BASICALLY is this year's top superfluous word, it has been confirmed.
FIRST-TIME buyers can now borrow unlimited money to buy a castle, George Osborne has confirmed.
TOOLS for cutting holes in fences cost much less than music festival tickets, it has emerged.
AN attractive young woman in a pretty summer dress is putting men and woman alike in a terrible mood.
INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has been invaded by millions of Bulgarians and Romanians, but no one can tell because they are all pretending to be Irish, Nigel Farage has claimed.
THE government has pledged to introduce free lunches for primary school children with traditional, right-wing values.
PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.