Man realises he is gentrification

A PECKHAM-BASED man has realised that the social transformation of the area is exemplified by him.

Elf on the shelf also judging adults

THE ELF on the shelf, who watches children to ensure they are being good for Santa, is also reporting what their parents get up to.

Britons prepare for war with brief chat at work

BRITONS are preparing for air strikes in Syria with a short, non-committal discussion at work.

‘Fat shaming’ leads to ‘arse kicking’

A MAN who gave an insulting weight-based card to a tough coach driver is currently pinned against a wall.

Too early for Christmas trees, say people who police the behaviour of others in their own homes

IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own f**king house.

Couple decide not to renovate kitchen

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

Parents badgered into buying monkey that smokes fags

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

Millions pretend to have gone on climate march

RECORD numbers of Britons are passionately pretending to have marched against climate change.