Society

Pound says it would rather be French

BRITAIN’S currency has denounced its home country and has asked to be adopted by France.

I know real police, warns PCSO

POLICE community support officer Tom Booker has warned some kids that he can get the real police onto them.

Supermoon an excuse to be annoying

BRITAIN'S dicks have used the 'supermoon' to excuse their awful personalities.

Nothing you can say or do will stop us drinking, government told

BRITONS have confirmed that the state can never come between them and drink.

Builders disappointingly competent

COMPETENT builders have left their middle-class employers unable to complain extensively to friends.

Non-parents best at child rearing

PEOPLE who don’t have children know more about raising them than those who do, it has been confirmed.

Rabid free-marketeer subsidised by mum

AN internet user who spends most of his time praising free-market capitalism is entirely dependent on his mum.

Things other than racism 'are not racism'

RACISM is different to other things that are not racism, it has been claimed.