Delivery driver's coming anticipated like Christ's

THE coming of a DPD driver who will drop off a package today has been anticipated like the return of the messiah.

'Have I told you I'm in therapy now?' asks friend who talks about nothing else

A WOMAN who has started therapy mentions it in every single conversation, it has emerged.

Office worker strangely not praised for being shitfaced in meeting

AN EMPLOYEE was surprised to receive a formal warning for drinking heavily in a meeting like Sports Direct boss Mike Ashley.

Worker unable to rationalise why he ate a Greggs pasty

AN OFFICE worker is unable to figure out why he ate a pasty from Greggs for his lunch.

Bristol to be reclassified as London suburb

BRISTOL is so overrun by 'relocating' London twats that it might as well just be in London, it has been confirmed.

Selfish nurses quitting to kick back and enjoy their massive wealth

NURSES are leaving the NHS in record numbers because they are already minted, it has emerged.

26-year-old man believes he is first person to have a social conscience

A MAN has been lecturing friends about various injustices as though he is the first person to have thought about them, it has emerged.

Tiresome attention seeker reminds everyone that childbirth affects your vagina

A WOMAN who just wants attention has described how having a baby made her fanny go weird.