Kissing lesbians offered free bottle of wine

TWO lesbians who kissed in a pub were offered a free bottle of white wine in a bid to crank things up a notch.

Middleton leased to Berlusconi in bid to slash deficit

BRITAIN'S attractive future queen could generate valuable revenue by offering discreet personal services, experts have claimed.

Key to happiness is 'being left alone by happiness campaigners'

THE secret to lasting happiness is being left alone by people who think your mood is any of their business, it has emerged.

Angry, confused old women to decide everything

EVERYTHING in Britain is to be run past a panel of scrunch-faced harridans.

Spiral Tribe plans week-long royal wedding techno street party

NOTORIOUS rave organisers Spiral Tribe are to stage an extended, royal wedding street party until everyone collapses.

Oxford 'has enough black students for Earth, Wind and Fire tribute band'

OXFORD University has dismissed accusations of discrimination insisting it has enough black students for a full-scale tribute to Earth, Wind and Fire.

Interns to be paid for the work they create

THE slack-jawed offspring of company executives should be paid for the extra tasks they generate during work experience, it has been claimed.

Oh, go on then, say universities

UNIVERSITIES have decided that they would like to make more money rather than less.