Comment recommender honoured for services to the internet

A MAN who indiscriminately clicks the ‘recommend’ button on internet comments has been honoured for helping to keep the internet going.

Keytars to be allowed in prisons

THE ban on musical instruments in prison does not include cool synths, it has been confirmed.

Kittens reaching peak cuteness

KITTENS are at a point of maximum cuteness beyond which they will no longer be a mental balm, experts have warned.

World's best restaurants full of world's worst people

THE world's most esteemed eating places are almost entirely populated by dicks.

Small vegetables must be exterminated, says giant vegetable grower

AN elderly grower of prize-winning giant vegetables has admitted wanting to see smaller vegetables destroyed.

Daily special unchanged

A LONDON cafe has been accused of having chicken kievs with chips on its specials board since Sunday.

Applicants advised not to bring box of wine to mortgage interview

STRICT new mortgage rules will mean applicants should not turn up to their bank or building society with a three-litre box of wine.

Person with no power should no longer be head of irrelevant thing, says ‘deputy prime minister’

A PERSON with no power should no longer be the symbolic head of an organisation that does not matter, according to someone who made up his own job.