Society

Woman in bestial shopping frenzy pauses briefly to enjoy moment

A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner in the face so she can take in the atmosphere.

Man still hoping he can turn life around before Christmas dinner

AN unemployed, single and homeless man is racing against time to sort his life out before seeing his relatives for Christmas.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.

Men demand Tesco remove ‘gifts for children’ sign

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

Government admits having a life not really an option

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.

Everything now ‘class war’

ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.