Society

Working class kids to get brioche, chalk paint and crippling anxiety

POOR children are being given the three key middle class things as part of a government bid to improve them.

Satan announces cut in soul prices

THE devil has announced a reduction in the fee paid for human souls.

'Couples' railcard to trap thousands in hateful relationships

PEOPLE in damaging relationships will stay together to get a third off rail travel, it has been claimed.

Boris unveils latest obvious solution

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his newest idea that could not possibly go wrong.

Moleskine notebooks best for unfinished ideas

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.

Everyone to get gold object

ANY person with a job is to be given a gold object and lots of attention, it has emerged.

No good chocolate bars since 1981

EVERY chocolate bar invented since the Wispa has been either uninspired or disgusting, it has emerged.

App shows all the dead people around you

A NEW smartphone app combines geolocation and the paranormal to show all the ghosts in your vicinity.