Society
Rich Early Favourites In Battle Against Poor
LABOUR'S bid to engineer a battle between rich and poor will almost certainly result in a resounding victory for the rich, it was claimed last night.
Poor People Are So Tedious, Say Experts
A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
Internet Porn Safety Lessons To Replace Maths
MATHS will finally be dropped from the school curriculum so that children can be taught the safest way to find pornography on the internet.
Christmas Markets 'Are Trojan Horse For Nazi Invasion'
TRADITIONAL German Christmas markets are the vanguard of a massive Nazi invasion, it was claimed last night.
UK Children Approaching Maximum Thickness
BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.
London Awash With Ponces
A NEW report into the trauma of travelling by tube has revealed that London is awash with whining ponces.
Most Children Now Raised By Goats
MOST British children are now being raised by goats, dogs, rats and monkeys, according to new research.
New Campaign Urges Teens To 'Get Up The Spout In Ilfracombe'
THE seaside resort of Ilfracombe is to place teenage pregnancy rates at the heart of its economic development strategy.