Half-a-million primary school pupils taught in single class

APPROXIMATELY 500,000 six-year-olds are being taught in a single class by a harassed and distracted teacher.

Entire nation standing far too close to the radiator

EVERYONE in Britain is standing so close to the radiator that it hurts.

Colleague traumatised by honest answer to trite, rhetorical question

A WOMAN has caused fear and panic in her workplace after answering the question “How are you?” with the truth.

Sink estate residents to be re-housed in underground tunnel network

DAVID Cameron has revealed that residents of demolished council estates will be re-housed in a vast network of underground tunnels.

Friendly hug 'turned a bit creepy'

A HUG became creepy after going on too long with an element of hair-touching, it has emerged.

Supermarket queue desperately awaiting dividers

A SUPERMARKET queue is becoming unbearably tense due to a shortage of dividers.

Canadian colleague has patronising anecdotes about how cold it gets back home

A CANADIAN co-worker has been sharing annoying stories about how much colder it is in his home country.

Jamie Oliver food box contains instructions on cooking, obeying authority and voting Tory

A NEW meal delivery service from Jamie Oliver also includes instructions on how to live a good, conformist life.