Everyone worried winter hats make them look like dicks

MILLIONS of Britons are feeling unconfident in their winter hats.

Writing with pen and paper hailed as latest twatty show-off thing to do

SITTING in a cafe with a notepad instead of a computer is the new twatty thing to do, it has been confirmed.

Working class man not particularly angry

A WORKING class man has confirmed that he is not remotely full of hate.

Sucker MCs to blame for everything

SUCKER MCs and their lack of dope rhymes are responsible for the state of the world, it has emerged.

London couple who ‘don't need a car’ want a lift

A COUPLE from London who insist they do not need a car have asked for a lift.

Man seems to think he helped out with World War Two

A 42-YEAR-OLD man thinks he had something to do with Britain’s historical military victories.

'Hungover' now recognised as a school of philosophy

THE wisdom and insight that comes with a hangover is to be taught as part of philosophy courses.

Everyone getting hammered tonight for bad reasons

BRITAIN is to get hammered as usual tonight but for bad reasons, not celebratory, end-of-the-week ones.