Society

Southern scientists discover some Northerners not working class

SCIENTISTS from the south east have been surprised to learn that not everyone in the North is working class.

Mum enjoys holiday in supermarket car park

A MUM who ‘popped out for milk’ is secretly enjoying a half-hour weekend mini-break in her car outside Tesco.

Men will never know joy of taking off bra at the end of a long day

MEN will never know the transcendent joy of removing a bra at the end of a very long day, woman have confirmed.

Ironic moustaches defeated by deadly serious moustaches

MEN are no longer growing Movember moustaches for charity because they all have entirely serious moustaches already.

Poppies must be visible from every angle, say Poppy Police

REMEMBRANCE Day poppies must be worn to be visible from any angle to avoid disrespecting the fallen, the Poppy Police have confirmed.

Single woman imagines married friends give a shit about her love life

A SINGLE woman is convinced her coupled-up friends cannot wait to hear the latest instalment of the crazy rollercoaster that is her love life.

The Mash guide to the must-have toys this Christmas

CHRISTMAS is coming, and more importantly so is Black Friday, so it’s time for parents to dig deep and queue for eight hours for this year’s must-have toys.

Man's wellbeing improved by job on bullshit wellbeing survey

A MAN is much happier after getting a well-paid job on a dubious survey into the nation’s ‘wellbeing’, he has revealed.