Winter fuel cash for expats to be stopped because it's idiotic

RETIRED British expats in Southern Europe will no longer get winter fuel payments because it is an incredibly stupid thing that should never have happened, it has emerged.

Everyone admits to being a creepy bastard

EVERYONE in Britain has finally admitted to having a ghoulish fascination with serial killers, Nazis and disfigurement.

Marriage tax breaks 'should be extended to any couple not having sex'

MINISTERS are being urged to extend a tax break for married people to any couple whose sex life is a distant memory.

Air passengers allowed to be as irritating as they like

AIR passengers will be allowed to turn on all devices during take off and landing as long as they turn the volume up as loud as it will go.

London criminals demand nicer police

LONDON’S criminals have told the Metropolitan Police that they disgust them.

Barbecue-based adverts classed as science fiction

TV adverts featuring sunny barbecues should really include jet packs, it has been claimed.

Police interrogations work just as well without 'good cop'

SUCCESSFUL interrogation only requires the bad cop, it has emerged.