MOST of the UK population feels like shit, it has emerged.
THE government has cut benefits to 80s levels in tribute to Baroness Thatcher.
DAVID Cameron has pledged to help 120,000 of the most irritating middle class families.
A MASSIVE £7 Jaffa Cake could be used in psychological manipulation, it has been claimed.
IT has been 24 hours since the Great Passing and many people are now extremely bored and ready to move on.
THE general public has been warned of the health and safety pitfalls of dancing on Thatcher's grave.
THOUSANDS of people under 35 are rejoicing at the demise of a woman they once read about.
EVERYONE in Britain north of Birmingham is already very drunk indeed.