Other cans think San Pellegrino is an arsehole

ALL other canned drinks regard San Pellegrino as a smug prick with a stupid foil hat, it has emerged.

Dad has to admit some of those gays are in good shape

54-YEAR-OLD plumber Tom Booker has grudgingly complimented the physiques of Gay Pride participants.

Every guest room has weird painting on wall

EVERY guest bedroom in human history has had an unsettling picture hanging on the wall, it has been confirmed.

Soft top owners set for three days of year when it's not a total waste of money

BRITAIN'S convertible owners are set to enjoy the 72 hour annual period where they do not feel idiotic for buying it.

Birmingham named UK’s most laughable city

BIRMINGHAM has taken the title of Britain’s most amusing city for the 10th year running.

Bus drivers secretly hate their job

BUS drivers have admitted that, despite their cheerful, happy-go-lucky demeanours, they do not actually enjoy their work.

Boss believes he’s not a prick outside of work

A MANAGER is under the impression that outside of work he somehow stops being a prick.

Offline social networking service called ‘pub’ launched

A MIDDLE-AGED visionary has launched an offline service called ‘pub’, which allows friends to interact in a building.