SCIENTISTS have laughed in the face of the apocalypse from their nuclear bunker beneath a mountain.
BRITAIN will become a fully-integrated society when everyone can express their mutual contempt in the same language, Ed Miliband has claimed.
EXPERTS are urging Britons to start preparing their Christmas arguments no later than 5pm today.
THE success of Bavarian-style Christmas markets is due to a phenomenon that makes crud desirable when placed in a rustic-looking shed.
PEOPLE who fall over often feel a deep sense of humiliation, it has been claimed.
PEOPLE who see themselves as 'spiritual' are to planning mark Christmas in a non-relgious but still irritating fashion.
THE campaign against gay marriage has a quaint, old world charm, say experts.
BRITONS must currently overcome 43 separate instincts in order to leave their beds, it has emerged.