BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.
MOST British children are now being raised by goats, dogs, rats and monkeys, according to new research.
THE seaside resort of Ilfracombe is to place teenage pregnancy rates at the heart of its economic development strategy.
POLICE arresting suspects to gain their DNA are hoping to breed a new species of super-criminal in a bid to increase overtime payments, it emerged last night.
A CITY financier accused of sending obscene Latin messages to a work experience girl could soon find himself being irrumaboed and pedicaboed 24 hours a day, it was claimed last night.
SOCIAL networking websites have been criticised for not introducing a help button for users to report awful, boring tits.