Society

Britain okay with a riot as long as it’s quick

BRITAIN is happy for north London to have a riot as long as it does not drag on for days.

Cost of going to work overtakes pay 

THE average workers' commute now costs them more than they earn.

Everyone totally fine with porn sites storing user data

IT'S really not worrying that porn websites have information about users' whereabouts and habits, according to everyone.

27 all newspaper headlines to begin with random number

NEWSPAPERS are hoping to increase readership by placing a randomly selected number at the start of each headline.

Gambling machines 'the stock market for poor people'

HIGH-STAKES gambling machines are the nearest poor people can get to the thrill of the stock exchange, according to bookmakers.

Granny tastes of death, confirm kids

GRANDCHILDREN have confirmed that kissing elderly relatives is like putting your mouth against a crypt.

Libraries still empty

BRITAIN'S libraries have been unaffected by the January rush for self-improvement, say librarians.

Fudd declares badger cull vewy successful

THE government's chief marksman Elmer Fudd has denied that the badger cull was essentially farcical.