A HOMELESS man drinking high-strength lager in a park is going to enjoy today more than you.
MEN are considering whether to start having emotions about things that are not sport.
MEN are increasingly worried that their barbecue is smaller than average, it has emerged.
ANYONE without a valid passport is to be confined in a vast internment camp the size and shape of the United Kingdom.
PEOPLE who don't like everything must have something wrong with them, it has been confirmed.
SOCIAL contact with neighbours must be avoided at all costs, experts have warned.
BRITONS taking Spanish lessons are just doing it to meet someone nice, it has been confirmed.
PAYING to get on a budget flight slightly before others is the weakest possible attempt to show off, it has been confirmed.