Man with flannel shirt self-identifies as lumberjack

A 31-YEAR-OLD man who regularly wears plaid shirts is misrepresenting himself as rugged.

Female body hair ‘may stop women meeting twats’

FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.

Stupid upper class 'being excluded from factories and call centres'

STUPID, privately educated people are being sidelined from low wage jobs, it has emerged.

All rail announcements contain subliminal sex messages

TRAIN announcements such as ‘we offer a dedicated at seat trolley service’ are coded messages designed to arouse or unsettle passengers.

Orgreave miners to be prosecuted for holding grudge

MINERS involved in the Battle of Orgreave are to be charged with not letting it go.

Hammock incredibly stressful

A MAN who used a hammock has described it as the least relaxing experience of his life.

Office workers visiting the bathroom just for something to do

MOST office toilet breaks are merely for the sake of variety, it has emerged.

Working-class grannies requisitioned by middle-class households

LOVING working-class grandparents are to be reassigned to cold, ambitious middle-class families in dire need of them.