Schools blow £1.3 billion windfall on electricity, furniture and books

UK schools are treating themselves to luxuries like pens, textbooks and buckets to catch leaks after receiving a gigantic windfall from the government.

Eternal vengeance sworn on van driver by motorist who really means it this time

A MOTORIST has solemnly promised the van driver who cut him up that this time he really will ruin his life.

Woman in Starbucks waiting for you to use the loo just so she can knock on the door when you’re in there

A WOMAN is waiting patiently for you to enter the toilet in Starbucks just so she can let you know that other people would like to use it at some point.

BBC decides Britain 'not ready' for Glaswegian Dalek

THE BBC is under fire after claiming Britain ‘could not cope’ with a Glaswegian Dalek.

'I am here to f**k shit up' says baby at wedding

A BABY attending his first wedding is looking forward to causing total carnage.

Man outwits Student Loans Company by staying poor forever

AN ingenious graduate has hatched a plan to avoid repaying his student loan by never earning a decent wage.

Joy as grown man falls off skateboard

BRITAIN was cheered yesterday as a man on a skateboard fell hard on his face while trying to ‘ollie’ up a kerb.

Two Waitrose shoppers trapped in endless ‘no, after you’ loop

TWO shoppers have become trapped in the doorway of their local Waitrose with both insisting the other goes through first.