Working class area of London to be kept as a living museum

AN AUTHENTICALLY working class area of London will be allowed to continue existing as a tourist attraction.

Nobody sure why wedding guest is wearing a kilt

WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.

Londoners running out of tube strike small talk

WORKERS are demanding postponement of the next tube strike so that they can think up fresh chit chat on the subject.

Friend always takes excessive amount of rolling tobacco

A 28-YEAR-OLD woman routinely takes an extravagant amount of tobacco when friends offer her a roll up.

Arsehole had really nice ancestors

A TOTAL bastard had kind and decent ancestors, genealogists have discovered.

People being scared of your dog not the same as them respecting you

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

Tree surgeons taking all the women

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

Man has no career aspirations

RETAIL worker Stephen Malley has no desire to do a job other than the one he is already doing.