Monopoly dog 'could be next prime minister'

THE dog from Monopoly could easily win the next general election, it has emerged.

Minimum entry requirement introduced for geeks

PEOPLE designating themselves as geeks will have to pass a basic exam, it has been confirmed.

Britain not a smouldering heap, proclaim Cameron and Clegg

BRITAIN has not been reduced to a post-apocalyptic wasteland, populated by insane cannibals,  it has been confirmed.

Slobbery dog blanket valued at $12 billion

AN old blanket that has been lining a dog's basket is worth $12 billion, it has emerged.

'Maim colleague' is top New Year's resolution

MILLIONS of professionals are beating the back-to-work blues by vowing to maim a colleague or supervisor at some point in 2013.

Government plan to promote car travel 'going brilliantly'

THE government's ongoing campaign to drive commuters off public transport is having the desired effect.