Society

Stella-guzzling arsehole has strong moral stance against drugs

A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.

UK's first non-weird driving instructor discovered

A NON-WEIRD driving instructor  has been discovered in the UK.

Professional Northerner caught drinking wine

A PROFESSIONAL Northerner's credibility is in tatters after he was caught drinking wine.

Teenager too talented to go to university

A TEENAGER is so talented that going to university would be a waste of time for him, he has announced.

90 per cent of people want to post 'so?' under everyone's status updates

MOST people just want to write 'so?’ underneath every status update they see on Facebook, it has been confirmed.

Girls whispering about you

THESE girls are whispering about you, it has been claimed.

No one sure how to tell couple all their baby names are ridiculous

FRIENDS of an expectant couple are unsure how to tell them that all their baby names are utterly absurd.

Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does

A BASTARD cat has shown up his owner by refusing to do that adorable thing he does every day.