Society

Migrants 'should have to perform passable Morris dance'

ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.

Middle class family makes rare appearance on front porch

A MIDDLE CLASS family have been spotted relaxing in front of their house, in a clear breach of social convention.

UK recklessly getting into debt to buy food

IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.

Couple enters sickening 'framed photos of themselves' phase of relationship

A COUPLE have completely filled their flat with nauseating framed pictures of themselves being in love.

Kids not in f**king school

YOUR kids are not in fucking school because of some teacher training bullshit, it has emerged. 

Couple reluctantly having baby because you're meant to

A COUPLE are having a baby to avoid disappointing the rest of society, they have announced.

'Remember us?' Southern Rail asks terrified commuters

SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.

Britons wake from nightmares about going back to work to find it is a reality

WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.