DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.
FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.
THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.
PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.
ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.
OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.
DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.
INCREASINGLY narcissistic Britons only want to have sex with themselves, it has emerged.