'Eat a whole multipack of crisps' tops recession bucket lists

RECESSION-HIT Britons have revised their lists of 'things to do before I die' to make them more realistic.

Coffee is the new fags

COFFEE has officially replaced cigarettes as Britain's addictive drug of choice, it has emerged.

Moral indignation outsourced to China

BRITAIN’S sense of moral indignation has been outsourced to a single man in China, it has emerged.

I want no part in this, says sledge

A SLEDGE has distanced itself from the inevitable injuries to its rider.

Lottery price rise 'an unfair tax on the stupid'

DOUBLING the cost of a lottery ticket to £2 represents a tax on idiots, it has been claimed.

Britain told to get used to horse burgers

BRITAIN should not be too fussy about eating horses, economists have warned.

'Sex at work' actually masturbation

ALMOST all reported 'workplace sex' occurs solo, it has emerged.