Television binge plans ruined by good weather

MILLIONS of Britons were left unable to view their favourite American TV dramas due to fine weather over the bank holiday weekend.

People who highlight minor grammar points are amazing

THE ability to spot a minor grammar error is proof that you are amazing, it has been confirmed.

Gullible people hit compensation jackpot yet again

GULLIBLE people are to receive yet another compensation payment after taking out insultingly worthless credit card insurance.

Four whole days off, say devious leave-bookers

PEOPLE who booked today off work are laughing at the success of their scheme.

Teenagers reassured that exam results count less than social class

EXAM results are less important than social factors beyond your control, teenagers have been reassured.

Guardian ordered to destroy bourgeois lifestyle articles

THE Guardian has destroyed nauseatingly middle-class articles about garden furniture and teenagers failing to get a place at Oxford.

People who don't buy a house will never be happy

ANYONE who can't get a mortgage may as well kill themselves, according to a new survey.

Car alarm sound not associated with car being stolen

EVERYONE assumes car alarms are just going off for no reason, it has emerged.