PLANS to shoot badgers have been postponed in favour of a twat cull.
HACKING a mobile phone is not the same as opposing gay marriage, it has emerged.
RUPERT Murdoch is to assume control of England in the wake of revelations about the DJ Jimmy Savile.
BUSY parents are increasingly relying on primates to provide childcare, it has emerged.
THE end of the recession has failed to bring widespread joy.
FIX It badges awarded by Jimmy Savile are to be rounded up, melted down and made into a statue of Britain's favourite, non-threatening children's entertainer.
UNATTENDED cakes have sparked a huge blaze likely to engulf England.