GAY people can become Church of England bishops if they promise to just think about boisterous anal sex with a greasy plumber.
A LOUD chorus of tut-tutting will sort out Britain's scumbags, it was confirmed last night.
HEADMASTERS of failing primary schools are to be quizzed on what is so difficult about three-piece jigsaws.
CUNNING socialist Bob Crow has successfully completed a daring reconnaisance mission at an exclusive capitalist restaurant.
AS the festival season begins, there are growing concerns the events are increasingly focusing on music instead of gratuitous, ego-driven amateur photography.
STRIKE action by council workers could lead to a redefinition of the concept of movement, it emerged last night.
SCHOOLS in England and Wales will ditch climate change lessons for a
greater focus on the two week romances between D-List celebrities.
INDEPENDENT regulator Ofcom has outlined plans to protect the public
from the work of cowboy graffiti artists after record complaints about
the standard of British vandalism.