Britain demands the abolition of small talk

BRITAIN has condemned small talk as idiotic and pointless and called for its immediate abolition.

'Prick' replacing 'bellend' as insult of choice

USE of the insult ‘prick’ is at its highest level since the late 1980s, researchers have found.

Church to invest in something other than oil or poor people

THE Church of England is to sell its shares in fossil fuel companies and continue to not give that money to the poor.

So we meet again, Southern tells commuters

SOUTHERN trains has admitted its passengers are 'resilient bastards' who do not know when they are beaten.

Life now nasty, brutish and long

INCREASED life expectancy has forced several key sayings about man’s lot to be revised.

Bouncers just fat

NIGHTCLUB bouncers look hard simply because they are overweight, it has emerged.

Sun reader suspects paper of using subliminal messages

A REGULAR Sun reader suspects the newspaper is using subliminal messages to try and influence his political views.

Music playing from somewhere on computer

A MAN has been unable to locate the source of music playing on his computer.