A MAN hoping to boast about how Glastonbury Festival changed his life has found that people simply could not give a shit.
THE apple crops are looking much better this year, Leave voters have confirmed.
A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.
MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.
EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.
THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.
SOMEONE has briefly changed the subject, it has been confirmed.
SUNDERLAND will become a gleaming, futuristic utopia by 2018 now that Britain is leaving the EU.