Man launches failed attempt to do something that is not the pub

A SUNSHINE-INSPIRED attempt to do a social activity not involving the pub immediately died on its arse, it has emerged.

Top level hipsters meet to discuss gammon

LEADING hipsters have met in a craft ale pub to discuss whether gammon should be the next food trend.

Tests ‘prepare children for constantly being judged by idiots’

TESTING children at school is the only way to prepare them for constant, arbitrary judgement as adults, it has been claimed.

Man awkwardly awaits fist bump

A MAN has been left awkwardly waiting for a response to his offer of a fist bump, it has emerged.

Tipping bullshit on every level

EVERYTHING about tipping in restaurants is idiotic, customers and waiters have agreed.

Everyone f**king hates gardening

ANYONE who claims to enjoy gardening is a liar, it has emerged.

Bus driver gives change from a tenner without being a twat about it

A BUS driver has given change from a £10 note without acting like it is a natural disaster.

Friend-with-benefits votes to reduce benefits

A WOMAN has announced a unilateral reduction in benefits for her casual sexual partner.