Of course, when you think about it, it was inevitable, says some smart-arsed twat

THE election of Donald Trump was inevitable and obvious, according to some smug, smart-arsed twat.

Being an utter cock no barrier to success

THERE is no ‘glass ceiling’ for utter cocks any more, it has been confirmed.

Thing that proves it’s all a horrible dream 'must surely happen soon'

PEOPLE are hoping for a clear sign that they are in a dream such as being able to fly or copping off with a celebrity, they have revealed.

US election put into perspective by Toblerone crisis

THE US election has been put into perspective by Britons reeling from a life-changing alteration to Toblerone bars.

Everything gentrification

EVERYTHING is now gentrification, including attempts to stop gentrification.

Dad in weird mood since 2004

A 54-YEAR-OLD man has been in a bit of a mood for the past 12 years, his family has noticed.

Man with unfashionable front door feared by neighbours

A MAN without a trendy oak panelling front door is a dangerous non-conformist, neighbours believe.

Britain looking forward to bonfire night because it can’t afford to put the heating on

BRITAIN’S enthusiasm for firework displays is really about avoiding extortionate heating bills, it has been confirmed.