'Bring back British hand swearing'

THE traditional British V-sign is being undermined by the transatlantic 'middle finger' type of hand abuse, it has been claimed.

Dolphins reject human status

SCIENTISTS hoping to give dolphins the same rights as humans have been told to button it by the creatures themselves.

Drought 'could make Mancunians take off anoraks'

BRITAIN'S impending drought could force Mancunians to remove their anoraks for the first time since 1990.

Millions remember the martyrdom of Saint Pancake

CHRISTIANS worldwide have remembered the martyrdom of St Pancake of Antioch, who was stuffed full of hot cheese, fried and repeatedly thrown into the air around 530 AD.

Vulnerable man lauds volunteers who 'keep him going'

PHILIP Clarke, who has poor eyesight, has issued a heartfelt thanks to big-hearted volunteers who help him live his life.

Middle-class drug abuse linked to Radio 2 'shout outs'

AN epidemic of anti-anxiety drug usage has been blamed on increasingly protracted 'shout outs' by callers to BBC Radio 2.

Cheryl Cole fighting evil younger self from parallel universe

CHERYL Cole's feud with former protegé Cher Lloyd has been exposed as a trans-dimensional conflict for the future of the Earth itself.

Parking fines replaced by kick in testicles

TRAFFIC wardens in England and Wales are to be given new powers to kick motorists in the groin.