BETROTHED homosexuals are to use their magical flood-creating powers to bring new life to desert regions.
ED Miliband has pledged to rebuild middle class confidence with free After Eight mints.
SCHOOLCHILDREN are more motivated to play truant now that their parents will be punished in a court of law.
THE government is to tackle food poverty by officially doubling the five allowable seconds for food dropped on the floor.
GCSE French textbooks are to be enhanced with stories of extra-marital liaisons.
BRITISH people are to receive coaching in how to split up with each other.
UKIP is to buy houses in Stevenage until it can take over the town and turn it into a self-governing ‘mini-Britain’.
AN East London 'craft ale' pub offers almost a thousand largely indistinguishable artisan beers.