Society

Polo shirt wearers slammed for lack of effort

POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.

Five-year-olds told fun is over for next 60 years 

CHILDREN have begun six decades of doing things they do not want to do.

‘Tech-savvy’ children shit at adult things

DESPITE being good at using technology, children are useless at adult pursuits like pub brawls or running a small business.

Johnson to press ahead with island for people called Boris

BORIS Johnson is to create an island sanctuary for people called Boris.

Pavements face gridlock

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.

Graduates doing low-paid jobs in a moody way

UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.

Privacy experts too paranoid even for lunch

The UK’s foremost authorities on privacy law have refused to confirm their availability for a working lunch next Friday.

DVLA getting kids to make tax discs

THE DVLA has a team of seven-year-old girls making its tax discs using colourful card and glitter.