THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.
SELF-STYLED clever people cannot stop expressing their indifference to the royal offspring, it has emerged.
HAPPINESS is the result of things that actually have nothing to do with you, it has emerged.
ATHEISTS are still not that keen on socialising with people who were in the Scouts, it has emerged.
THINGS with no value have been fractionally reduced in price, making them exciting.
MOUSTACHE owners are once again 'fair game', according to thugs.