Society

Parents badgered into buying monkey that smokes fags

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

Millions pretend to have gone on climate march

RECORD numbers of Britons are passionately pretending to have marched against climate change.

‘Saint Andrew’ just another name for Loch Ness monster

SCOTLAND is taking the day off to worship its water dinosaur, it has emerged.

Christmas booze already finished

ALL the alcohol that was being saved for Christmas has already been drunk.

Atheist child being read Bible as fairy tale

A SIX-YEAR-OLD is being read the Old Testament as a fairy story by her proudly atheist father.

Office git wearing scarf at desk

AN office poser has taken to wearing a scarf throughout the working day, not just when outside.

Smug twats planning to give art stuff to other people's children

A PAIR of childless, self-satisfied twats are buying their nieces and nephews some art equipment for Christmas.

Robin f**king hates Christmas

A ROBIN has described its intense dislike of everything associated with Christmas.