Girlfriends announce plan to have some of your chips

THE nation’s girlfriends have announced that they do not want any chips, but they will have some of yours.

Atheist who blocked friend’s toilet resorts to prayer

A COMMITTED atheist who has blocked his friend’s toilet has called upon the mercy of the Lord, he has admitted.

Massive dickhead weirdly successful with women

A GROUP of office workers is genuinely puzzled by the relationship success of a complete dickwad they work with, it has emerged. 

Woman likes everyone except other women

AN EASYGOING woman has confirmed she likes everyone except other women of roughly the same age.

Whole table living in fear of which wine rich friend going to order

A RESTAURANT table of ten is terrified about which wine their rich friend is planning to order.

Waitrose shopper kicks off over lack of artisan crispbreads

A WAITROSE shopper kicked right off because the supermarket ran out of her favourite Peter's Yard Artisan Crispbreads.

Corbyn supporter unveils plan to get over himself

A CORBYN fan has announced plans to get over how amazingly right he was within the next 18 months.

Single mum excited that austerity over and good times now rolling

A SINGLE mother is celebrating the end of austerity and is excited for the fun times ahead.