Society

Fancy burgers not actually that great

FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.

Humans made to wear tax discs

THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.

Middle class parents leaving public school prospectuses lying around

PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.

‘Totally legal’ things always morally wrong

ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.

Pinch and punch to be rigidly enforced

OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.

Britain demands weirder-looking dogs

DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.

Britons only attracted to themselves

INCREASINGLY narcissistic Britons only want to have sex with themselves, it has emerged.

Stag do spiralled into tameness

A STAG party has petered out after only three hours of drinking.