Speeding drivers demand punishments that do not inconvenience them in any way

MOTORISTS have called for new punishments for speeding that do not penalise them in any meaningful way.

Office Christmas fanatic does last work of 2015

A CHRISTMAS fixated office worker has processed her last invoice of the year to devote the remaining two months to 'festive preparations'.

Massive support for capitalism following Million Mask March

PEOPLE across Britain have voiced their support for the dominant economic system, it has been confirmed.

Man in new relationship fakes joy at autumn colours

A BOYFRIEND of two months has expressed fake wonder at how the leaves have changed colour.

For Christ’s sake get home before the little bastards come out, UK warned

PEOPLE should be in a state of lockdown inside their homes before children armed with fireworks start roaming the streets, officials have warned.

No-nonsense grandad turns off film during sex scene

A GRANDFATHER has turned off his television as soon as a sex scene began.

Friends suspect man may be lying about the North

SOUTHERN friends of a man from the North  suspect he is lying about how gritty yet welcoming the region is, they have revealed.

Christmas 'train chaos' raises hope that relatives will be unable to visit

RAIL delays this Christmas could prevent tiresome family members from coming to your house, it has emerged.