Deadbeat uncle still thinks he is cool uncle

A DEADBEAT uncle mistakenly believes he is a cool uncle, it has emerged.

School uniform row has something for every idiot

A ROW over school uniforms has delighted a wide range of idiots across the UK.

Everyone quite capable of taking drugs at home

BRITONS do not need to go to a nightclub to take drugs, it has been confirmed.

Woman horrified to discover she is older than Beyonce

A WOMAN has decided to stop trying to achieve anything after discovering she is older than Beyonce.

Man observing that nights are drawing in thinks nobody else has noticed

A MAN who keeps commenting on the darker evenings does not understand that everyone else is trying to ignore it.

34-year-old skateboarder wows high street

A GROWN man has wowed onlookers by skateboarding down a high street and doing some sort of flip that didn’t come off.

Couple certain they are better than all other couples

TWO people in a relationship are convinced that they are the best couple.

Drunk Scottish friend's text 'possibly paragraph from Irvine Welsh novel'

A SCOTSMAN has sent a drunken text to his friend that may or may not be a passage from an Irvine Welsh novel.