Friend lost to aspirational bullshit

FRIENDS of 28-year-old Julian Cook fear they have lost him forever after he embraced aspirational bullshit.

Shit thick internet users puzzled by not particularly hard maths question

INTERNET users have been confused by a maths question from a children’s exam because they are as thick as shit.

Dad who was miserable failure with girls forced to give relationship advice

A FATHER who was unable to attract women in his youth is having to advise his son about relationships, it has emerged.

Rock climbers enjoyed excellent weekend of gruelling misery

BRITAIN’S rock climbers had a satisfying weekend of fear and physical discomfort, they have announced.

Vegan just happens to mention it in every other sentence

A VEGAN casually mentions her dietary preferences in roughly 50 per cent of the things she says, it has emerged.

Father stuns family by displaying an emotion

A FATHER of two has sent shock waves through his family by showing a complex emotion.

People who tell it like it is actually telling it like it isn’t

PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.

Britain realises it can only handle a four-day week

BRITONS have confirmed that four days of work per week is the most they can be expected to cope with.