Language evolving but not in a good way

ENGLISH is evolving in the wrong direction thanks to text messaging and social media.

Jesus to get percentage of Christmas sales revenue

IN a landmark legal ruling, Jesus will receive 2.4% of total UK present sales revenue.

Immigration down as foreigners finally do some research

IMMIGRATION has fallen after people finally bothered to find out what Britain is actually like.

What's a 'Leveson'? asks The Internet

THE thing where everyone gets their news has promised to find out what a 'Leveson' is.

98% of Union Jacks are upside down

ALMOST every Union Jack flag in the UK is currently flying upside down, it has emerged.

Mail will 'defend to death' the right to publish photos of Ben Affleck's daughter

THE Daily Mail today pledged it would die before surrendering the right to publish photos of Seraphina Affleck.

Connoisseurs of super strength lager angered by alcohol decision

APPRECIATORS of super strength lager's complex flavours feel they are being victimised by the government.

Britain in free-press bullshit extravaganza

BRITAIN is today enjoying a world class exchange of self-righteous bullshit.