Society

Busy parents ask schools to beat their children

ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.

Coke-snorting jungle fever is the real America, says Palin

SARAH Palin last night claimed drug taking and having sex with tall muscly black men was the dream of every real American.

We were so right about Hari, say bullshit merchants

IDIOT journalist Johann Hari was last night roundly condemned by the usual bunch of self-regarding bullshitters.

Britain may contain up to 60 million slaves

AS many as 60 million slaves could be living in Britain, it was claimed last night.

Café owner going to kill laptop-using bastard

COFFEE shop owner Tom Logan is about to murder the Mac user who has bought one cup of tea in four hours, it has emerged.

Nice posh people almost extinct


BRITAIN'S last remaining posh person who doesn't show off or know celebrities and lets local kids play in her maze, was close to death last night.


'Feral' comment wrong because it came from Ken Clarke, say experts

DESCRIBING the semi-literate moral vacuums who looted England as 'feral' is wrong because Ken Clarke said it, experts have confirmed.

Ministers to tackle greenbelt backlash with 4m Hobbit holes

MINISTER are to tackle rising anger over new planning laws by pledging to dig more than 4m new Hobbit holes over the next 10 years.