Massive police crackdown on multipack cans sold separately

POLICE forces across the UK are targeting shopkeepers who illegally separate fizzy drink cans from larger groupings.

‘Selfie’ is piece-of-shit society’s Word of the Year

A WORD for a photograph of yourself by yourself is the ‘Word of the Year’ for a society that no longer cares about words.

Age of consent to have upper limit

SEX with people older than 61 is to be made illegal in the UK.

Skateboard not a mode of transport

MATURE skateboarders have been urged to stop pretending a plank on wheels can get them from A to B.

Man appreciates women's arses on a feminist level

31-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has discovered he enjoys women's buttocks from a feminist perspective.

Britain thanks Alastair Campbell for his apology

BRITAIN has welcomed Alastair Campbell’s apology for destroying journalism.

Media mourns death of last shockable person

THE media has expressed grief at the death of the last Briton capable of being shocked by newspaper articles and TV programmes.

Hilarious exam howlers destroy kids' dreams

A NEW book showcases the side-splitting exam mistakes that have ended the hopes and dreams of children.