Society

Army to weaponise different types of gayness

GAY recruits to the armed forces will be asked what kind of gay they are so it can be weaponised.

Viewers gripped by rolling news coverage that’s mostly bollocks

TV news viewers are once again glued to screens filled with endless speculation and wild inaccuracy.

Cats’ New Year resolutions already broken

CATS have once again utterly failed to keep their resolutions to change their ways in the new year.

Apricots vow never to ripen

A GROUP of apricots has pledged to remain hard and sour for all eternity.

Britons planning what to do with extra second

EXCITED Britons are deciding how they will spend the extra second of ‘leap’ time in 2015.

Sense of humour vital to survival of human race

HUMANITY’S ability to laugh at itself is its best hope for survival, according to experts.

Age-gap relationships doomed by different children's TV memories

MOST relationships with an age gap fail because of differing children's television references, it has emerged.

Eight and a half million people trapped in London rapidly losing hope

THE record numbers of people now trapped in the capital believe they have little chance of returning to freedom.