Britain in Bloom to include cannabis plants

BRITAIN'S biggest horticultural campaign has introduced an award for Best Grow Room.

Comic Relief money spent on assassins

ALL of the £76M raised on Red Nose Day will be used to hire a crack team of killers, Comic Relief confirmed.

Pope warns against compassion

POPE Francis has urged Catholics not to waste their valuable time on caring.

Pot Noodle nostalgia misplaced

THE return of Pot Noodle manufacturing to the UK has reminded the public they are shit.

Britain gets 24-hour music amnesty

FANS of unforgivable shit have been given a chance to hand in their CDs.

'Mum hair' actually designed to ward off men

MIDDLE-AGED mothers get that 'interesting' short haircut so men will leave them alone, it has emerged.

Parents working just to avoid their kids

THE high cost of child care means that most parents only work to avoid their kids, it has emerged.