Date going well until he goes and orders the f**king cheese board

A FIRST date was going absolutely brilliantly until he only went and ordered the f**king cheese board, a woman has confirmed. 

Builders working on rich couple's house not aware they are unpaid interns

BUILDERS renovating a wealthy couple’s large Cotswolds home do not realise they are unpaid interns, it has emerged.

Every airport in world currently hosting World's Most Obnoxious Bastard competition

EVERY airport is currently holding a competition to find the most obnoxious bastard in the world, it has emerged.

Man confirms every stereotype about ghastly media wankers

A MAN with some sort of job at a TV company instantly confirms your worst prejudices about media arseholes, it has emerged.

Bride-to-be wondering if Prince Harry will pay for Grenadier Guards to escort her to registry office

A WOMAN who helps fund the royal family hopes Prince Harry will return the favour by arranging some Grenadier Guards for her wedding.

Friend claiming to be 'five minutes away' such a f**king liar

A WOMAN was 'five minutes away' for an hour and a half, it has been confirmed.

Everyone hating group of blokes in pub more than they have ever hated anything

ABSOLUTELY everybody loathes the loud group of uber-dicks who have settled right in the middle of the pub, it has emerged.

Royal wedding is fantastic news, says everyone in Cheltenham branch of Waitrose

THE royal wedding is incredibly exciting, according to all the wealthy white people in the Cheltenham branch of Waitrose.