Middle class 'just working class people with nicer stuff'

MIDDLE class people share 100% of their genetic material with working class people, it has emerged.

Colleague still not back at work

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has still not returned to work after the Christmas break, sparking widespread speculation.

No-one has faintest idea what ‘social cohesion’ is

THE term ‘social cohesion’ has left everyone in Britain utterly baffled, it has been confirmed.

Britain okay with a riot as long as it’s quick

BRITAIN is happy for north London to have a riot as long as it does not drag on for days.

Cost of going to work overtakes pay 

THE average workers' commute now costs them more than they earn.

Everyone totally fine with porn sites storing user data

IT'S really not worrying that porn websites have information about users' whereabouts and habits, according to everyone.

27 all newspaper headlines to begin with random number

NEWSPAPERS are hoping to increase readership by placing a randomly selected number at the start of each headline.

Gambling machines 'the stock market for poor people'

HIGH-STAKES gambling machines are the nearest poor people can get to the thrill of the stock exchange, according to bookmakers.