Boris unveils latest obvious solution

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his newest idea that could not possibly go wrong.

Moleskine notebooks best for unfinished ideas

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.

Everyone to get gold object

ANY person with a job is to be given a gold object and lots of attention, it has emerged.

No good chocolate bars since 1981

EVERY chocolate bar invented since the Wispa has been either uninspired or disgusting, it has emerged.

App shows all the dead people around you

A NEW smartphone app combines geolocation and the paranormal to show all the ghosts in your vicinity.

Children naturally awful

KIDS are dreadful regardless of whether they've had sugar, it has emerged.

Cameron to tackle homelessness with hyenas 

BRITAIN'S homeless people are to be eaten by imported carnivores, it has emerged.

Harman and Mail are two sides of the same screeching moron, say experts

HARRIET Harman and the Daily Mail are two sides of the same unbearable coin, experts have confirmed.