Dad forced to admit decking looks shit

A FATHER has been forced to confront the fact that putting decking in his garden was a mistake.

Londoner helplessly lost in unfamiliar part of London

A WOMAN from Tower Hamlets has absolutely no idea how to get around Mayfair, it has emerged.

Woman flaunts body by existing

A WOMAN has flaunted her figure merely by existing.

Neither casual friend going to break first and add the other on Facebook

A PAIR of friendly acquaintances are locked in stalemate over adding each other on Facebook, it has emerged.

Daily Express reader surprised no one else has thought of nuking Scotland

LAUNCHING Trident missiles at Scotland is the most sensible way to end the row over independence, according to a Daily Express reader.

Night out in Wales is best way to prepare for the apocalypse

A TYPICAL night out in a Welsh town is the best way to prepare yourself for Armageddon, it has been confirmed.

Membership of doomsday cults up 8,000 percent

DOOMSDAY cults have seen a huge rise in new memberships over the last six months, it has emerged.

Middle class man too scared to pronounce 'croissant' in public

A MIDDLE class man is too scared to ask for a croissant in a crowded café in case other middle class people make fun of his pronunciation.