Society

Everyone must like everything

PEOPLE who don't like everything must have something wrong with them, it has been confirmed.

Becoming friends with neighbours will ruin your life

SOCIAL contact with neighbours must be avoided at all costs, experts have warned.

Everyone learning Spanish actually just looking for a relationship

BRITONS taking Spanish lessons are just doing it to meet someone nice, it has been confirmed.

Speedy boarding named most feeble attempt at one-upmanship

PAYING to get on a budget flight slightly before others is the weakest possible attempt to show off, it has been confirmed.

Middle class families standing round unsolicited tabloid newspaper on doormat

MIDDLE class families have gathered around a tabloid newspaper that was put through their letter box without permission.

Britain hoping ‘spornosexual’ just goes away

BRITAIN is studiously ignoring the term ‘spornosexual’ in the hope that it won’t become a real thing.

World’s Second Greatest Dad mugs this year’s big seller

CHILDREN are celebrating Father’s Day with gifts that admit their dads are deeply flawed people who are trying their best.

Cameron consigns unemployment to the X-Files

DAVID Cameron has tasked investigators to look into increased sightings of unemployed people.