Drugs report delivered as dance track

GOVERNMENT experts have delivered a report on drugs policy as a rap over a housey beat.

Everyone creepy in the 80s

ALL men alive in the 80s were sordid, creepy perverts, it has emerged.

Territorial Army renamed People With Really Awful Home Lives

THE Territorial Army has been renamed to reflect its target demographic.

Holocaust survivors rally round Church of England

HOLOCAUST survivors have backed George Carey's claim that he is like a victim of the Nazis because he does not like the gays getting married.

Average family weird

THE average British family is deeply unsettling, according to new research.

Still not okay to attack banks who steal your house

IT is still not acceptable to use force against a bank that steals your entire house, ministers have confirmed.

May pledges to bring back the slipper

HOME secretary Theresa May is to call for the restoration of the slipper as a deterrent to Britain's young dodgers, perils and minxes.

Avoiding tax is a good thing, says Jesus

JESUS has settled the argument on tax avoidance by stating, uncategorically, that it is a good thing.