Internet trolls forced to troll in real life

A CLAMPDOWN on internet trolls is forcing them to do their trolling in the real world, they have revealed.

Teenagers being taught vital life lessons by Glastonbury ticket website

THE misery and frustration of missing out on Glastonbury tickets is good training for life, delighted parents have confirmed.

Hipster annoyed that obscure friend is becoming popular

A HIPSTER is angry that a woman he befriended before anyone else now has lots of other friends too.

Birmingham ‘only city shit enough’ for Londoners

LONDONERS are leaving the capital for Birmingham because it is the only city in Britain unpleasant enough for them to cope with.

Child visits terrifying house where they turn off the telly

A 10-YEAR-OLD boy has visited a real-life house of horrors where the television is sometimes turned off for hours at a time.

Londoner baffled by building used for its original purpose

A LONDONER is struggling to come to terms with a wonderful Victorian building in his area that is still serving the purpose for which it was built. 

‘Liberal elite’ is anyone who has voluntarily read a book

THE ‘liberal elite’ consists of anyone who has read a book out of choice, Theresa May has confirmed.

Man loves banging on about how f**ked things are

A MAN gets a weird self-righteous buzz from talking about how screwed everything is.