Society

The Sun declares Britain safe as 88 year-old peace campaigner dies

BRITAIN is finally safe from the perils of Tony Benn, the Sun has declared.

All London properties to become timeshares

EVERY residential property and office in London is to become a work-residential timeshare.

Success mainly down to having a loud voice

HIGH earners are more likely to be good at shouting, it has emerged.

All bosses are absolutely amazing, say experts

ANYONE who runs a large business or organisation is obviously incredible, experts have confirmed.

Furries demand celebrity spokesperson

THE 'furry' subculture, whose members dress as animals to have sex, have demanded a celebrity advocate for their lifestyle.

Pay increase doesn't compensate for loss of bonuses, say minimum wagers

MINIMUM wage earners have blasted their pay rise of 19p an hour as inadequate recompense for losing their multi-million pound bonuses.

Oh shit, say tube drivers

LONDON tube drivers have admitted that the game may be up.

Councils to use ducking stools for benefit claimants

COUNCILS have started plunging unemployed people in rivers to see if they float, it has been confirmed.