A MAN has discovered a profound sense of contentment and inner calm by comparing his fairly average life with the lives of unluckier friends.
BULLSHIT stories about epic commutes during strikes are spiralling out of control, it has emerged.
LONDONERS are considering whether living in a nightmarish urban dystopia is worth it just to enjoy food crazes two months early.
A DICKHEAD does not understand why women keep dumping him.
A MAN who wasted half an hour looking at wine eventually chose the bottle with the nicest label, he has confirmed.
ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.
A MIDDLE CLASS family have been spotted relaxing in front of their house, in a clear breach of social convention.
IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.