PEOPLE designating themselves as geeks will have to pass a basic exam, it has been confirmed.
BRITAIN has not been reduced to a post-apocalyptic wasteland, populated by insane cannibals, it has been confirmed.
AN old blanket that has been lining a dog's basket is worth $12 billion, it has emerged.
MILLIONS of professionals are beating the back-to-work blues by vowing to maim a colleague or supervisor at some point in 2013.
THE government's ongoing campaign to drive commuters off public transport is having the desired effect.
A STICKER saying a car contains an infant can stop people deciding to drive into the back of it, it has emerged.
WITH proper jobs increasingly scarce, the government has launched a fruit machine skills course aimed at the long-term unemployed.