THE prime minister’s promise to give everyone "the dignity of a job" has confused Britons whose jobs are a humiliating parade of shame.
A MARRIED couple are sending each other flirtatious tweets, horrified onlookers have confirmed.
INEXPLICABLY popular assault course event Tough Mudder has introduced a new obstacle that involves having a conversation about non mud-based things.
THE UK’s ball pits must be accessible to drunk adults, according to new legal guidelines.
A HOMELESS man has returned a coffee that was given to him by someone exploiting Waitrose’s free drinks offer.
THE other foods in your fridge are all scared of the cheese, it has emerged.
USING language to express ideas is far too much trouble, it has been agreed.
SCHOOL halls being used as polling stations have an overpowering childhood stench, it has been claimed.