Society

Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

Britain’s ‘values’ based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.

Britain ravaged by annual Creme Egg riots

BRITAIN was a blood-soaked hellhole yesterday as the nation fought to the death over Creme Eggs.

Six-year-olds to be taught swearing

SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.

Tesco vows to take Britain down with it

TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.

Jesus died to give us two bank holidays

THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.

Men seeking plausible beard exit strategies

MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.

Children of hippy parents getting shit eggs again

HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.