ROMAN Catholic priests are threatening to strike on their busiest night of the year.
CHERIE Blair's sister has converted to Aldi, it emerged last night.
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.
BARONESS Thatcher was making a remarkable recovery from illness last night, as she gained sustenance from Britain's collective trauma.
EFFORTS to get Britain's stupidest people online by 2011 have been suspended after free modems were boiled or used as hats.
POLICE are stopping disproportionate numbers of ethnic minorities purely so that they can act 'street', it has emerged.
A PROGRAMME of paid sterilisation is to be extended to people who are still watching Glee.