Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does

A BASTARD cat has shown up his owner by refusing to do that adorable thing he does every day.

Successful A-Level student to mention results every day for rest of life

A STUDENT who received top A-Level results plans to work them into every conversation she has for the rest of her life.

Parents practising shocked expressions ahead of son's shit A-level results

A COUPLE are working hard on their shocked faces in preparation for their son’s inevitably shitty A-level results.

White supremacists ‘commemorate the past’ by living with their parents

WHITE supremacists are ‘commemorating the past’ by refusing to leave their parents’ basements.

Usual dicks making idiotic fuss over maintenance of large bell

THE maintenance of a large bell in central London has caused uproar among the usual dicks.

Despotic lunatic forces women to become 'maids' and wear matching uniforms

A GROUP of women are being forced to act as 'maids' to a power-mad lunatic.

Passengers desperate to know backstory of bus drivers who didn't wave to each other

BUS passengers have been speculating on a breach of protocol after two bus drivers failed to wave to each other.

Old guy who is always in pub still not saying hello

AN old man who has been drinking in the same pub for years still refuses to say hello to fellow patrons, it has been confirmed.