Society

Mums vow to keep you updated on people you barely knew at school

MUMS have renewed their pledge to keep phoning with news about people you didn’t really know at school.

Liking mornings linked to being stupid

PEOPLE who are upbeat in the morning have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.

Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

ADULTS are violently arguing in an office this morning because of the public’s decision to give a boat a stupid name.

Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers.

Cafe customer plugs in laptop, kettle and toaster

A MAN in a cafe has plugged in his computer and various items of kitchen equipment, it has emerged.

Millions of women left unabused after Twitter outage

WOMEN across the world experienced a 50-minute gap in online abuse last night after Twitter was hit by technical problems.

Airport sniffer dog demands power to confiscate delicious meat products

A SNIFFER dog has demanded new powers to seize sausages, biscuits and other snack foods.

Tax scandal reminds man that it would be nice to have a job

THE offshore tax avoidance scandal has reminded a man that earning enough money to pay tax would be quite nice.