Most people don't have any potential

THE majority of people are already doing things as well as they can, it has emerged.

Spending time together will kill a relationship

SPENDING time with your partner can be fatal for a relationship, experts have warned.

Hipsters are better than you, say researchers

IRONICALLY-moustached hipsters are actually better than you, according to a new study.

Page 3 not evil enough, says Murdoch

PAGE 3 is not doing enough to mess with people's heads, according to Rupert Murdoch.

Britain demands non-oral coffee

COFFEE that can be injected, snorted or put up your arse will soon be available on the high street.

Adults to be reclassified as children

MOST adults are to be reclassified as children due to their total lack of financial or emotional independence.

Dogs condemn microchipping as 'Orwellian'

MANDATORY microchipping is a serious erosion of civil liberties, according to dogs.