Friday the 13th still luckier than any Monday

FRIDAY the 13th, supposedly the unluckiest day in the calendar, remains some distance better than any Monday according to researchers.

Please stop f**king around with your eyebrows, women told

WOMEN have been asked to stop dicking about with their eyebrows because it looks ridiculous.

People with more than two kids love squalor

PEOPLE who have three or more children do so because they enjoy living in squalid and disgusting conditions, it has emerged.

Deluded individual has sense of loyalty to employer

WAREHOUSE worker Tom Booker has expressed a puzzling degree of loyalty to his employer.

Man with new trainers terrified of filthy world

A MAN who has bought new trainers can no longer leave the house for fear of what might happen to them.

Workers advised to overpower boss and take the money

BRITISH workers in need of a pay rise could simply take it by force, it has been claimed.

Magna Carta gives England back to France

HISTORIANS are studying an edition of the Magna Carta that makes England French property from June.

Think pieces ‘better than action’

WRITING 900 words about injustice for a broadsheet newspaper is more effective than getting off your arse and doing something about it, it has been claimed.