DAVID Cameron has tasked investigators to look into increased sightings of unemployed people.
ALL words relating to curves have been reclassified to exclusively refer to women's breasts.
MEN who define themselves with fast cars have pledged to become the first of their ilk to get a £10,000 speeding fine.
SUMMER favourite Pimm’s has once again been named as best alcoholic drink with chunks of vegetable in it.
BRITAIN’S schools are to focus on the key subjects of values, awareness and cultural identity.
MOST speeches at christenings, graduation ceremonies and conferences now end with the speaker inviting any haters to fuck themselves.
A £60 fixed penalty will be introduced for anyone texting while under the influence of alcohol.
LONDON’S homeless are to be dealt with using birds of prey.