Lost rave tribe found beneath Hacienda

A SEMI-MYTHICAL group of troglodyte ravers has been discovered by workmen at Manchester's legendary Hacienda.

UK 'will return to Stone Age by 2014'

BRITAIN will be a prehistoric barter economy within two years, the Bank of England has predicted.

Dalai Lama goes off on one about sales calls

TIBET'S spiritual leader has delivered an extraordinary rant about the things that do his head in.

Ukulele market crashes

THE second-hand value of a beginner-level ukulele has plummeted to £1.12 after thousands simultaneously lost interest in the stringed instrument.

Border hopefuls queueing long enough to gain citizenship

THE wait at Heathrow's border control is now so long that many become full UK citizens while queueing.

World's female population listed in order of attractiveness

ALL the world's women have been ranked by looks in a new list of The World's Sexiest Three Billion Ladies.


Cameron: I preferred Razzle to Knave

PRIME minister David Cameron has revealed his boyhood softcore porn preferences, including a penchant for 'grimy' Razzle.

Men not doing anything helpful until they get equal rights

MEN'S rights campaigners are refusing to lift a finger around the house until anti-male gender discrimination ends.