Society

GCSE students 'rewarded' with tragic mum and dad meal

THOUSANDS of uncool GCSE students will be forced to endure an embarrassing meal with their parents, it has emerged.

Boring couple constantly buggering about with house

A BORING couple are constantly buggering about making pointless alterations to their house.

School holiday parents developing thousand yard stares

EVEN the hardest of parents are developing a blank gaze during the latter stages of the school holidays, it has emerged.

Stella-guzzling arsehole has strong moral stance against drugs

A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.

UK's first non-weird driving instructor discovered

A NON-WEIRD driving instructor  has been discovered in the UK.

Professional Northerner caught drinking wine

A PROFESSIONAL Northerner's credibility is in tatters after he was caught drinking wine.

Teenager too talented to go to university

A TEENAGER is so talented that going to university would be a waste of time for him, he has announced.

90 per cent of people want to post 'so?' under everyone's status updates

MOST people just want to write 'so?’ underneath every status update they see on Facebook, it has been confirmed.