Society

Plumber making men feel inadequate for not knowing plumbing

A PLUMBER regularly humiliates men in their own homes because they do not understand plumbing, it has emerged.

Britons beg to be released from tyranny of Facebook birthdays

MILLIONS are pleading with Facebook to stop making them spend vast amounts of time responding to birthday notifications, it has emerged.

Man finds true happiness comparing himself to less successful friends

A MAN has discovered a profound sense of contentment and inner calm by comparing his fairly average life with the lives of unluckier friends.

Strike-hit workers competing over bullshit travel stories

BULLSHIT stories about epic commutes during strikes are spiralling out of control, it has emerged.

Londoners wonder if this living hell is worth it to be slightly ahead on food trends

LONDONERS are considering whether living in a nightmarish urban dystopia is worth it just to enjoy food crazes two months early.

Utter dickhead wants to know why his relationships keep going wrong

A DICKHEAD does not understand why women keep dumping him.

Man spends ages in wine aisle in desperate bid to feel sophisticated

A MAN who wasted half an hour looking at wine eventually chose the bottle with the nicest label, he has confirmed.

Migrants 'should have to perform passable Morris dance'

ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.