MORON parents are to call their babies things like Poe and Kylo Ren, it has been confirmed.
ANYONE unlucky enough to have a birthday in the next month might as well not bother, research has shown.
A MAN has ostensibly forgiven the accidental spillage of his pint while maintaining a threat level close to maximum.
ALL romantic relationships will soon be provided by private companies, the government has announced.
FATHERS have confirmed their plans to spent long periods of the festive season in the lavatory.
PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.
YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.
THE pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.