THE Pope has used his canonising powers to create a new companion in his steadfast war against sin.
LONDON’S unused buses have been sold off as luxury apartments for the mega-rich.
CREME Egg fans have told Cadbury not to change that weird shit in the middle.
BIRMINGHAM has become the UK’s first all-Klingon city.
THE unquiet ghosts of Christmas internet browsing past are haunting Britain, popping up on every website they visit.
GAY recruits to the armed forces will be asked what kind of gay they are so it can be weaponised.
TV news viewers are once again glued to screens filled with endless speculation and wild inaccuracy.
CATS have once again utterly failed to keep their resolutions to change their ways in the new year.