Six-year-old writes letter calling Southern Trains money-grubbing f**ks

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl has written a letter to a train company asking why they are such bastards.

Couple to lie about not having met on internet

A COUPLE have vowed to lie about how they met after getting together at a social gathering.

Cyclists to stop displaying genitals

BRITAIN’S cyclists have decided to stop showing everyone their reproductive organs.

Dads deprived of sexual arousal at the breakfast table

FATHERS have responded to the end of Page 3 by claiming it was just an innocent bit of sexual stimulation to enjoy with their cereal.

Richest one per cent own 98 per cent of ridiculous gaudy shit

THE world’s super-rich own almost all of the world’s hideous fancy things, it has emerged.

Definitive link found between money and happiness

SCIENTISTS have proven once and for all that happiness can be bought with sufficient money.

Racist struggling to draw swastikas

AN ILLITERATE white supremacist still believes in his genetic superiority even though he is unable to correctly draw a swastika.

Thousands more suckers conned onto cruises

TENS of thousands of British marks have been tricked into spending their life savings on a fortnight on a luxury prison ship.