Britain 'must take more drugs'

FALLING drug use is a serious threat to the economy, ministers have warned.

US sitcoms 'pressurising women into kookiness'

A GLUT of kooky female sitcom characters is putting women under pressure to be pixie-like, it has been claimed.

Anything about drugs accused of glamorising drugs

ANY programme, book, film or remark about drugs makes them seem glamorous, it has emerged.

'Why did you create me?' weeping McKenzie asks police

A TEARFUL Kelvin McKenzie yesterday asked South Yorkshire Police why they had to make him exist.

Bishops fighting to the death

BISHOPS wearing futuristic body suits are locked in deadly combat beneath Gloucester cathedral.

Free turnips to quell 'plebs' row

DAVID Cameron is offering a 'lovely turnip' to every non-land owning home to counter accusations of Tory elitism.

Unemployed youngsters 'make excellent pets'

YOUNG people with time on their hands can become domestic pets under a government pilot scheme.

Seagulls are delicious, says Osborne

GEORGE Osborne has produced his own glossy booklet of money-saving tips for benefits claimants.