Dads deprived of sexual arousal at the breakfast table

FATHERS have responded to the end of Page 3 by claiming it was just an innocent bit of sexual stimulation to enjoy with their cereal.

Richest one per cent own 98 per cent of ridiculous gaudy shit

THE world’s super-rich own almost all of the world’s hideous fancy things, it has emerged.

Definitive link found between money and happiness

SCIENTISTS have proven once and for all that happiness can be bought with sufficient money.

Racist struggling to draw swastikas

AN ILLITERATE white supremacist still believes in his genetic superiority even though he is unable to correctly draw a swastika.

Thousands more suckers conned onto cruises

TENS of thousands of British marks have been tricked into spending their life savings on a fortnight on a luxury prison ship.

It’s not about what you think it’s about, say clever people

WHATEVER the public believe things are about, they are actually about something else entirely, clever people have confirmed.

Brave racist speaks out in climate of racism

A BRAVE racist has not allowed the atmosphere of hostility toward Islam to stop him speaking out against Muslims.

Sexually adventurous couple only doing it to look good

A COUPLE who experiment sexually are only doing it to appear broadminded, it has emerged.