Modern dads fine with mawkish baby bullshit

MODERN fathers are just as capable as mothers at getting tediously over-emotional about their babies, they have announced.

Umbrella users confirm total disregard for others

UMBRELLA users have announced that everyone else must get out of their way.

Northerner thinks everyone not from North is posh

A NORTHERNER is convinced that everyone from Southern England is upper class.

Clocks changed to maintain misery levels

BRITAIN’S getting-up time has been altered to prevent the workforce from becoming too happy.

Mum's email account hacked again

A MOTHER has had her email account hacked for the 14th time this month.

Britain’s only observer of Lent in chocolate disaster

THE only person in Britain who still does Lent is in the midst of a savage chocolate frenzy.

Christ got crucified very early this year

EASTER takes place a week before the end of March because Jesus was crucified very early this year 1,986 years ago.

Idiot parents given own schools to cause trouble in

SPECIAL schools without pupils are being set up for troublemaker parents who just want to shout at teachers, the government has announced.