Country with no f**king idea where it's going to focus on trousers and handbags

A COUNTRY which has not the faintest idea where it is going is this week focusing on trousers and handbags owned by politicians.

Exes so lucky to have amazing fake friendship

AN EX-COUPLE feel blessed to still have an incredible pretend friendship.

UK carrying out hit-and-run card deliveries

BRITONS are delivering Christmas cards with maximum stealth to avoid interacting with relatives and neighbours.

Dads in training for pointlessly competitive games of Trivial Pursuit

BRITAIN’S fathers have begun training for the absurdly competitive Christmas Day game of Trivial Pursuit.

Middle class children ask for massive plastic toys to annoy parents

MIDDLE class children are asking for large, brightly coloured plastic toys for Christmas that will ruin their parent’s tasteful lifestyle.

Woman devastated over split with ex's Netflix account

A WOMAN who broke up with her boyfriend has been left heartbroken by the loss of his Netflix account.

Couple attempt to get properly drunk on Baileys

A COUPLE are planning to spend tonight investigating whether it is possible to get seriously drunk on Baileys alone.

Last piece of actual work this year to be completed by 3pm

OFFICE workers across Britain have confirmed that absolutely nothing of consequence will be done next week.