Mobile library playing ice-cream van music just to f**k kids up

THE driver of a mobile library is playing the chimes of an ice-cream van on his rounds as the perfect way to upset children, he has confirmed.

Woman angry with boyfriend about what he did in her dream

A WOMAN who dreamed that her partner was having an affair with her best friend has remained absolutely furious about it for the whole day.

Man finally old enough to go for pint by himself

A MAN has expressed joy at finally being old enough to go for a pint alone and not have anyone question him about it.

Britons demand to live in medieval village surrounded by a wall

MEMBERS of the public have told politicians they will not settle for anything less than living in a small village surrounded by a high wall.

Couple saving to take parents out and ask them for a mortgage deposit

A COUPLE are setting aside money so that they can take their parents to a local restaurant and beg for a house deposit.

Gentrifier couple show terrified middle class parents around their new area

A YOUNG couple have given their frightened relatives a tour of the deprived but ‘up and coming’ area where they have bought a flat.

Worker enters seventh year of anger

AN OFFICE worker has been furious with his colleagues, clients and all office equipment for seven years straight, it has emerged.

Brexiters flock to see ‘Weeping Di’ memorial plate

‘OUT’ voters are flocking to see a Princess Diana plate that weeps real tears, it has emerged.