Riots caused by police when they finally turned up

THE August riots were provoked by the people who were nowhere to be seen for the first two days, a study has found.

Coffee blamed for infant Italianisation

EXPECTANT mothers frequenting high street coffee shops risk passing on Italian traits to their unborn children, it has been claimed.

BBC apologises for making Piers Morgan look comparatively good

THE BBC has issued an apology after comments by Jeremy Clarkson made it possible for Piers Morgan to appear relatively human.

Appeal of little dogs remains mysterious to everyone except little dog owners

RESEARCHERS into the phenomenon of tiny dog ownership have been unable to fathom why you would want one of those things in your house.

Things so shit that Christmas seems almost appealing

THE tidal wave of woe sweeping the UK is such that ordinary, sane adults are actually quite looking forward to Christmas.

Outrage over reaction to Clarkson reaction reactions

BRITAIN was trapped in a 'death spiral' of infinite complaints last night.

Alastair Campbell 'is a tabloid newspaper'

ALASTAIR Campbell is exactly the same as a tabloid newspaper, experts have confirmed.

Strikers told to be home in time for Newsround

BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.