Society

Prisoners face roach crisis

A BAN on books in British prisons has deprived inmates of makeshift cigarette filters, according to insiders.

Everyone too up themselves to make the tea

WORKERS are going without hot drinks because everyone in the office thinks they're above making tea, it has emerged.

Bristol is best city because you can smoke weed in the street

BRISTOL is the UK's best city to live in because cannabis is unofficially legal there, it has been claimed.

Modern youth not starting a subculture unless they get paid for it

TEENAGERS are refusing to start an era-defining subculture unless there's money involved.

Most people going to blow hell out of pension pot within 20 minutes

MOST Britons will spend their pension pot on stupid, crazy stuff the very moment they get their hands on it.

Most starter homes now in fantasy games

BRITONS desperate to own homes are increasingly opting to live in Playstation games.

Where’s our tax cut? ask paintballing sherry enthusiasts

PEOPLE who drink sherry after a vigorous afternoon of paintball have demanded a tax cut.

Bez standing for Parliament completes the de-normalisation of Britain

BRITAIN is now fully abnormal after Bez, the Happy Mondays dancing man, decided to stand for Parliament.