Rich to piss money away on degrees for idiot spawn

RICH parents could soon be offered the chance to waste up to £100,000 buying Oxbridge degrees for their cretinous children.

Rich List converging with Sleazy List

THE 2011 Sunday Times Rich List is almost identical to the 2011 Sleazy List, it emerged last night.

Princess Beatrice's hat offered own TV series

THE hat worn by Princess Beatrice at the Royal Wedding has been offered its own chat show.

It's not telly if you watch it on a computer, say middle class people

MIDDLE class people have asserted their right to feel smug about not having a television despite watching exactly the same shit on computers.

Everyone goes mental for strangers' wedding

TERRIFYING numbers of people are going nuts on the streets of England because two people they've never met are getting married in a big church.

Friday April 29, 2011: A time to clean the fridge

ACROSS the country, British people are readying themselves for a once-in-a-lifetime fridge-cleaning moment.

Games console 'stole millions of players' lives'

MILLIONS of Playstation users are in turmoil after it emerged that the console had stolen huge chunks of their existences.

Idiots face SAS book shortage

SAS recruitment problems may leave Britain's idiots with nothing to read on holiday, experts have warned.