Teabag not given proper two-hour side-of-sink mourning period

NORTHERN parents are furious with their son for throwing a used teabag straight in the bin instead of showing it the proper respect.

Royalists now just weird people

THE only people who support the monarchy are rather strange with a lot of time on their hands, it has emerged.

Mums vow to keep you updated on people you barely knew at school

MUMS have renewed their pledge to keep phoning with news about people you didn’t really know at school.

Liking mornings linked to being stupid

PEOPLE who are upbeat in the morning have extremely low intelligence, it has been confirmed.

Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

ADULTS are violently arguing in an office this morning because of the public’s decision to give a boat a stupid name.

Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers.

Cafe customer plugs in laptop, kettle and toaster

A MAN in a cafe has plugged in his computer and various items of kitchen equipment, it has emerged.

Millions of women left unabused after Twitter outage

WOMEN across the world experienced a 50-minute gap in online abuse last night after Twitter was hit by technical problems.