BOSSES have confirmed they want to hire people who attended fancy schools, even if they are utter morons.
ANYONE who leaves the UK for leisure or business is really on a sex trip, it has been decided.
POLICE have explained that most so-called crimes are really just a series on unfortunate coincidences.
A MAN selling bullshit ‘pick-up’ lessons has worked his magic on hundreds of gullible men.
THE official list of who will be the Drunken Bore, the Perv and Crying in the Toilets at the Christmas party has been put on the office noticeboard.
A RESCUE cat has been returned to the animal shelter for his own good, according to the couple who adopted him.
A COMPULSIVE gambler has placed his next bet according to the churning sense of impending doom in his stomach.
ANYONE using faux-medieval phrases like 'Methinks' or 'good Sir' is to be given medieval punishments like the rack and the Iron Maiden.