BRITAIN is happy for north London to have a riot as long as it does not drag on for days.
THE average workers' commute now costs them more than they earn.
IT'S really not worrying that porn websites have information about users' whereabouts and habits, according to everyone.
NEWSPAPERS are hoping to increase readership by placing a randomly selected number at the start of each headline.
HIGH-STAKES gambling machines are the nearest poor people can get to the thrill of the stock exchange, according to bookmakers.
GRANDCHILDREN have confirmed that kissing elderly relatives is like putting your mouth against a crypt.
BRITAIN'S libraries have been unaffected by the January rush for self-improvement, say librarians.
THE government's chief marksman Elmer Fudd has denied that the badger cull was essentially farcical.