GREAT Western Trains is to replace the quiet carriage with a new compartment where customers are asked to be just a fraction less fucking irritating than they would otherwise be.
PRISONERS are unanimously going to vote Conservative, it has emerged.
A SEMI-MYTHICAL group of troglodyte ravers has been discovered by workmen at Manchester's legendary Hacienda.
BRITAIN will be a prehistoric barter economy within two years, the Bank of England has predicted.
TIBET'S spiritual leader has delivered an extraordinary rant about the things that do his head in.
THE second-hand value of a beginner-level ukulele has plummeted to £1.12 after thousands simultaneously lost interest in the stringed instrument.
THE wait at Heathrow's border control is now so long that many become full UK citizens while queueing.
ALL the world's women have been ranked by looks in a new list of The World's Sexiest Three Billion Ladies.