Society

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

Government admits having a life not really an option

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.

Everything now ‘class war’

ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.

Home workers demand more aspirational adverts

THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.

Shattered Tower Bridge glass shows city from a Londoner’s perspective

THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.

Statutory rights affected

A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.

White van men confirmed as rightful kings of universe

WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.