Society

A Level students reassured that it's all bollocks

STUDENTS getting exam results have been reassured that even if they did less well than hoped, the whole thing is a load of bollocks.

Police to be trained in not f*cking things up

THE police are to receive training in how to get on with solving crimes rather than just f*cking things up.

Being alone better than spending time with most people

NOT socialising is preferable to hanging out with annoying people, it has been claimed.

Pound says it would rather be French

BRITAIN’S currency has denounced its home country and has asked to be adopted by France.

I know real police, warns PCSO

POLICE community support officer Tom Booker has warned some kids that he can get the real police onto them.

Supermoon an excuse to be annoying

BRITAIN'S dicks have used the 'supermoon' to excuse their awful personalities.

Nothing you can say or do will stop us drinking, government told

BRITONS have confirmed that the state can never come between them and drink.

Builders disappointingly competent

COMPETENT builders have left their middle-class employers unable to complain extensively to friends.