Society

UK hit by terrorist shed burglaries

A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.

Lord Freud tells disabled to rent out their wheelchairs

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.

Workers urged to admit they f*cked up

BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.

Our bad-tempered behaviour is not a cry for help, say old men

ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.

Older workers to get nostalgia breaks

WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.

Pension money spent entirely on figurines

RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.

Listening to loud music on train not an act of rebellion

PLAYING loud music on public transport is not a legitimate way of fighting the system, it has emerged.

Midwife strike highly inconvenient, say unborn babies

THOUSANDS of ambitious foetuses have been forced to remain in the womb by the midwives’ strike.