Very important marketing meeting exempt from two-minute silence

MARKETING executives at a snack foods company have decided that today’s two-minute silence does not apply to them.

All of man’s knowledge about coffee

A MAN knows a great deal about coffee but nothing about anything else, it has emerged.

Local knobhead still setting off fireworks

A LOCAL knobhead is annoying everyone where he lives by continuing to set off fireworks five days after Bonfire Night.

Bag for life ‘a haunting reminder of mortality’

A REUSABLE shopping bag hanging on the back of a cupboard is a grim reminder of its owner’s inevitable death.

Dad having weird bonding session with TV salesman

A FATHER-OF-THREE  suddenly developed a blokey relationship with a sales assistant while buying a new TV, it has emerged.

Speeding drivers demand punishments that do not inconvenience them in any way

MOTORISTS have called for new punishments for speeding that do not penalise them in any meaningful way.

Office Christmas fanatic does last work of 2015

A CHRISTMAS fixated office worker has processed her last invoice of the year to devote the remaining two months to 'festive preparations'.

Massive support for capitalism following Million Mask March

PEOPLE across Britain have voiced their support for the dominant economic system, it has been confirmed.