Society

Britain's last volunteer died in 1976

NOBODY in the UK has volunteered to do something since the mid 1970s, it has emerged.

Unlikeable colleague wants to come to the pub

WORKERS have been left in turmoil after the least pleasant person in their office expressed interest in joining them for a drink.

ISIS punishments a tad lenient, say Mail readers

READERS of the Daily Mail have declared ISIS’s stance on crime and sex to be disappointingly soft.

96 per cent of enthusiasm fake

INDIVIDUALS who claim to be enthusiastic actually just like hearing themselves speak.

Goth sanctuary site confirmed

A CREPUSCULAR forest wherein echoes the melancholic song of the nightingale is to become the UK’s first goth sanctuary.

Egg hunt enters desperate phase

THE search for a missing Maltesers egg has continued through the night.

People who don’t care about houses ‘a threat to society’

GIVING up on owning property could lead to dangerous behaviour like reading books or being interested in world events, it has been claimed.

New bullshit mum type unveiled

A WRITER has invented ‘the chillaxed mega-mum’.