Society

Londoners wonder if this living hell is worth it to be slightly ahead on food trends

LONDONERS are considering whether living in a nightmarish urban dystopia is worth it just to enjoy food crazes two months early.

Utter dickhead wants to know why his relationships keep going wrong

A DICKHEAD does not understand why women keep dumping him.

Man spends ages in wine aisle in desperate bid to feel sophisticated

A MAN who wasted half an hour looking at wine eventually chose the bottle with the nicest label, he has confirmed.

Migrants 'should have to perform passable Morris dance'

ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.

Middle class family makes rare appearance on front porch

A MIDDLE CLASS family have been spotted relaxing in front of their house, in a clear breach of social convention.

UK recklessly getting into debt to buy food

IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.

Couple enters sickening 'framed photos of themselves' phase of relationship

A COUPLE have completely filled their flat with nauseating framed pictures of themselves being in love.

Kids not in f**king school

YOUR kids are not in fucking school because of some teacher training bullshit, it has emerged.