Society

Number of housewives needing sex with any male internet user reaching crisis point

THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.

Northern grandmother gets sprouts on

A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.

It’s not our fault, say large TVs

LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.

Hand-dyed, loom spun, artisan selvedge denim jeans still look quite like Jeremy Clarkson’s

A HUGELY expensive pair of bespoke jeans still resembles those worn by a Top Gear presenter, it has emerged.

All drug-related crime ‘basically the same as Breaking Bad’

ANY real-life situation involving illegal drugs is like something out of Breaking Bad, according to newspaper editors.

Intrepid daredevil spurns travel insurance

A FEARLESS adventurer has stunned friends by venturing overseas with scant regard for lost luggage or flight delays.

Couple in huff can’t remember each other’s names

A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.

UKIP demands vetting of cathedral architects

CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.