Matching North Face jackets mandatory for couples aged 45 and over

MIDDLE-AGED couples are legally required to wear matching practical jackets to even the most inappropriate occasions, it has been confirmed.

Personality survey finds rational Britons desperately outnumbered

A NATIONWIDE personality study has found that only 0.4 per cent of the population is not obsessed with sofas and fighting.

Secret Nazi hideout found in Bromley

THE ruins of a secret Nazi fortress have been discovered in suburban south-east London.

Clarkson to live in a forest entertaining right-wing animals

JEREMY Clarkson has become a wild man who talks to rabbits about how magpies are scroungers.

Journalist would kill everyone in room for heartwarming story

A NEWSPAPER journalist has admitted she will stop at nothing, including murder, to get an uplifting human interest story.

South London houses become stately homes

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.

Budget calculator reveals you’ve wasted your life

CALCULATORS that show how your petty finances are affected by the Budget are instead offering harsh moral judgments.  

Nu-Lads and hipsters in Brighton beach battle

A SEASIDE town is being plagued by confrontations between rival youth fashion tribes.