CAKE is not as good as everyone says it is.
CHILDREN without a primary school place are being sent to live on an island without adult supervision.
ALL UK policy decisions are to be based on anecdotal evidence, the government has announced.
THE city of London has begun using lethal death-rays to wipe out its human population.
PARENTS across the UK are drunkenly celebrating the end of six weeks of nightmarish full-time childcare.
GCSE pupils should learn the superfluous bullshit needed for the modern workplace, according to employers.
BRITAIN is the best country in Europe at getting toasted, according to new research.
TEENAGERS about to start university are developing absurd new personalities in an attempt to seem interesting.