Cats’ New Year resolutions already broken

CATS have once again utterly failed to keep their resolutions to change their ways in the new year.

Apricots vow never to ripen

A GROUP of apricots has pledged to remain hard and sour for all eternity.

Britons planning what to do with extra second

EXCITED Britons are deciding how they will spend the extra second of ‘leap’ time in 2015.

Sense of humour vital to survival of human race

HUMANITY’S ability to laugh at itself is its best hope for survival, according to experts.

Age-gap relationships doomed by different children's TV memories

MOST relationships with an age gap fail because of differing children's television references, it has emerged.

Eight and a half million people trapped in London rapidly losing hope

THE record numbers of people now trapped in the capital believe they have little chance of returning to freedom.

The Shard now growing independently

LONDON’S Shard building has grown two new floors without anyone having worked on it.

Epiphany means shit presents can be listed on Ebay

MILLIONS of unwanted presents are being listed online to commemorate Jesus’s parents flogging their gifts from the wise men.