Still easier to just do it your f**king self

RESEARCHERS have found that rather than go to all the trouble of explaining to some other dick how to do it you might as well do it your f**king self.

Londoner 'fine' with being surrounded by bastard neighbours for the rest of his life

A LONDONER is perfectly happy about always living in flats surrounded by total bastard neighbours, he has claimed.

Man gets sugar from bowl to mug without making total f**king mess

A MAN has been able to get sugar into his tea without spilling it across every conceivable surface in the area.

Non-competitive woman just likes being the best at everything

A WOMAN has insisted that it is definitely not a competition and she simply 'enjoys' being really good at things.

Don’t call me stupid, says Brexiter before saying something stupid

A BREXIT supporter is  sick of being called stupid despite continually saying stupid things, it has emerged.

Couple split after empty Pringles tube put back in cupboard

A COUPLE has been torn apart by a cynical act of Pringles-based selfishness, it has emerged.

Man doing walk of shame immensely proud of himself

A MAN doing the ‘walk of shame’ home from a one-night stand is in fact very proud of having had sex last night, he has confirmed.

Scouts 'still seem a bit weird'

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that the whole Scouting movement is apparently fine while still looking very weird.