'Brexiteer' confirmed as most ludicrous English word so far

'BREXITEER' is the most ridiculous English word yet created, experts have confirmed.

Entire country decides to leave things half-finished and f**k off

BRITONS have been inspired to just abandon what they were doing and f**k off.

Southern Rail to replace timetable with avant garde poem

COMMUTERS using Southern Rail will need an advanced degree in modern poetry to know when their train is due.

35-year-old mocked for own-brand Hula Hoops

A 35-YEAR-OLD man is the laughing stock of his office after being seen eating supermarket own-brand Hula Hoops at his desk.

Last ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster ripped off wall

EVERY last poster, mug and T-shirt bearing the ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ slogan has been destroyed in frustrated rage, it has emerged.

Guardian reader secretly loving all this

A GUARDIAN reader is secretly enjoying being even more earnest than usual because of Brexit.

‘Alienated voter' actually just a twat

A MAN who claims he has been ignored by politicians is actually a lazy dipshit who just likes complaining, it has emerged.

Never trust a Jeremy, UK reminded

THE UK has been reminded that it should never, ever trust anyone named Jeremy.