Guardian-reading teacher suspended for tedious Facebook timeline

A TEACHER has been suspended after using her Facebook Timeline to expose pupils to the minutiae of her Guardian reading habits.

Drug lords back watered-down booze

PLANS to dilute alcoholic drinks have won the enthusiastic support of Britain's heroin kingpins.

Refusing to have fun now a sackable offence

TOUGH new policies on workplace fun will make enjoyment of group activities non-negotiable, it has emerged.

NHS to use frantic hand gestures

NHS staff are to start miming what they want to do to foreign patients in a bid to save money.

Dickens no longer relevant to thieving street orphans

THE works of Charles Dickens have nothing to offer London's 21st Century thieving underclass, say experts.

Panic as Britain Huhneless

BRITAIN is in the hands of a Huhneless government.

Rioters 'not introduced to violence early enough'

A SENIOR Labour MP has blamed last year's riots on parents failing to introduce their children to violence as quickly as possible.

Controversial thinker behind 'insania' theory to address Oxford Union

THE radical philosopher who believes the world is in the grip of combined insanity and mania is to speak at Oxford University.