French textbooks to feature people having affairs

GCSE French textbooks are to be enhanced with stories of extra-marital liaisons.

Britons to get lessons in splitting up

BRITISH people are to receive coaching in how to split up with each other.

UKIP to buy all the houses in Stevenage

UKIP is to buy houses in Stevenage until it can take over the town and turn it into a self-governing ‘mini-Britain’.

Craft ale pub has 988 very similar types of beer

AN East London 'craft ale' pub offers almost a thousand largely indistinguishable artisan beers.

Moshi Monsters criticised over obscene names

CHILDREN'S game Moshi Monsters has been attacked by parents for having characters named Cockmonger, Twatsy and Big Arsehole.

Middle class 'just working class people with nicer stuff'

MIDDLE class people share 100% of their genetic material with working class people, it has emerged.

Colleague still not back at work

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has still not returned to work after the Christmas break, sparking widespread speculation.

No-one has faintest idea what ‘social cohesion’ is

THE term ‘social cohesion’ has left everyone in Britain utterly baffled, it has been confirmed.