Society

'The real victims of phone hacking are the people who loathe John Prescott'

THE forgotten victims of the phone hacking scandal are the millions who would love to see John Prescott living under a bridge, it was claimed today.

Thanks, but we have enough money, say tube drivers

UNDERGROUND train drivers have rejected an offer of some extra money for no reason, because they are fine.

The Mashipedia Emergency Fact Service

WITH Wikipedia laid low by chronic indignation, the Daily Mash has unselfishly stepped into the breach with a list of today's Top Ten Must-Have facts.

Gove reminds everyone how pointless the Queen is

MICHAEL Gove today called for everyone to get annoyed about the Queen's unrelenting pointlessness.

Councils granted right to remove vehicles if in a tow-y kind of mood

LOCAL authorities celebrated last night after a High Court ruling gave them the right to impound cars just totally on a whim.

Everyone apologises for everything

EVERYONE has apologised for everything they have ever done, said, or spelled wrong.

No-one in a hurry to get to Birmingham

SUPPORT for the high speed rail link between London and Birmingham was muted yesterday as nobody really wants to go there.

Turd reveals maniac’s hatred of scumbag

BRITAIN is to be dipped in antiseptic after hearing the oozing testimony of Kelvin Mackenzie.