Cake overrated

CAKE is not as good as everyone says it is.

School places shortage solved with uninhabited island

CHILDREN without a primary school place are being sent to live on an island without adult supervision.

Government policy to be anecdote-based

ALL UK policy decisions are to be based on anecdotal evidence, the government has announced.

London actively trying to kill humans

THE city of London has begun using lethal death-rays to wipe out its human population.

Parents celebrate end of nightmare

PARENTS across the UK are drunkenly celebrating the end of six weeks of nightmarish full-time childcare.

Pupils ‘must learn workplace bullshit’

GCSE pupils should learn the superfluous bullshit needed for the modern workplace, according to employers.

Britain best in Europe at taking drugs

BRITAIN is the best country in Europe at getting toasted, according to new research.

Freshers working hard on ridiculous personas

TEENAGERS about to start university are developing absurd new personalities in an attempt to seem interesting.