Professor bets he can turn SNP MP into a gentleman

A PROFESSOR has entered into a wager that he can make a Scottish National Party MP pass for a gentleman.

Cameron unveils plan to steal money from foreigners

DAVID Cameron has confirmed it is okay to steal stuff from foreigners.

Play-offs to decide school league tables

OFSTED School Performance Tables will culminate in play-offs and a Wembley Final.

Avoid trains, says Network Rail

THE public has been warned to avoid rail travel on any date.

Gay cake converted entire tray of bread rolls to homosexuality

A GAY wedding cake has turned some bread rolls gay after being left beside them on a bakery counter.

Work experience student surprised to be made Trident launch button supervisor

15-YEAR-OLD Stephen Malley was asked to sit at the Trident missile controls and not press anything, it has emerged.

Dogshit bins are homeworkers' watercoolers

HOMEWORKERS in need of office-style conversation about TV and sport are meeting by dog waste bins.

University of Life brings in tuition fees

STUDENTS hoping to move on to higher education from the University of Life must now pay a four-figure annual sum.