Society

Race named as today's thing to talk shit about

RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.

Britain really fancies a pint

MOST of Britain could cheerfully go on a three-day session after just one day back at work, it has emerged.

Mail becomes cause of and solution to racism

THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.

Female MPs overlooked for promotion when they pose for GQ

WOMEN MPs who get all dolled-up and pose for men's magazines are not taken seriously, experts have claimed.

The net closes in on Prince Philip

PRINCE Philip has begun a damage limitation exercise after human remains were discovered at Sandringham.

Scientists capture person who buys fantasy-themed ornaments

THE mysterious individual who single-handedly sustained the market for pewter dragon statuettes is being held at a secure laboratory.

Conga crash claims 37

POLICE are appealing for witnesses after a conga line collision resulted in the deaths of 37 people during a retirement party.

Most betting shop regulars now multi-millionaires

THE majority of people who frequent betting shops are worth in excess of seven figures, according to new data.