Robin in garden is not dead nan visiting for Christmas

A ROBIN has confirmed he is not the vessel of a deceased grandparent returned to visit the family for Christmas, and is just eating some seeds.

Absolutely pathetic twats pretending to be confused by recycling

A COUPLE who claim their local recycling scheme is bafflingly complicated are actually just reactionary twats who like complaining, it has emerged.

Woman manages not to put kid's letter to Santa on Facebook

A MOTHER has been praised for not taking a photo of her child's letter to Father Christmas and posting it to Facebook.

Woman enters fourth day of circling Sainsbury's car park

A WOMAN has reached the limits of physical endurance after spending 96 hours trying to park at a supermarket.

Child told that Wetherspoon is Santa's magic grotto

A FATHER has convinced his young son that a Wetherspoon pub is the home of Santa and his elves.

Visiting relatives call with initial list of impossible demands

THE relatives that arrive this weekend have issued their first tranche of impossible-to-meet demands, with more to follow. 

Random shit things in a basket apparently a 'hamper'

A WICKER basket containing some biscuits and tea bags is apparently a fabulous Victorian-style Christmas hamper, it has been confirmed.

Family worried how grandad will manage without hard Brexit

A PENSIONER will have nothing to occupy his twilight years if the hard Brexit that fills his days is taken away from him, say his worried relatives.