Society

Supermarkets are food banks if you have agile fingers

POCKETING things at the supermarket is like going to a really good food bank, it has been claimed.

Kids demanding Frozen toys told to let it go

CHILDREN demanding Frozen merchandise for Christmas have been referred to the lyrics of the song they never stop singing.

Advent calendar just one more thing you’re behind on

THE daily pressure of opening a door on an advent calendar is already proving too much for overworked Britons.

Rich banned from digging tunnels to escape miserable lives

KENSINGTON and Chelsea council is to stop billionaire residents from digging escape tunnels that allow them to live like normal people.

Young couples excited to begin futile lifelong quest for increasingly large property

FIRST-TIME buyers have welcomed stamp duty cuts that will help launch them on a spiritually barren path of buying incrementally large houses.

Woman genuinely contemptuous of celebrity fashion

A WOMAN has failed to realise that outrageous fashions are just part of a grim celebrity publicity machine.

Parents in last-minute dash to miss school play

PARENTS across the country are making every effort possible not to see their children's Christmas plays.

Society obsessed with breasts except in most natural context

BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.