Man celebrates joining middle class by ordering sparkling water rather than tap

A FORMER working class man has marked his move to the middle class by ordering sparkling water, not tap, in a restaurant.

Cracker-eating woman asked to leave bed

A MAN has asked a woman to leave his bed after she started eating crackers in it.

I could kick you in the nuts and there's nothing you can do about it, Prince George tells teacher

PRINCE George has begun school by confirming he can do whatever he wants because he is basically the King.

London friend has genuinely nice house

A NORTHERN man is in shock after his friend's house was revealed to be not just nice for London but actually nice.

Two die in battle for final plug socket in Caffe Nero

TWO laptop users have died in a brawl over the only remaining power source in a coffee shop.

You realise we do all the jobs you can't be arsed to do, say migrants

MIGRANTS have reminded Britain that they do pretty much all the work.

Throwing a shit out of a window now romance

THROWING a turd out of a window, then retrieving it, then being rescued by firemen, is now considered romantic. 

Gullible man thinks he's got secret information from crackpot website again

A MAN has been sharing ‘secret’ information from conspiracy websites that are clearly bullshit.