Britons prepare for war with brief chat at work

BRITONS are preparing for air strikes in Syria with a short, non-committal discussion at work.

‘Fat shaming’ leads to ‘arse kicking’

A MAN who gave an insulting weight-based card to a tough coach driver is currently pinned against a wall.

Too early for Christmas trees, say people who police the behaviour of others in their own homes

IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own f**king house.

Couple decide not to renovate kitchen

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

Parents badgered into buying monkey that smokes fags

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

Millions pretend to have gone on climate march

RECORD numbers of Britons are passionately pretending to have marched against climate change.

‘Saint Andrew’ just another name for Loch Ness monster

SCOTLAND is taking the day off to worship its water dinosaur, it has emerged.

Christmas booze already finished

ALL the alcohol that was being saved for Christmas has already been drunk.