Society

Wisdom ends association with beards

THE virtue of wisdom has ended its affiliation with beards.

Couples that watch TV in bed have better vicarious sex lives

COUPLES with televisions in the bedroom enjoy better and more frequent sex by proxy, it has emerged.

Audi TTs driven exclusively by people who can't really afford them

EVERYONE who owns an Audi TT is living slightly beyond their means, it has emerged.

Hen parties embark on lifeless parody of fun

THOUSANDS of hen parties are preparing for raucous yet entirely fake fun.

Basically confirmed as the new literally

BASICALLY is this year's top superfluous word, it has been confirmed.

Government denies Buy A Massive House Free Money Woo Yeah! scheme is a stupid idea

FIRST-TIME buyers can now borrow unlimited money to buy a castle, George Osborne has confirmed.

Fence-cutters far cheaper than festival tickets

TOOLS for cutting holes in fences cost much less than music festival tickets, it has emerged.

Pretty girl in summer dress is most depressing sight imaginable

AN attractive young woman in a pretty summer dress is putting men and woman alike in a terrible mood.