Society

Hipsters breeding with cockneys

THE influx of hipsters to East London has resulted in a new hybrid species, scientists have announced.

Britain appoints new lowest common denominator

A 42-YEAR-OLD man has been named as the UK's new lowest common denominator.

Man picks up warm dog shit, seals it in a bag then leaves it in the hedge

A DOG walker has bagged a pile of fresh canine faeces then put it back in almost the same place.

Postcards of red phoneboxes to show they're only used for crime

POSTCARDS featuring traditional red phoneboxes must now show they are exclusively used for sex, drugs and public urination.

Miliband unveils massively stupid idea

ED Miliband will take money from pensioners so he can bribe students who are going to vote Labour anyway.

Unlikeability no barrier to success

MORE unlikeable people than ever before are gaining promotion at work, it has emerged.

Your dad could still have you in a fight

MODERN men have been warned that their fathers could easily kick the shit out of them.

Binge drinkers ‘most intelligent and sensitive’

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.