Humans getting older without growing up

REACHING physical maturity is no longer the same as growing up, it has emerged.

Scooter kids seize control of pavements

SCOOTER-RIDING youngsters have made pavements no-go areas for pedestrians, it has emerged.

Life is a competition, confirms God

HUMAN existence is all about being better than everyone else, according to God.

Advertisers confusing family meals with happiness

ADVERTS which portray family meals as happy affairs are misleading, it has been claimed.

Console game triggers total collapse of society

POLICE have warned the public to stay indoors until the post-Grand Theft Auto V murder spree has subsided.

Clowns confirm they are evil

CLOWNS have spoken out to confirm their malice and wickedness.

Most Britons to end up living in drunk tanks

MILLIONS of Britons will soon exist in a daily cycle of work, pub, drunk tank.

Office 'best wishes' card signed by five million people

POLICE are trying to trace the recipient of a card signed by an estimated 5,000,000 workers across the UK.