Overpaid council boss refreshingly open about it

LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.

‘Vibrant’ restaurant actually just a living hell

A RESTAURANT noted for its ‘vibrant’ and ‘bustling’ atmosphere is really just a wretched hellhole of noise and heat, it has emerged.

Bigotry not a legitimate thing to be proud of

HAVING a racist attitude is not something you can reasonably boast about, it has been confirmed.

Men looking for pub toilet act like they know where it is

MEN who cannot find the pub toilet disguise the fact by striding manfully, it has emerged.

Uppity bishops expressing views on how humans should treat each other

CHURCH of England bishops have been accused of meddling in how humans interact.

'Sarf London' not representative of any accent

PEOPLE with t-shirts, tote bags or Twitter bios that say 'Sarf London' have failed to grasp how cockneys talk, it has been claimed.

Men with long hair far too into it

MEN are unable to have long hair without becoming preening narcissists, it has emerged.

Legal system to be replaced by what everyone on Twitter reckons

ALL trials are to take place on place on Twitter in order to save money.