Society

All people thrown out of nightclubs were treated unfairly

EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.

Adult birthdays to be ignored

GROWN-UPS should stop expecting to be treated as if they are special once a year, it has been claimed.

Being a careers advisor 'should disqualify you from giving careers advice'

PROFESSIONAL careers advisors have admitted that their job is awful so they should probably shut up.

Kestrel tax absolutely necessary, says Cameron

A TAX on kestrels belonging to underprivileged young boys is vital to Britain’s economic recovery, according to the prime minister.

Lent ‘bollocks’

LENT is bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Internet argument resolved

AN ARGUMENT on the internet has been resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.

Childcare better value than mortgage, say parents

HAVING the children taken away for a bit is more important than having a house, according to parents.

Working class kids to get brioche, chalk paint and crippling anxiety

POOR children are being given the three key middle class things as part of a government bid to improve them.