Northerner abroad convinced he doesn't count as English

A NORTHERN man on holiday thinks that ill feeling about the English does not apply to him

Man who has never given to charity thinks Oxfam scandal proves he was right to be such a tight arse

A MAN who has never donated money to charity has been proven right by the Oxfam sex scandal, he has confirmed.

Man discovers toilet roll fairy is not real

A MAN who assumed a magical fairy had been changing the toilet roll was stunned to discover she does not exist.

Cool teacher 'totally fine' with appointment of cooler teacher

A SCHOOL’S self-appointed cool teacher is insisting he has no ill feeling whatsoever towards a slightly cooler new teacher.

Young people only going on Facebook to check up on parents

THE only reason people under 30 use Facebook is to monitor their parents' mid-life crises, it has emerged.

93 percent of adults still slightly afraid of the toilet monster

ALMOST every adult is still a little bit afraid the toilet monster might be real, it has been confirmed.

Northern railway stations to offer acclimatisation zones for southerners

FIRST-time travellers up north will be helped to prepare themselves before leaving the railway station.