Latent Homosexuality Drops To 36%

JUST over one third of the UK population is still claiming that same sex relationships are wrong while secretly dreaming of hot gay action, according to new research.

Shoppers Stuck With Taste Of Morrisons

A MONTH after Christmas, thousands of shoppers are still unable to remove the taste of Morrisons from their mouths, according to a new survey.

Labour MPs Send Children To Working Class Private School

A SPECIAL working class-themed private school has been established for the children of Labour MPs worried about social inequality.

New Website To Reveal Exactly Why Britain Doesn't Work

THE inventor of the world wide web has unveiled a new website which could eventually reveal the precise reason why Britain is no longer a suitable habitat for human beings.

Class 4b Intrigued By Tory 'Super-Teachers'

CLASS 4B last night said it cannot wait to meet David Cameron's new breed of unbreakable super-teachers.

Scotland Wakes Up Covered In Piss Again

SCOTLAND has woken up on the sofa, drenched in its own urine for the fifth time since Boxing Day.

Tories Pledge Tax Breaks For Musical Families

A TORY government would use the tax and benefits system to reward families who sing together regularly or perform amusing skits.

Gina Ford Looks Like Herman Goering, Says Clegg

NICK Clegg has renewed his attack on Gina Ford, claiming the popular baby mechanic looks like fat Nazi Herman Goering.