Happiest places in UK are almost not in it

THE happiest places in the UK are on the verge of not being in it, it has emerged.

Look what came out of my fanny, says Facebook mum

MOTHERS on Facebook have been sharing pictures of the porky little things that came out of their fannies.

Boy wants to be police senior management when he grows up

A FIVE-YEAR-OLD has explained how he wants to be a policeman who sits in a large office coming up with initiatives like ‘crime reduction partnerships’.

Man lying about not being arsed with Facebook

A MAN who says he has a Facebook account but doesn't really use it is lying out of his arse.

Loving couple comfortable enough to tell each other to ‘f**k off'

A LOVING couple have reached the point in their relationship that they can tell each other to ‘f**k off' without causing any offence.

Random man dicked about with pub fire

A MAN took charge of a pub’s wood-burning stove despite not working there or being a regular, it has emerged.

Folding cycle attempted to overtake normal bike

THE owner of a folding bicycle has narrowly survived after attempting to overtake a cyclist with normal-sized wheels.

Open the f**king door, Dry January people tell landlords

PUBS are surrounded by hordes of desperate, angry Dry January participants.