Everyone urged to wait before expressing opinion about horrible event

EVERYONE has been urged to just stop and think about what they are going to say.

Woman sacked for not liking lattes

A WOMAN has been sacked for failing to embrace coffee culture.

Last man to say ‘Northern powerhouse’ unironically dies

THE only man who still believed that government initiatives would turn Barnsley into Europe’s answer to Palo Alto has died.

Everyone on bus writing status updates about each other

EVERYONE on the bus into work today was writing a status update or tweet about another passenger, it has emerged.

Man thinks sex might actually improve friendship

A MAN is confident that having sex with a close female friend would be a sensible move for both parties.

Northern couple on Tube don’t know how to get off

A HUSBAND and wife from Yorkshire have been stuck on the London underground for more than two weeks.

Man who washes car deeply suspicious of man who doesn’t

A MAN who hand-washes his car every weekend believes there is something fundamentally wrong with his next-door neighbour, who does not.

This weird shit is called 'contouring', say women

THE thing women do to their faces which looks like a paint-by-numbers chessboard is called 'contouring', it has been confirmed.