Twitter not allowed to be completely full of shit

SOME of the things that appear on Twitter have to be vaguely accurate, the High Court has ruled.

Men ordered to be ashamed of their bodies

BRITISH men must attend a series of self-hate seminars to increase their body neuroses.

Men in balaclavas offer soothing prospect of war

MEN wearing balaclavas have been making a dreadful situation better.

Britain to be physically removed from Europe

BRITAIN is to be detached from the Earth's crust and moved away from Europe.

Motorists and cyclists unite against pedestrians

CAR and bike owners have agreed that they hate people who travel on foot.

Gay marriage will affect things that don't matter, reveals Tebbit

GAY marriage could force Britain to read about a newly married lesbian queen opening a hospital, it has emerged.

Gay people to continue having lots of hot sex

BRITAIN'S gay men and women have defied angry Tories by taking their gayness to a new and hotter level.