Society

Hugely important decision taken without Gmail users

A MASSIVELY important thing was decided yesterday while Gmail users were offline.

Savile police unveil Christmas Eve cliffhanger

DETECTIVES investigating the Jimmy Savile scandal have promised a cliffhanger arrest on Christmas Eve.

Our kids aren't taking enough drugs, say rave parents

PARENTS who experienced rave culture are increasingly concerned about their children's low intake of Class A drugs.

Man wearing f*cking shorts

AS Britain continues to freeze, there have been sightings of a man walking around in shorts.

MPs recommend weed for Tories opposed to gay marriage

CANNABIS should be legalised for Tories who are frightened of the gayness, MPs have claimed.

Patrick Moore probably going to be remembered as an astrologer

STARGAZER Patrick Moore will be remembered an astrologer, because a lot of people are not very bright.

Britain declared uninhabitable

BRITAIN isĀ unsuitable for human life, the UN has declared.