Man staying late in office to imagine having affair

A MARKETING manager is staying in the office until 7pm every night to imagine the illicit thrill of having an affair. 

Aftershave advert inspires bold gesture that immediately backfires

A MAN has found himself unemployed after copying a character from an aftershave advert.

Pathetic little twat can’t wait to argue over 5p bag charge

AN appalling man is gearing himself up for an argument over having to pay five pence for a plastic bag.

Couple exploring exotic new way to get shitfaced

A COUPLE have decided to add some variety to their relationship by getting drunk in front of the television on cocktails.

Everyone has forgotten what Cameron was rumoured to have done

THE story that went round last week about David Cameron has completely disappeared from the public mind, it has emerged.

Child of smoker thrilled with sturdy new boots and compass

THE child of a smoker is thrilled with his sturdy new walking boots and 'military-style' compass.

Northerner terrorised London by saying hello

A NORTHERN man has left a trail of terror across London by attempting to interact socially with everyone he meets.

Love each other, say departing free plastic bags

FREE plastic bags have issued a message of solidarity and respect before going home to deep space.