It’s like ‘Event Horizon’ in there, say fog survivors

SURVIVORS of the London fog have revealed that 'some bad, freaky shit is happening in there'.

Hipsters condemn toppling of Lenin statue

THE destruction of a Lenin statue in the Ukraine has been condemned by hipsters who wanted it for their roof garden.

Guardian begins annual ruining of Christmas

THE Guardian newspaper has launched its annual appeal to make you feel dreadful about Christmas.

Office party bosses going to touch your arse

BRITAIN'S bosses have confirmed plans to let their hands 'accidentally' fall onto buttocks at the office Christmas party.

Young people just going to change pension age back later

YOUNG people have announced plans to lower the pension age by several decades once they’re in charge.

Motorists lose badge of superiority to cyclists

THE abolition of tax discs has left drivers without physical evidence of paying something that cyclists don't.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday followed by Broke On Arse Thursday

MILLIONS of consumers are regretting their actions on the brokest day of the year.

Methamphetamine is top Christmas gift

A PRE-CHRISTMAS rush on crystal meth has left dealers unable to cope with demand.