Brexiter never going to be truly happy

A BREXIT voter will not be happy even if leaving Europe works out, because of her bad personality.

Job applicants judged on whether their tattoos are any good

TATTOOS may stop you getting a job if they are dated, unimaginative or simply shit, it has emerged. 

First date goes well after nobody tells an ounce of truth

WAYNE Hayes had his best first date ever after completely concealing the majority of his personality, he confirmed.

Worker builds comedy persona around lack of productivity

AN OFFICE worker has been cracking jokes about his lack of output in an attempt to make it acceptable.

Woman leaves house with unmoisturised face

A WOMAN has ventured outside without moisturising her face, it has been confirmed.

Man thinks he is ‘holding court’

A MAN believes he has captivated the room with a tedious story about how great he is.

Elderly man on train silently judging everyone for being on smart phones 

AN elderly man has confirmed he will be silently judging everyone who is using a smartphone on the train when they should be looking at the lovely scenery.

I surfed to work, claims arsehole Londoner

AN INSUFFERABLE London-based interface designer claims to have surfed into his workplace from his Hertfordshire home.