Twats 'more of a priority than badgers'

PLANS to shoot badgers have been postponed in favour of a twat cull.

Phone hacking not right-wing

HACKING a mobile phone is not the same as opposing gay marriage, it has emerged.

Society to be dismantled following Savile scandal

RUPERT Murdoch is to assume control of England in the wake of revelations about the DJ Jimmy Savile.

46% of middle class children raised by monkeys

BUSY parents are increasingly relying on primates to provide childcare, it has emerged.

Recession 'not source of misery after all'

THE end of the recession has failed to bring widespread joy.

Jim'll Fix It badges to be recalled, melted down and made into statue of Boris Johnson

FIX It badges awarded by Jimmy Savile are to be rounded up, melted down and made into a statue of Britain's favourite, non-threatening children's entertainer.

Bake Off negligence triggers Great Fire

UNATTENDED cakes have sparked a huge blaze likely to engulf England.