Society

UK just wants normal telly back

ORDINARY Britons have demanded politicians stop being on the television.

Britain’s economy realises it’s just a load of bullshit

BRITAIN’S economy has slowed after it realised it was living in a fantasy world.

Stealing a car now less hassle than hiring one

BRITISH holidaymakers have been advised to steal a car rather than trying to rent one.

Guardian backs campaign to reclaim Brixton from Guardian readers

THE Guardian has condemned the middle-class gentrification of Brixton by its own readers.

Real-life Hulk only transforms when on hold to call centres

A MAN who turns into the Hulk has revealed it never happens when he actually needs it.

Money saving tips ‘cause you to die alone’

DEVOTING your life to money-saving tips will cause you to die alone and unloved, experts have warned.

Starbucks staff allowed to draw erections on cups

BARISTAS at Starbucks are permitted to draw erect penises on attractive customers’ cups, it has emerged.

Central Line trains get stuck in fifth circle of Hell

THERE have been severe delays to London Underground’s Central Line because of difficulty crossing the swampy waters of the river Styx.