Society
Out Of Date iPhone Users Forced To Sit At Back Of Bus
PEOPLE who own the out of date iPhone will be forced to sit at the back of the bus, it emerged last night.
Bastards Thinking Of New Names For Your Fat Bits
THE bastard inventors of 'moobs' are working on names for your other fat bits, it has been confirmed.
Office Workers Finally Switch To Crack
AN IMMUNITY to caffeine has led to a growing number of office workers switching to crack, according to new research.
Cheese Rollers Defy Ban On Rural Stereotypes
GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S 'cheese rollers' have defied a health and safety order to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.
Two Years Not Enough To Grow Stupid Hair, Say Students
TWO-year degrees would give students insufficient time to grow stupid, pretentious beards it was claimed last night.
Workshy Must Stand Around Doing Nothing In A Uniform Or Lose Benefits
THE long-term jobless must stand about in big shops wearing polo shirts, the government has confirmed.
Men Getting Less Fussy
BIRTHS to women over 40 have trebled in the last 20 years as men continue to lower their standards, according to latest figures.
We Don't Have Facebook Accounts, Say People Who Care About Privacy
PEOPLE who are even remotely interested in the concept of privacy could not possibly have a Facebook account, it emerged last night.