Society

Our jobs are not even slightly dignified, Britain points out

THE prime minister’s promise to give everyone "the dignity of a job" has confused Britons whose jobs are a humiliating parade of shame.

Married couple flirting on Twitter

A MARRIED couple are sending each other flirtatious tweets, horrified onlookers have confirmed.

Tough Mudders defeated by normal conversation

INEXPLICABLY popular assault course event Tough Mudder has introduced a new obstacle that involves having a conversation about non mud-based things.

Ball pits must be ‘drunk friendly’

THE UK’s ball pits must be accessible to drunk adults, according to new legal guidelines.

Homeless man returns coffee to Waitrose

A HOMELESS man has returned a coffee that was given to him by someone exploiting Waitrose’s free drinks offer.

Cheese is dark lord of the fridge

THE other foods in your fridge are all scared of the cheese, it has emerged.

Using words too complicated

USING language to express ideas is far too much trouble, it has been agreed.

Voters warn of weird school smell

SCHOOL halls being used as polling stations have an overpowering childhood stench, it has been claimed.