Most people not the class they think they are

MOST Britons are not part of the social class they have always claimed they are, research has revealed.

Pope gives atheists permission to think

POPE Francis has allowed atheists to use their brains independently of God.

Angels 'can only intervene in the trivial bullshit of the self-absorbed'

ANGELS exist but can only help narcissists with trivial nonsense.

Teachers to strike because children are vile

TEACHERS are to strike because children are unbearably horrible.

Cake overrated

CAKE is not as good as everyone says it is.

School places shortage solved with uninhabited island

CHILDREN without a primary school place are being sent to live on an island without adult supervision.