Bag for life ‘a haunting reminder of mortality’

A REUSABLE shopping bag hanging on the back of a cupboard is a grim reminder of its owner’s inevitable death.

Dad having weird bonding session with TV salesman

A FATHER-OF-THREE  suddenly developed a blokey relationship with a sales assistant while buying a new TV, it has emerged.

Speeding drivers demand punishments that do not inconvenience them in any way

MOTORISTS have called for new punishments for speeding that do not penalise them in any meaningful way.

Office Christmas fanatic does last work of 2015

A CHRISTMAS fixated office worker has processed her last invoice of the year to devote the remaining two months to 'festive preparations'.

Massive support for capitalism following Million Mask March

PEOPLE across Britain have voiced their support for the dominant economic system, it has been confirmed.

Man in new relationship fakes joy at autumn colours

A BOYFRIEND of two months has expressed fake wonder at how the leaves have changed colour.

For Christ’s sake get home before the little bastards come out, UK warned

PEOPLE should be in a state of lockdown inside their homes before children armed with fireworks start roaming the streets, officials have warned.

No-nonsense grandad turns off film during sex scene

A GRANDFATHER has turned off his television as soon as a sex scene began.