Games console 'stole millions of players' lives'

MILLIONS of Playstation users are in turmoil after it emerged that the console had stolen huge chunks of their existences.

Idiots face SAS book shortage

SAS recruitment problems may leave Britain's idiots with nothing to read on holiday, experts have warned.

Britain's workers grant themselves three days of semi-holiday

THE UK's employees aren't going to be doing a lot this week, they have announced.

Nine hundred Christians make slight change to their delusion

ALMOST one thousand Anglicans are to mark Easter by making a slight adaptation to their voodoo.

Wedding video maker sued for accurate portrayal of tedious day

A CAMERAMAN faces legal action after failing to make a wedding look better than it actually was.

Online daters at risk from people pretending to be quirky

LONELY individuals seeking love online are being exploited by people who pretend to have funny little ways about them, it has emerged.

Churches to charge for choirboy photos

VISITORS to churches have been banned from photographing choristers unless they pay a sum based on the boy's prettiness.

Days before M1 returns to suicide-inducing normality

IT could be at least three days before motorists can return to pondering suicide on the M1, officials have warned.