THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.
A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.
THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.
ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.
THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.
THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.
A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.
WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.