HEAT-crazed Londoners have taken to the streets demanding to be attacked by a water cannon.
BRITONS' manic obsession with having more material goods than their peers is actually just 'lifestyle', according to experts.
A MUG is not an appropriate vessel for cold drinks like squash or water, it has been confirmed.
VETS are charging up to £70 to stick a needle in a cat, it has emerged.
YOUR garden table and chairs have asked if they can come inside with the other furniture for a bit.
OVER 90 per cent of National Trust car sticker owners are career criminals, it has emerged.
DOCTORS will not use voluntary euthanasia laws to do lots of murders, they have confirmed.
THE UK Passport Office has insisted there would be no backlog in applications if everyone could just have the same name.