Facebook 'better than sex' if you are unable to make valid comparison

FACEBOOK is better than sex if you have never had sex or have been doing it very badly.

Festive sexual harassment guidelines issued to inappropriate relatives

NEW guidelines have been issued to help sexually inappropriate relatives remain within the law this Christmas.

Men begin idly browsing Amazon for 'woman gift'

MEN have begun half-heartedly looking through Amazon in a bid to buy something appropriate for a female.

Night bus 'final vomit' plans unveiled

EVERY London night bus will undertake a final 'puke parade' before being replaced by the 24-hour tube.

Massive police crackdown on multipack cans sold separately

POLICE forces across the UK are targeting shopkeepers who illegally separate fizzy drink cans from larger groupings.

‘Selfie’ is piece-of-shit society’s Word of the Year

A WORD for a photograph of yourself by yourself is the ‘Word of the Year’ for a society that no longer cares about words.

Age of consent to have upper limit

SEX with people older than 61 is to be made illegal in the UK.

Skateboard not a mode of transport

MATURE skateboarders have been urged to stop pretending a plank on wheels can get them from A to B.