A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.
A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.
BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.
ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.
WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.
RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.
PLAYING loud music on public transport is not a legitimate way of fighting the system, it has emerged.
THOUSANDS of ambitious foetuses have been forced to remain in the womb by the midwives’ strike.