INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has been invaded by millions of Bulgarians and Romanians, but no one can tell because they are all pretending to be Irish, Nigel Farage has claimed.
THE Conservatives have pledged to introduce free lunches for primary school children with traditional, right-wing values.
PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.
THE police have apologised to anyone who thought they still solve crimes.
The school was made of purpose-built bricks and had doors where you could go in and out, mostly without being felt-up by some pervert.
UKIP has launched a passionate defence of traditional Anglo-Saxon freedoms by reporting everyone in Britain to the police.
THE UK's housing boom could collapse as people realise what a nightmare moving is, it has been claimed.