Society

Good performance at work to be rewarded with stickers

MEETING or exceeding work targets is now being recognised with a range of shiny stickers.

Old school acquaintance acting like you were friends

A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.

Sober October deferred until No-Drink November

DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.

Fancy burgers not actually that great

FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.

Humans made to wear tax discs

THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.

Middle class parents leaving public school prospectuses lying around

PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.

‘Totally legal’ things always morally wrong

ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.

Pinch and punch to be rigidly enforced

OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.