Woman's day ruined after discovering old school friend is successful

A WOMAN has ruined her day by Googling an old school friend and discovering she has become a surgeon.

Drinkers eagerly waiting for cocktail barman to f**k up

CUSTOMERS at a fancy cocktail bar are hoping against home that the smug ‘mixologist’ juggling bottles behind it breaks something soon.

You need to ask if we need a wee every 90 seconds, children confirm

CHILDREN have confirmed that if they are not asked if they need a wee-wee every minute-and-a-half, they will wet themselves.

Landlord confirms that pint is meant to taste disgusting

A PUB landlord has confirmed that a suspicious pint of ale is meant to taste and smell absolutely vile.

Objectionable prick regularly gets small discounts

AN INSUFFERABLE twat who argues the toss about every minor thing regularly gets 15 per cent off in shops, he has confirmed. 

Man realises he's been singing 'F**k the Pain Away' in the office

A MAN has realised he was singing a sexually explicit song about extreme mental anguish while at work.

Stressful deadlines 'completely made up', admit bosses

BOSSES have confessed that the deadlines they set for nightmare amounts of work are made up at random.

Christian couple to wait until marriage before having threesome

A CHRISTIAN couple have agreed to wait until they are united in holy matrimony before having a threesome.