The Mash Guide to Organising a Traditional Eastenders Christmas

MILLIONS will be watching the Christmas edition of Eastenders, but how to arrange your own Albert Square-style festivities?

Year-long wait for dried fruit almost over

BRITAIN'S tantalising wait to get its hands on dried fruit is about to end.

Smart TV disgusted by owner

A SAMSUNG Smart TV is finding its owner increasingly revolting.

UK to vote on return to ‘good old days’

DAVID Cameron has announced there will be a referendum on whether the UK should go back to ‘the good old days’.

Apocalypse confirmed for 4.59pm this Friday

THE world is going to end just as everyone is turning their computer off ready for the Christmas break, it has emerged.

TV chefs want you dead

BRITAIN'S favourite TV chefs are trying to kill you.

2012 told to piss off

THE human race has told 2012 to piss off two weeks early.