Brexit put on hold as everyone realises borders only exist in our minds

PLANS for Brexit have been put on hold after everyone involved realised that borders are a meaningless concept that exists only in our minds.

Don’t go f**king up our Christmas with your bullshit, Britain warns Tories

THE British public has told the Conservative party not to dick them about with a leadership contest, election or some other bullshit when it is nearly Christmas. 

Date going well until he goes and orders the f**king cheese board

A FIRST date was going absolutely brilliantly until he only went and ordered the f**king cheese board, a woman has confirmed. 

Builders working on rich couple's house not aware they are unpaid interns

BUILDERS renovating a wealthy couple’s large Cotswolds home do not realise they are unpaid interns, it has emerged.

Every airport in world currently hosting World's Most Obnoxious Bastard competition

EVERY airport is currently holding a competition to find the most obnoxious bastard in the world, it has emerged.

Man confirms every stereotype about ghastly media wankers

A MAN with some sort of job at a TV company instantly confirms your worst prejudices about media arseholes, it has emerged.

Bride-to-be wondering if Prince Harry will pay for Grenadier Guards to escort her to registry office

A WOMAN who helps fund the royal family hopes Prince Harry will return the favour by arranging some Grenadier Guards for her wedding.

Friend claiming to be 'five minutes away' such a f**king liar

A WOMAN was 'five minutes away' for an hour and a half, it has been confirmed.