34% of personalities entirely hat-based

THE number of people who are distinguishable only by a hat they wear has risen dramatically.

Religion still being taken seriously

RELIGION is still being taken seriously by billions of people, according to new research.

80s free school launched

A RETRO fanatic has set up a free school providing a traditional 1980s education.

If you need me I'll be in the pub, Charles tells Queen

PRINCE Charles has instructed his mother that he intends to wait out his days as heir to the throne in the pub.

Cynics released from Olympic dungeons

BRITAIN'S 500,000 cynics have been released from temporary incarceration below the Olympic stadium.

Benefits allocated using game show-style challenges

BENEFIT assessments have been replaced by TV game show-inspired challenges including 'Dole or No Dole'.

Britain hails return of normal telly

AFTER weeks of Olympics, Britons are celebrating the end of disruption to the television schedules.

Lunchtime pints key to economic recovery

DRINKING at least three pints of beer at lunchtime could put Britain's economy back on track, it has been claimed.