Society

Six-year-old taken on term-time holiday will never catch up on colouring

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl taken on holiday during the school term will be a week behind in colouring for the rest of her life, teachers have confirmed.

Married friends pretending to feel sorry for divorced man

THE married friends of a recently divorced man are trying very hard to sound like they feel sorry for him, it has emerged.

Friend lost to aspirational bullshit

FRIENDS of 28-year-old Julian Cook fear they have lost him forever after he embraced aspirational bullshit.

Shit thick internet users puzzled by not particularly hard maths question

INTERNET users have been confused by a maths question from a children’s exam because they are as thick as shit.

Dad who was miserable failure with girls forced to give relationship advice

A FATHER who was unable to attract women in his youth is having to advise his son about relationships, it has emerged.

Rock climbers enjoyed excellent weekend of gruelling misery

BRITAIN’S rock climbers had a satisfying weekend of fear and physical discomfort, they have announced.

Vegan just happens to mention it in every other sentence

A VEGAN casually mentions her dietary preferences in roughly 50 per cent of the things she says, it has emerged.

Father stuns family by displaying an emotion

A FATHER of two has sent shock waves through his family by showing a complex emotion.