Autocorrect can tell woman still pissed from night before

A SMARTPHONE’S autocorrect function can detect when its user is still drunk from the night before, it has emerged.

Government to abolish inspirational teachers

INSPIRATIONAL teachers have no place in Brexit Britain and will be scrapped, the government has confirmed.

Man puts big light on again

A MAN has once again put the big light on despite knowing full well that his girlfriend prefers the lamps.

Meditation leads to painfully obvious spiritual insights

A MAN who recently took up meditation has gained spiritual insights that anyone could have thought of, it has emerged.

Parents welcome third child who is clearly an accident

A COUPLE have welcomed their third child, who is clearly an accident although they are playing that down.

‘Killer clowns’ either complex sociological phenomenon or just twats

THE ‘killer clown’ craze is either the result of complicated sociological factors or just twats arsing about, it has been claimed.

Man accidentally walks in on flatmate painting Warhammer figurines 

A MAN was forced to quickly shut his living room door after accidentally discovering his flatmate painting Warhammer figurines in the middle of the afternoon.

Internet trolls forced to troll in real life

A CLAMPDOWN on internet trolls is forcing them to do their trolling in the real world, they have revealed.