Society

Scouts to earn badge for running an artisan food van

CREATING an aspirational street food brand is one of a series of new scouting badges, it has been confirmed.

People who like their weekends oppose all forms of marriage

BRITONS who prefer weekends without expensive social obligations have opposed gay and straight marriage.

'Time traveller' actually just a twat

A MAN who looks like he travelled here in a brass time machine actually works in marketing, it has been confirmed.

Babies cry out of spite

INFANTS cry at night because they're little bastards, according to new research.

Pet snakes 'a cry for help'

ANYONE who owns a pet snake is secretly begging for someone to stop them, psychologists have agreed.

People who alter their houses told to stop acting like heroes

HOME improvement enthusiasts are not doing anything that worthwhile, it has been claimed.

Television cleverer than books

WATCHING television drama is more mind-expanding than reading contemporary fiction, it has been claimed.

Frozen yoghurt shops clearly a front for something dodgy

SHOPS specialising in frozen yoghurt must be a cover for some form of criminal activity, it has been claimed.