The Mash guide to not talking about Thatcher

IT has been 24 hours since the Great Passing and many people are now extremely bored and ready to move on.

Thatcher's grave 'not a nightclub'

THE general public has been warned of the health and safety pitfalls of dancing on Thatcher's grave.

People with no idea who Thatcher was 'ecstatic' that she's dead

THOUSANDS of people under 35 are rejoicing at the demise of a woman they once read about.

Northern Britain already hammered

EVERYONE in Britain north of Birmingham is already very drunk indeed.

New teen police commissioners to be at least 54

NEW youth police commissioners must be at least 54 and really into the first six albums by Yes.

Unprofitable families to be privatised

LOSS-MAKING families are to be sold off by the government.

Osborne: Let's end the stigma of disabled parking

GEORGE Osborne says parking in disabled people's spaces can boost their self-esteem.