McDonalds relaunched as moody teen hangout

FAST food giant McDonalds is re-branding its restaurants as foodless leisure spaces for bored, hostile teenagers.

Miliband's Oxbridge club binged on Star Wars

LABOUR leader Ed Milliband was part of an Oxbridge social club that would watch Star Wars up to 48 times in a row, it has emerged.

Incredible Melanie's article challenges stereotypes of horrible people

INSPIRING Melanie Phillips has overcome potentially debilitating horribleness to pen an article about the Paralympics.

Parade to celebrate victorious Boris

BORIS Johnson is to be carried through London on a golden sedan chair carried by Bradley Wiggins, Mo Farah, Jessica Ennis and Ellie Simmonds.

Heathrow Airport to cover entire South East

IN a move to kick start the economy, Heathrow Airport will be extended to cover everything between Ipswich and Portsmouth.

Disability benefits to be replaced by medals

THE disability benefits system will be replaced by medals for things like shutting up and getting on with it, it has emerged.

Maybe you just need to learn more, GCSE students told

PUPILS protesting GCSE results have been asked to consider whether they might get better exam results if they learn more things.

Cannabis smokers still cleverer than lager fans

POT smokers generally have more brain cells than people who like lager, it has been claimed.