UNBEARABLY smug seaside twat haven Brighton is to ban ordinary people.
THE fashionable septum piercing will look cool forever much as eyebrow rings do, it has been claimed.
CHILDREN across the country are excited for a long, magical summer of being cared for by whoever is available.
A TEENAGER has taken the summer job which he will retire from in 2063.
AN AUTHENTICALLY working class area of London will be allowed to continue existing as a tourist attraction.
WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.
WORKERS are demanding postponement of the next tube strike so that they can think up fresh chit chat on the subject.
A 28-YEAR-OLD woman routinely takes an extravagant amount of tobacco when friends offer her a roll up.