All laws suspended to promote shopping frenzy

'BLACK Friday' shoppers have been told it is fine to kill or maim anyone getting in their way.

Stupid poor people are stupid and poor, says massive blonde-haired child

THE debate over social mobility was reignited last night thanks to an opinion from an economy-sized boy.

Straight men to have casual sex with each other

HETEROSEXUAL men are to address the gender imbalance in appetite for casual sex by just doing it with each other.

Grown men sleeping in street to get video games machine

ADULT men have been sleeping outdoors because they want an electronic toy.

Sex survey finds 100% of editors want excuse to publish sexy picture

ALL newspaper and website editors will take any excuse to run a picture of naked people, according to a new sex survey.

Facebook 'better than sex' if you are unable to make valid comparison

FACEBOOK is better than sex if you have never had sex or have been doing it very badly.

Festive sexual harassment guidelines issued to inappropriate relatives

NEW guidelines have been issued to help sexually inappropriate relatives remain within the law this Christmas.

Men begin idly browsing Amazon for 'woman gift'

MEN have begun half-heartedly looking through Amazon in a bid to buy something appropriate for a female.