Parents who listen to child discover he is a f**kwit

A COUPLE who dutifully listen to their six-year-old son have reached the conclusion that he is a complete idiot.

Idiot didn’t win on Grand National

TOM Logan has failed miserably to predict the winner of the Grand National, earning contempt from colleagues.

Potheads mourn author who got them back into reading

CANNABIS users are mourning the death of Howard Marks, whose autobiography got them back into reading.

First-time buyers unable to resist celebratory Facebook post

A COUPLE could not stop themselves bragging on Facebook about buying their first house, it has emerged.

Britons spending typical Sunday giving £200,000 to their children

PARENTS across Britain are enjoying a traditional Sunday giving six-figure sums to their offspring.

Woman admits her ‘guilty pleasure’ is masturbation

A WOMAN has admitted her ‘guilty pleasure’ is not Hollyoaks, Curly Wurlys or the music of Neil Diamond but masturbation.

Most popular baby names now just random jumbles of letters

THE trend for original baby names has led parents to use random sequences of letters like Lllrdwnnq.

Britons to read every word of EU booklet before moving on to Capital One invitation

BRITONS are to painstakingly peruse the Government’s 14-page pro-EU booklet before doing the same with their latest letter from Capital One.