Society

Public schools still top for producing bastards

INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.

Bulgarians and Romanians are pretending to be Irish, claims Farage

BRITAIN has been invaded by millions of Bulgarians and Romanians, but no one can tell because they are all pretending to be Irish, Nigel Farage has claimed.

Tories pledge free school meals for right-wing children

THE Conservatives have pledged to introduce free lunches for primary school children with traditional, right-wing values.

Plumber just has to go and get something

PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.

Police stopped solving crimes in 2005

THE police have apologised to anyone who thought they still solve crimes.

Richard Littlejohn’s Lost World of Bollocks

The school was made of purpose-built bricks and had doors where you could go in and out, mostly without being felt-up by some pervert.

UKIP defends freedom by reporting everyone to the police

UKIP has launched a passionate defence of traditional Anglo-Saxon freedoms by reporting everyone in Britain to the police.

Housing boom at risk because moving is such a pain in the arse

THE UK's housing boom could collapse as people realise what a nightmare moving is, it has been claimed.