Slightly odd man anticipates record libel win

A MAN who lives on his own is expecting a record libel payout after being called ‘paedo’ by local teenagers every day for the past 16 years.

Moon-gnomes defend Steiner free schools

TINY elemental beings known as 'moon-gnomes' have defended the opening of state-funded Steiner free schools.

Religion still main threat to Church's credibility

THE religion aspect of the Church of England is still more problematic than any gender discrimination, it has been claimed.

Duncan Smith models jaunty, bright-red benefits cap

The government’s new benefits cap is a cheerful bright red and must be worn by everyone who receives state benefit.

Low turnout sees one-eyed drug boss elected as police commissioner

DISFIGURED crack dealer Stephen Malley has been elected police commissioner for Gloucestershire.

Pudsey electrified to prevent hugging

ANY child that touches Pudsey bear will get a massive electric shock, it has emerged.

Iceland mockery vital to middle class self-esteem

THE middle class would collapse into self-loathing without frozen food store Iceland to look down on, it has been claimed.