Mum sets new record for losing her shit on school run

A MOTHER has set a new British record for totally losing her shit on the morning school run.

Couple in first Corbyn-based divorce

A COUPLE is to become the first in Britain to divorce because of Jeremy Corbyn.

Deranged behaviour fails to save relationship

A COUPLE are puzzled by how their unhinged, paranoid behaviour has failed to save their troubled relationship.

Protesting is latest fad for middle class people who want to be different

MIDDLE CLASS people will spend the autumn protesting about things to prove they are not typically middle class.

Woman’s belief system based on quotes from sandwich boards outside bars

A WOMAN has based her all her thinking on philosophical quotes written on chalk boards outside local businesses.

Grumpy bastards secretly delighted to see Christmas decorations going up

PEOPLE with nothing in their lives but their own incessant whining have smiled inwardly as shops start wheeling out Christmas tat.

Non-twat wondering why he is in ‘Chipping Norton set’

A MAN is wondering why he chooses to spend his time doing horrible things with the worst people in the world.

Man discovers he is not qualified for unskilled labour

A 25-YEAR-OLD man was applying for a job as ‘unskilled labourer’ when he realised he did not meet the criteria.