Society

Number of people going to university almost back to where it should be

THE number of young people going to university could soon be the same as the number of young people who should be going to university, it has been confirmed.

Cameron acting like the dictator of Gaydonia, says Archbishop

DAVID Cameron is acting as if he is the dictator of the People's Republic of Gaydonia, the Archbishop of York has claimed.

List of people almost given the chance to turn down honours leaked

A SECRET government list of those not quite important enough to be offered an honour they would then not accept has been published.

Bernard Manning defrosted

SEVENTIES comic Bernard Manning is being woken from cryogenic sleep after Ricky Gervais completed preparations for his return, it has emerged.

Pathological self-absorption now mandatory

EVERYONE must place themselves at the centre of the universe immediately, it has been confirmed.

Occupy record 'may have a rap in it'

THE impending first release on the Occupy movement's record label may feature a short burst of rapping, experts have warned.

OK, we'll get jobs, say poor people

BRITAIN'S poor people have finally conceded defeat and vowed to find work first thing this morning.

Ban adverts for things that don't always work, say angry people

THINGS that do not always work perfectly should not be advertised on the television, angry people have claimed.