Dads to spend Christmas hiding in toilet

FATHERS have confirmed their plans to spent long periods of the festive season in the lavatory.

Four-year-olds and forty-year-olds so excited about getting bikes for Christmas

PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.

Brother-in-law unveils pathetic drink driving excuses

YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.

Britons long to be servants

THE pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.

Kids planning to get drunk on chocolate liqueurs

A GROUP of 13-year-olds has revealed plans to get wasted this Christmas by eating a lot of chocolate liqueurs.

Deleting someone on Facebook only way to ensure bumping into them

DELETING someone from your friends list is the only way of making sure that you will bump into them, it has emerged.

Supermarkets are food banks if you have agile fingers

POCKETING things at the supermarket is like going to a really good food bank, it has been claimed.

Kids demanding Frozen toys told to let it go

CHILDREN demanding Frozen merchandise for Christmas have been referred to the lyrics of the song they never stop singing.