BRITONS have been advised to enjoy life in the final hours before a million-megaton blast of bullshit is unleashed.
DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre will 'opt-in' to web porn so that he can remain up to speed with Britain's moral decay.
MEN who work out and buy facial products are more likely to be twats, it has emerged.
THE royal baby is ranked just below 'a packet of beef crisps' on a list of things people are anticipating.
THE government has revealed new measures to help you spend all your time doing work.