Another old white man preparing to judge everyone

AN OLD, white, powerful man is preparing to decide whether you have behaved in a fashion he deems appropriate.

Supreme Court justices trying not to look bored out of their f**king minds

BRITAIN’S Supreme Court justices have today begun an historic four day process of trying not to look bored shitless.

UK basking in warm glow of victimhood

MILLIONS of perfectly normal Britons firmly believe they have some sort of ‘victim’ status, it has emerged.

Posh family basically takes over pub

A WEALTHY family leave their shit lying all around the pub whenever they visit.

Eighty percent would tell Dickensian Christmas ghosts to bugger off 

FOUR out of five people would completely fail to heed the lesson in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, experts have confirmed.  

Teenager buys CD of wartime songs for 44-year-old aunt

A TEENAGER has bought her 44-year-old aunt a CD of ‘wartime favourites’, it has emerged.

No one enjoying being in pub more than local dog 

ABSOLUTELY no one is enjoying being in the pub today more than a local dog, it has emerged.

Sitting in someone else’s train seat is UK’s most rebellious act

PEOPLE who sit in a ticketed seat on a busy train are rebellious heroes like Han Solo, it has been confirmed.