MEDIEVAL-STYLE surnames that describe a person’s job or characteristics are to be brought back, the government has announced.
TATTOO artists have been told to go back to using foreign languages by observers horrified by the trite sentiments of modern tattoos.
SOME friends in their mid-thirties have made a vague, doomed plan to have a drink.
HEROIN addict Tom Logan has reached a walking speed of 18 miles per hour while going to score.
YOU cannot have any time off at Christmas because everyone else has already booked theirs, it has emerged.
HUNDREDS of women are still being carried around on mens' shoulders as they leave Glastonbury.
THE term ‘socialising’ actually means drinking heavily, it has emerged.
WELL-GROOMED young women who do not take drugs are pretending to be excited about attending Glastonbury Festival.