Thatcher statue to be officially unveiled then officially toppled

A STATUE of Margaret Thatcher is to be erected then immediately pulled down and destroyed by a cheering crowd.

Cat and dog get along because they are not allowed to eat each other

A DOG and cat who live together are friends because they are banned from eating each other.

Educated women unable to find men despite willingness to accept some twattish qualities

INTELLIGENT young women are struggling to find partners despite being open to men who are sometimes a bit twattish.

Delivery driver's coming anticipated like Christ's

THE coming of a DPD driver who will drop off a package today has been anticipated like the return of the messiah.

'Have I told you I'm in therapy now?' asks friend who talks about nothing else

A WOMAN who has started therapy mentions it in every single conversation, it has emerged.

Office worker strangely not praised for being shitfaced in meeting

AN EMPLOYEE was surprised to receive a formal warning for drinking heavily in a meeting like Sports Direct boss Mike Ashley.

Worker unable to rationalise why he ate a Greggs pasty

AN OFFICE worker is unable to figure out why he ate a pasty from Greggs for his lunch.

Bristol to be reclassified as London suburb

BRISTOL is so overrun by 'relocating' London twats that it might as well just be in London, it has been confirmed.