Society
TUC Backs Workplace Tit Ban
BRITAIN'S trade unions have called for a ban on workplace tits, claiming they are demeaning to women and could block fire exits.
Skank Gene Isolated
TEENAGE girls who have sex before they are old enough to have a library card are a victim of their DNA, it was claimed last night.
90% Of Children Prefer Terrifying Amounts Of Skunk
NINE out 10 children never want to smoke cigarettes, preferring the spiralling high of hydroponically grown skunk, according to a new survey.
Rural Folk Turn To Porn Pigeons
PEOPLE in rural areas with poor internet access are receiving their pictures of vaginas by courier pigeon.
Everyone Now Assuming You're A Kiddie-Fiddler
YOU look like you might be one of them dirty, horrid kiddie-fiddlers, it was confirmed last night.
Scientists Recommend Massive Arguments
BLAZING, expletive-filled rows, resulting in one partner sleeping on the couch are good for your health, it was claimed last night.
Beatles Video Game Brings Cutting-Edge Technology To Mid-Life Crisis
A CONSOLE game based on the Beatles is heralding a new wave in interactive mid-life crises for balding, insecure GQ readers, it was claimed last night.
Job Ads To Encourage Lazy British Imbeciles
EMPLOYERS will have to advertise jobs to idle British morons for at least a month before they can be offered overseas, it was confirmed last night.