Society

Catholic schools launch 'eurgh, benders' petition

PUPILS at Catholic schools are being encouraged to sign a petition against being a total bumpilot.

AA Gill still not being ignored

BRITAIN is still paying attention to a grown man who earns a living writing about restaurants and television.

Audis still Britain’s favourite car to have driving right up your arse

THE Audi has been voted the UK's top car to have six inches from your rear bumper in the outside lane of the motorway.

Olympics doing exactly what they were supposed to

THE 2012 Olympics have been declared a resounding success as the first busload of undesirables was banished from East London.

MPs demand web porn ban so they can get on with some work

POLITICIANS have called for tough curbs on the internet pornography that is distracting them from running the country.

Drunks trash McDonalds over lack of healthy options

ANGRY Friday night vegetarians ran amok in a branch of McDonalds when it failed to offer adequate meat-free and vegan menu choices.

Twitter users shocked to discover 9/11 was real

TEENAGE Twitter users believe that the events of September 11, as portrayed in movies World Trade Center and United 93, were fictional, it has emerged.

Idiot toffs inadvertently end gun culture

URBAN gun culture is officially over after some red trouser-type dickhead waved a fake pistol around.