Society

Totally unreasonable bastards expecting man to do his job

A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged.

Star Wars character names coming to a nursery near you

MORON parents are to call their babies things like Poe and Kylo Ren, it has been confirmed.

Birthdays cancelled for a month

ANYONE unlucky enough to have a birthday in the next month might as well not bother, research has shown.

Pint spillage forgiven in most grudging possible manner

A MAN has ostensibly forgiven the accidental spillage of his pint while maintaining a threat level close to maximum.

Relationships to be privatised

ALL romantic relationships will soon be provided by private companies, the government has announced.

Dads to spend Christmas hiding in toilet

FATHERS have confirmed their plans to spent long periods of the festive season in the lavatory.

Four-year-olds and forty-year-olds so excited about getting bikes for Christmas

PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.

Brother-in-law unveils pathetic drink driving excuses

YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.