Society
Billy Joel To Write Song About Greedy Engaged Couples
JOHN Lewis has commissioned Billy Joel to write a beautiful, poignant song about engaged couples and their wedding lists.
Tax Hit Middle Class Threatens Widespread Passive-Aggression
BRITAIN'S middle classes are threatening all-out passive-aggression if the government raises tax on all the nice things they like.
Farmers Using Facebook To Pretend They Have Pointless Office Jobs
THOUSANDS of farmers are using Facebook to play a game where they pretend to work in an office and spend all day doing nothing and talking out of their arse.
Bee!
OH shit, there's a fucking bee in here, it was confirmed last night.
Men Under Pressure To Look Vaguely Presentable
IMAGES of male beauty in the media are forcing men to make some sort of grudging effort to look half-decent, it was claimed last night.
Toddlers Banned From Eating Each Other
NURSERY school children will no longer be allowed to bite chunks out of each under new rules introduced today.
First-Time Buyers Still Pathetic
YOUNG would-be homebuyers are still clinging to their nauseatingly rose-tinted hopes and dreams, it was claimed last night.
National Trust Revamps Historic Dogging Site
THE UK's oldest dogging site has been re-opened by the National Trust, with interactive stranger sex displays and cakes.