HEROIN addict Tom Logan has reached a walking speed of 18 miles per hour while going to score.
YOU cannot have any time off at Christmas because everyone else has already booked theirs, it has emerged.
HUNDREDS of women are still being carried around on mens' shoulders as they leave Glastonbury.
THE term ‘socialising’ actually means drinking heavily, it has emerged.
WELL-GROOMED young women who do not take drugs are pretending to be excited about attending Glastonbury Festival.
FATHER-OF-TWO Tom Booker has decided his children will not inherit his personal fortune of two Billy bookcases, some DVDs and a broken cross-trainer.
A HIGH-SPEED train service will halve the time it takes to commute between Leeds and Manchester for a fight.
A VEHICLE more than 14 years old passed several newer and more powerful cars on the M4 yesterday.