SCHOOL halls being used as polling stations have an overpowering childhood stench, it has been claimed.
A HORRIFIED man has realised the party he promised to attend tonight will be spent watching David Dimbleby and Andrew Neil.
MOST adults spend more then ten hours a week slumped in stationary cars hiding from their miserable lives, it has emerged.
THE biggest dickhead you grew up with is now claiming to be a mixed martial arts fighter.
A THREE-DAY weekend has reinvigorated workers’ resentment of the shit they have to do for money.
BRITAIN has condemned small talk as idiotic and pointless and called for its immediate abolition.
USE of the insult ‘prick’ is at its highest level since the late 1980s, researchers have found.
THE Church of England is to sell its shares in fossil fuel companies and continue to not give that money to the poor.