Society

Modern youth not starting a subculture unless they get paid for it

TEENAGERS are refusing to start an era-defining subculture unless there's money involved.

Most people going to blow hell out of pension pot within 20 minutes

MOST Britons will spend their pension pot on stupid, crazy stuff the very moment they get their hands on it.

Most starter homes now in fantasy games

BRITONS desperate to own homes are increasingly opting to live in Playstation games.

Where’s our tax cut? ask paintballing sherry enthusiasts

PEOPLE who drink sherry after a vigorous afternoon of paintball have demanded a tax cut.

Bez standing for Parliament completes the de-normalisation of Britain

BRITAIN is now fully abnormal after Bez, the Happy Mondays dancing man, decided to stand for Parliament.

Worker reproduction to be made more affordable

WORKING humans are to receive financial assistance with the cost of breeding new additions to the labour pool.

New pound coin provokes tiresome pensioner nostalgia

THE 'thrupenny bit'-influenced £1 coin has left pensioners unable to shut up about how cheap everything used to be.

Left-handed people mostly not geniuses

FAVOURING your left hand does not mean you are some sort of creative genius.