Society

Pay increase doesn't compensate for loss of bonuses, say minimum wagers

MINIMUM wage earners have blasted their pay rise of 19p an hour as inadequate recompense for losing their multi-million pound bonuses.

Oh shit, say tube drivers

LONDON tube drivers have admitted that the game may be up.

Councils to use ducking stools for benefit claimants

COUNCILS have started plunging unemployed people in rivers to see if they float, it has been confirmed.

All people thrown out of nightclubs were treated unfairly

EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.

Adult birthdays to be ignored

GROWN-UPS should stop expecting to be treated as if they are special once a year, it has been claimed.

Being a careers advisor 'should disqualify you from giving careers advice'

PROFESSIONAL careers advisors have admitted that their job is awful so they should probably shut up.

Kestrel tax absolutely necessary, says Cameron

A TAX on kestrels belonging to underprivileged young boys is vital to Britain’s economic recovery, according to the prime minister.

Lent ‘bollocks’

LENT is bollocks, it has been confirmed.