Society

Postcards of red phoneboxes to show they're only used for crime

POSTCARDS featuring traditional red phoneboxes must now show they are exclusively used for sex, drugs and public urination.

Miliband unveils massively stupid idea

ED Miliband will take money from pensioners so he can bribe students who are going to vote Labour anyway.

Unlikeability no barrier to success

MORE unlikeable people than ever before are gaining promotion at work, it has emerged.

Your dad could still have you in a fight

MODERN men have been warned that their fathers could easily kick the shit out of them.

Binge drinkers ‘most intelligent and sensitive’

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.

Daily Mail still surprised that people who went to public school can f*ck up

THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.

Opinions restricted to those who have seen new Adam Curtis film

PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.

Overpaid council boss refreshingly open about it

LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.