Society

Tax statements to be tailored to your idiotic, tribal prejudice

TAXPAYERS are to receive a detailed breakdown of how their money was spent that is indvidually tailored to their cretinous world view.

Olympics to feature 24-hour Sunday looting

SHOPS will be available for looting during the Olympics 24 hours a day, including Sundays.

Man bored of leading thing that doesn't matter

A MAN who led a thing that doesn't matter for 10 years has become bored of it.

Mother's unconditional love means you don't need to get her anything good

YOUR mother's love for you is unbreakable and so you do not have to spend a lot this Sunday, experts have confirmed.

Why I am leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader

TODAY is my last day at the Empire.

Britain backs CS gas for queues of more than two people

IF there are more than two people in a queue, tear gas should be used without mercy, according to a new report.

Crosses 'help explain why someone is dreadful'

RELIGIOUS symbols in the workplace can help colleagues and customers understand ghastliness, according to new research.

Urban foxes channel energy into DJing

DELINQUENT inner city foxes are being offered free weekend courses in DJ and MC skills in a bid to give them positive focus.