Muslim man in Northampton asked what he's doing about ISIS

A 38-YEAR-OLD Muslim working as a land surveyor in Northampton has been asked how he plans to stop ISIS.

Oxford English Dictionary shuts down and tells Britain to f**k off

THE Oxford English Dictionary has declared the ‘tears of joy emoji’ as Word of the Year before telling Britain to go f**k itself.

Northern Powerhouse relocated to London

THE best place for the ‘Northern Powerhouse’ scheme is probably in London after all, the government has announced.

Joggers have own class system

AMATEUR runners have their own rigid class system, it has emerged.

Decadent western lifestyles expected to continue

THERE is a high probability that the decadent western lifestyle will be maintained, it has emerged.

Man riding penny farthing is coolest motherf**ker of all time

A HIPSTER riding an old bicycle through London has been judged the coolest motherf**ker in history.

Self-deprecating remark about age goes unchallenged

A MAN is taking legal action after colleagues failed to reassure him when he joked about everything being in black and white when he was young.

Hard local man wrongly assumed to be ‘Movember’ participant

A LOCAL hard person with a moustache has aggressively confirmed that he has never heard of Movember.