Crossrail tunnel already smells of urine

THE newly-completed Crossrail tunnel across London already carries a whiff of urine.

Under-10s mostly Nazis

YOUNG children are the most fascist group in Britain, with pensioners a distant second, it has emerged.

Lovers attaching garage doors to bridges

COUPLES are pledging their devotion to each other by placing double up-and-over garage doors at romantic bridges.

Couple with baby really overdoing talk of how great it is

A COUPLE with a new baby are trying too hard to convince their friends and themselves of how awesome it is.

Hot baths solve nothing

GOING for a long, relaxing hot bath will do nothing whatsoever about any of your problems, Britain has been told.

Man paralysed with fear of being dubbed a hipster

A 29-YEAR-OLD man has been left unable to do anything because he fears any activity could be deemed ‘hipsterish’.

Child benefit limited to Ladybird book children

CHILD benefit will only be given to families whose children resemble the 1950s youngsters in Ladybird books.

Police send out clear message that legal highs are not legal

THE police have denied that the illegality of legal highs is in any way confusing.