Fuck That, Say New Men

NEW men last night said fuck this for game of soldiers and ordered their wives to make the bloody tea.

Rowling Exists In Some Kind Of Fantasy World, Say Experts

JK Rowling seems to exist in a fantasy world where Gordon Brown cares about something other than his own career, a leading psychologist said last night.

Do Not Make Soup While Driving, Warns Rac

MAKING soup while driving is incredibly dangerous and should only be attempted after a stiff drink, new research suggests. 

Drinkers Divided Into Nine Types Of Bollocks

THE government stepped up its battle against alcohol abuse yesterday by dividing drinkers into nine different types of marketing bollocks.

Everyone Making Everything Worse, All The Time

EVERYONE needs to shut it right now because they are making everything worse, according to a new report.

Everyone To Fuck-Up Their House

HOUSES across Britain will be fucked beyond repair this weekend as millions embark on their own horrendously ill-condsidered DIY extension.

Britain To Welcome Belly Dancing Hovercraft Pilots

BRITAIN has thrown open its doors to the next generation of belly dancing hovercraft pilots who know how to train a horse.

Coldplay link to unbearable arseholes

FANS of Coldplay are more likely to display the personality traits of unbearable, self-satisfied arseholes, according to new research.