yacht are too expensive.

Procrastinator discovers this is the best he can do

A MAN is recovering from the realisation that he is no better even if he tries really hard.

Colleague ready to get pissed at moment’s notice

AN OFFICE colleague is ready to go and get hammered at literally a second’s notice, his co-workers have confirmed.

Sensitive Northern student finds spiritual home in foppish South

AN 18-YEAR-OLD from Wigan who prefers reading books to fighting has discovered a wonderful land of soft Southerners who enjoy similarly effeminate pursuits.