Console game triggers total collapse of society

POLICE have warned the public to stay indoors until the post-Grand Theft Auto V murder spree has subsided.

Clowns confirm they are evil

CLOWNS have spoken out to confirm their malice and wickedness.

Most Britons to end up living in drunk tanks

MILLIONS of Britons will soon exist in a daily cycle of work, pub, drunk tank.

Office 'best wishes' card signed by five million people

POLICE are trying to trace the recipient of a card signed by an estimated 5,000,000 workers across the UK.

Wife-stealers hail Grand Theft Auto V

BRITAIN'S womanisers have begun targeting Grand Theft Auto V widows.

Britons ‘not prejudiced, just thick’

MOST Britons are good-natured morons rather than unpleasant bigots, research has revealed.

Students houses are barter economies based on hot drinks and joint rolling

BRITAIN'S student houses are medieval-style barter economies where skills such as tea making, washing up and joint rolling are exchanged.

Public demands shops begin Christmas

CONSUMERS have demanded that shops immediately start selling Christmas stuff.