Society

Gyms return to serene emptiness

BRITAIN'S gyms have again become places of calm and spirituality, undisturbed by the general public.

Maplin is where men meet for sex

ELECTRICAL goods specialist Maplin is a front for cottaging, it has emerged.

Outdoors not as good as indoors

AVOID ever going outside, experts have warned.

Afterlife 'bins day is Tuesday'

A MAN who had a near-death experience has returned with a refreshingly detailed account of the afterlife.

London twat drain great for provinces

PROVINCIAL cities have hailed the capital’s boom in knobhead jobs as the best thing that's ever happened to them.

Alpha male 'just a thing some men think they are'

MEN who believe they are alpha males are deluded, it has emerged.

People who do worthwhile things have shit clothes and hair

INDIVIDUALS who achieve useful things don't care about looking or smelling good, it has been confirmed.

Victoria Line filled with people who feel like liquid concrete

LONDON’S Victoria tube line is once again full of people whose lives are solidifying slowly into a large grey slab.