Royal baby 98th on list of things Britons are looking forward to

THE royal baby is ranked just below 'a packet of beef crisps' on a list of things people are anticipating.

Everyone to live at work by 2028

THE government has revealed new measures to help you spend all your time doing work.

Every ounce of fat on women's bodies now given cutesy name

THE announcement that women's double chins are to be called 'mashed mellows' means every bit of lady fat now has a cute-but-hateful name.

Children of unmarried parents to just run around doing murders

ALL children born after 2022 will be born out of wedlock, and lead a life of moral and spiritual poverty, according to research.

People with ginger hair urged to stop saying it is strawberry blonde

A RELUCTANCE to embrace gingerness is fuelling anti-ginger prejudice, it has been claimed.