Society

Someone always has to be difficult, confirm scientists

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.

Scotland unveils 'Birthplace of F*cking' slogan

SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.

Waitrose shopping contained intimidatingly working class spider

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

UK hit by terrorist shed burglaries

A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.

Lord Freud tells disabled to rent out their wheelchairs

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.

Workers urged to admit they f*cked up

BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.

Our bad-tempered behaviour is not a cry for help, say old men

ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.

Older workers to get nostalgia breaks

WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.