Society

Midwife strike highly inconvenient, say unborn babies

THOUSANDS of ambitious foetuses have been forced to remain in the womb by the midwives’ strike.

Drinking outside back to the year-rounders

CASUAL outdoor drinkers have gone inside and left the hardcore to continue through the winter months.

Mum wants to hear and ruin your Christmas plans

YOUR mother is keen to hear what you have in mind for Christmas so she can completely overrule it.

Hopelessly mixed metaphor enters fifth analogy

AN anecdote about work has turned into a hellish mess of ill-advised comparisons.

Diggers weirdly hypnotic

THE average Briton spends 210 hours of their life staring at diggers, it has emerged.

Man's puny exterior may mean he is extremely hard

31-YEAR-OLD Stephen Malley’s slight build has prompted speculation that he may be one of those small wiry hard men.

Dads begin obsessive relationship with thermostat

THE nation's fathers have forbidden anyone else to touch or even look at the central heating thermostat.

Mothers demand creation of 150,000 princess jobs

PARENTS fear that thousands of princesses-in-training will struggle to find livelihoods.