Society

Unlikeability no barrier to success

MORE unlikeable people than ever before are gaining promotion at work, it has emerged.

Your dad could still have you in a fight

MODERN men have been warned that their fathers could easily kick the shit out of them.

Binge drinkers ‘most intelligent and sensitive’

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.

Daily Mail still surprised that people who went to public school can f*ck up

THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.

Opinions restricted to those who have seen new Adam Curtis film

PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.

Overpaid council boss refreshingly open about it

LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.

‘Vibrant’ restaurant actually just a living hell

A RESTAURANT noted for its ‘vibrant’ and ‘bustling’ atmosphere is really just a wretched hellhole of noise and heat, it has emerged.

Bigotry not a legitimate thing to be proud of

HAVING a racist attitude is not something you can reasonably boast about, it has been confirmed.