Society

Dad imagines detailed scenario where Daisy Lowe goes on date with him

49-YEAR-OLD Wayne Hayes has imagined a situation where Daisy Lowe agrees to go out with him.

Woman reaches end of week without giving a f**k about Brangelina or Bake Off

A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.

Man passionate about saying he’s a socialist

A 45-YEAR-OLD old man is deeply committed to saying he is a socialist.

Brexiter never going to be truly happy

A BREXIT voter will not be happy even if leaving Europe works out, because of her bad personality.

Job applicants judged on whether their tattoos are any good

TATTOOS may stop you getting a job if they are dated, unimaginative or simply shit, it has emerged. 

First date goes well after nobody tells an ounce of truth

WAYNE Hayes had his best first date ever after completely concealing the majority of his personality, he confirmed.

Worker builds comedy persona around lack of productivity

AN OFFICE worker has been cracking jokes about his lack of output in an attempt to make it acceptable.

Woman leaves house with unmoisturised face

A WOMAN has ventured outside without moisturising her face, it has been confirmed.