Being a careers advisor 'should disqualify you from giving careers advice'

PROFESSIONAL careers advisors have admitted that their job is awful so they should probably shut up.

Kestrel tax absolutely necessary, says Cameron

A TAX on kestrels belonging to underprivileged young boys is vital to Britain’s economic recovery, according to the prime minister.

Lent ‘bollocks’

LENT is bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Internet argument resolved

AN ARGUMENT on the internet has been resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.

Childcare better value than mortgage, say parents

HAVING the children taken away for a bit is more important than having a house, according to parents.

Working class kids to get brioche, chalk paint and crippling anxiety

POOR children are being given the three key middle class things as part of a government bid to improve them.

Satan announces cut in soul prices

THE devil has announced a reduction in the fee paid for human souls.

'Couples' railcard to trap thousands in hateful relationships

PEOPLE in damaging relationships will stay together to get a third off rail travel, it has been claimed.