Society

Friend selfishly having birthday drinks in his bit of London

A FRIEND is celebrating his birthday near his flat in Stoke Newington, despite it being miles from where everyone else lives.

£70k a year nothing, factory workers agree

A GROUP of Burnley factory workers have agreed that nobody on £70,000 a year can really be considered ‘rich’.

Young voters urged to make inane, idiotic voices heard

VOTERS aged 18 to 24 have been told to make sure to cast their moronic, misguided votes in the general election.

Snap election 'suggests the shit will have really hit the fan by 2020'

POLITICAL experts believe the timing of the snap election proves that the shit will have seriously hit the fan by May 2020.

Middle class alcohol 'less alcoholic than all other alcohol'

GETTING drunk while looking after your children is fine if you are drinking Chablis rather than WKD, it has been confirmed.

Easter eggs about a tenth the size you remember, confirm experts

MODERN Easter eggs are barely two disappointing mouthfuls, adults have complained.

City trader who works 18 hours a day thinks he's 'a winner'

A MAN who works in a high level city job and gets four hours sleep a night considers his life a success.

Airport pubs hailed as best bit of going on holiday

BEING able to get legitimately drunk at 7am is the best part of going abroad, it has been confirmed.