Society

Bored office workers can't remember what they did before the internet

SKIVING desk workers can no longer recall how they got through the day before they had websites to look at.

Boss thinks it's probably time to bollock everyone

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

Punk not as important as former punk thinks

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.

Pervasive stench of rice cakes means someone's on a diet

THE sickening odour of rice cakes drifting across the country has prompted a nationwide search for a person on a diet.

Peak peak reached

THE world is on the cusp of peak exhaustion after hitting peaks in every possible field.

Teenage car owner demanding grossly inflated petrol money

17-YEAR-OLD driver Tom Logan is demanding petrol money from friends that is disproportionate to his actual fuel costs.

Thomas Piketty's Capital hailed as an unread classic

ECONOMIST Thomas Piketty's Capital is on course to become the most unread book of the early 21st Century.

Wisdom ends association with beards

THE virtue of wisdom has ended its affiliation with beards.