Government plan to promote car travel 'going brilliantly'

THE government's ongoing campaign to drive commuters off public transport is having the desired effect.

'Baby on Board' stickers dissuade drivers from deliberately crashing into car ahead

A STICKER saying a car contains an infant can stop people deciding to drive into the back of it, it has emerged.

Government launches fruit machine training course

WITH proper jobs increasingly scarce, the government has launched a fruit machine skills course aimed at the long-term unemployed.

Man unable to form opinion on cushion

A FATHER-OF-TWO has entered a trance-like state while trying to decide whether a cushion is nice.

Britain stops pretending to care

AS the Christmas holiday looms, Britons have abandoned all pretence of being interested in their jobs.

Teenage boys 'reduced to ogling shower pictures in catalogues'

A BAN on internet pornography could force teenagers to seek out nipples in the bathroom sections of retail catalogues.

The Mash Guide to Organising a Traditional Eastenders Christmas

MILLIONS will be watching the Christmas edition of Eastenders, but how to arrange your own Albert Square-style festivities?