MUM Mary Fisher never admits to being out of the house on social media in case she gets burgled.
A MAN uses the meaningless word ‘bosh’ after doing even the simplest thing, it has emerged.
FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.
A MOTHER has finally got around to finishing reading her now grown-up daughter’s teenage diaries.
THE driver of a mobile library is playing the chimes of an ice-cream van on his rounds as the perfect way to upset children, he has confirmed.
A WOMAN who dreamed that her partner was having an affair with her best friend has remained absolutely furious about it for the whole day.
A MAN has expressed joy at finally being old enough to go for a pint alone and not have anyone question him about it.
MEMBERS of the public have told politicians they will not settle for anything less than living in a small village surrounded by a high wall.