Minor achievement rewarded with three-day bender

A MAN has gone on a three-day bender to reward himself for a relatively small life achievement, it has emerged.

Woman believes in life after death but not in a ridiculous Christian way

A WOMAN is convinced there is life after death but without the unfashionable Christian elements, she has revealed.

Normal mugs almost wiped out by aggressive Sports Direct mugs

BRITAIN’S indigenous mugs are being wiped out by the larger and more aggressive Sports Direct mugs.

Hungover office worker convinced headphones make him invisible

A HUNGOVER office worker is this morning hoping that wearing headphones will somehow make him invisible.

Middle class man unsure if he was mocked by group of working class men

A MAN has been left bewildered by a social interaction with other, more common men.

Six-year-old taken on term-time holiday will never catch up on colouring

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl taken on holiday during the school term will be a week behind in colouring for the rest of her life, teachers have confirmed.

Married friends pretending to feel sorry for divorced man

THE married friends of a recently divorced man are trying very hard to sound like they feel sorry for him, it has emerged.

Friend lost to aspirational bullshit

FRIENDS of 28-year-old Julian Cook fear they have lost him forever after he embraced aspirational bullshit.