A FEW months sleeping under a flyover and eating discarded banana skins never did anyone any harm, the government said yesterday.
A VILLAGE primary school has saved Valentine's Day by giving its ugliest pupils the day off.
THE heart-warming sight of an old-fashioned burglar smashing a toilet window could soon be swept away by a rising tide of joyless online fraud, according to some of Britain's leading thieves.
A QUIET, middle-aged science fiction and traction engine enthusiast has advertised his virginity for £6 or nearest offer.
MOST mobile phones are now more intelligent than their teenage owners, it emerged last night.
TAXI drivers in Southampton have installed signs reassuring passengers they speak nasty, ill-informed horseshit.