Genuinely unexpected item found in bagging area

A SOLID gold South American idol, lost for 1,600 years, has been found unexpectedly in the self-service bagging area of a Swindon Tesco.

Newborn baby has no idea what it just did to its mother

A BABY is enjoying its first few days on earth with absolutely no clue of the havoc it has wreaked on its mother's body and mind.

52 per cent of Britons don’t believe in moon landings and that number sounds familiar, say experts

52 per cent of the UK does not believe the moon landings happened, and that is not the first time that number has made headlines recently.

Economic growth is bollocks and we don’t need it, say Brexiters

BRITAIN’S reduced economic growth forecast means the whole concept is probably bollocks, Brexit supporters have explained.

Most ‘banter’ actually just people talking shit

THE vast majority of the UK’s ‘banter’ fails to meet basic levels of pithiness, experts have revealed.

May to purge Britain of people who steal toilet paper from work 

THERESA May has launched a brutal crackdown on people who steal toilet rolls from their employers.

Working classes now eating Viennetta 

WORKING class families are now eating Vienetta for dessert, it has been revealed.

You may as well start looting now, say experts

EVERYTHING is falling apart so you should get a head start on your looting, experts have confirmed.