Key to relationships is dumping the other person first

RELATIONSHIPS are about dumping your partner before they can dump you, it has been claimed.

Local newsagent has spectacular amount of pornography

A LOCAL newsagent has an astounding array of pornographic magazines, it has emerged.

Old white men to be able to do whatever they like

OLD white men are to behave as they please unless it affects other old white men.

Tossers ‘curating’ everything

AN arts twat claims to have curated a cup of tea by adding milk and sugar.

Annoying women claim to look alike

TWO close female friends claim to look almost identical despite this obviously not being the case.

Employers using psychometric tests to separate liars from morons

COMPANIES are using psychometric tests to distinguish between liars and people who are too stupid to lie.

Man with mortgage and kid unable to throw out rave tapes

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker has decided at keep his rave ‘tape packs’ despite being an adult with responsibilities.

Everyone in London doing medical testing

ALL Londoners are taking part in paid medical trials so that they can afford to continue living there, it has been confirmed.