Expectant father choosing pram like he's going to be taking it off-road

A FATHER-TO-BE is choosing a baby buggy as if he is planning to take it on a six-day endurance marathon through the Cairngorms. 

Momentum member thinks he's in the resistance or something

A MAN who has been leafleting for Labour campaign group Momentum is convinced he’s going to ‘dismantle the system from the inside’.

Years of tedious bollocks definitely what we voted for, say Brexiters

BREXITERS love intricate trade negotiations and definitely did not vote in a mindless patriotic frenzy, they have confirmed.

Warhammer figure making awkward small talk with Sylvanian family bears

A WARHAMMER dwarf has been struggling to make conversation after being mistakenly tidied away in the same shoebox as the Bear Family of Sylvania.

'I just format Word documents', admits highly-paid office worker

A WELL-PAID worker has admitted his job essentially consists of him just formatting Word documents, it’s been revealed.

Man who bangs on about 'living in the present' actually just skint

A MAN who keeps talking about ‘living in the present’ is actually just really fucking skint, it has been confirmed.

Doorway voted number one place to stand by toddlers

THE doorway is the best place to stand so that you block everyone's exit, according to toddlers.

Woman makes three-course meal from crumbs found in bra

A WOMAN has managed to create a lavish dinner comprised entirely of the food remnants collected in her bra during the day.