Society

Stranger gave mum £10 to piss off

MOTHER of three Nikki Hollis was given £10 by a stranger to leave her local pub and take her kids with her.

Achievements to be restricted to over 30s

PEOPLE under 30 are to be banned from achieving any kind of success.

Strange clingy people welcome room sharing

THE trend for sharing a rented room with a complete stranger has been welcomed by people who have no friends due to their weird personalities.

London sponsored by cocaine

LONDON is now officially sponsored by its cocaine dealers.

Life not worth looking up from your phone for

THE people, places, objects and locations that make up the physical world are not as fulfilling as smartphones, it has emerged.

Picky bastards making vague claims to have OCD

FUSSY, demanding people are hinting that they have mild OCD as a means of justifying their behaviour.

Most people go to cinema just to be annoying

THE majority of cinemagoers only do it to annoy strangers by talking and making rustling sounds, it has emerged.

Internet providers to block images of expensive shit that kids want

PARENTS have welcomed a move by broadband providers to shield children from images of desirable toys.