Living each day like it's your last actually a terrible idea

BEHAVING as if you're going to die tomorrow will lead to humiliating and possibly deadly situations, experts have warned.

Bright poor kids work out they're probably f*cked

MANY poorer pupils are bright enough to understand their own limited prospects, it has emerged.

Man able to crowbar his salary into any conversation

46-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan can turn any conversation around to how much he earns.

Parenting blogger's baby actually a football

AN online parenting expert's baby was actually a football, it has emerged.

Man with Royal Mail shares thinks he's Gordon Gekko

OFFICE worker Tom Booker reckons he's real hot shit after potentially making £350 on Royal Mail shares.

Most mums writing bondage sex book

THE majority of the UK's mothers are writing a novel about sado-masochistic sex, it has emerged.

UK to encourage illiteracy

THE UK is to be adapted to cater to its increasing number of non-literate citizens, the government has announced.

Driving to be restricted to people aged 40 to 60

THE legal driving age is to be restricted to the 20 years of your life when you are least likely to drive like an idiot bastard.