Whole table living in fear of which wine rich friend going to order

A RESTAURANT table of ten is terrified about which wine their rich friend is planning to order.

Waitrose shopper kicks off over lack of artisan crispbreads

A WAITROSE shopper kicked right off because the supermarket ran out of her favourite Peter's Yard Artisan Crispbreads.

Corbyn supporter unveils plan to get over himself

A CORBYN fan has announced plans to get over how amazingly right he was within the next 18 months.

Single mum excited that austerity over and good times now rolling

A SINGLE mother is celebrating the end of austerity and is excited for the fun times ahead.

Family keeps congratulating itself on Facebook for some reason

MEMBERS of a family keep giving each other praise for basically just existing.

Couple's attempt to invent pet names for each other a collosal f**k up

A NEW couple have experimented with quirky pet names for each other that are absolutely dreadful.

Britain to continue in normal state of ridiculous incompetence

BRITONS are relieved to discover that life will continue in its everyday state of raging incompetence and chaos.

Parents being weirdly nice to 16-24 year olds

PARENTS of young adults across Britain have been acting sheepishly this week, it has been confirmed.