PRE-TEENS have confirmed they detest their father's music, especially The Pixies.
A CARLISLE woman has reiterated how lovely her boyfriend's beef stew was for the third day running.
A DISTRESSED child in a park is probably just pretending for some YouTube clip about whether people are compassionate.
WALES has begged Scotland not to leave it trapped in the UK with those two other mad bastards.
THE 7,500 fake marriages conducted in the UK are happier and more likely to last than genuine marriages, according to inspectors.
YOU and everyone you know is Adolf Hitler, it has been confirmed.
HEDGEHOGS are the fashion industry's latest animal muse.
BRITAIN'S capitalist overlords are secretly orchestrating the trend for nutritious low-cost recipes.