'Remember us?' Southern Rail asks terrified commuters

SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.

Britons wake from nightmares about going back to work to find it is a reality

WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.

Experts identify the two good things that have happened this year

ONLY two things this year could properly be classed as ‘good’, it has been confirmed.

Not opening presents until after Queen's Speech is bullshit, say experts

EXPERTS have confirmed that waiting until after the Queen’s Speech to open presents is total bullshit.

Countdown to disaster as man forgets to tell mum that new girlfriend is vegan

A MAN has unwittingly laid the groundwork for a disastrous Christmas lunch by forgetting to say that his girlfriend is vegan.

Some bollocks about bin collections

SOME bollocks about bin collections, it has been confirmed.

Teenagers turn short train journey into massive f**king drama

A GROUP of teenagers has managed to turn a 25-minute rail journey into a tiresome drama starring themselves, it has emerged.

Man steeling himself for two hours of helping with cooking

A FATHER-OF-TWO is psyching himself up to assist with the cooking on Christmas Day.