LONDON is now officially sponsored by its cocaine dealers.
THE people, places, objects and locations that make up the physical world are not as fulfilling as smartphones, it has emerged.
FUSSY, demanding people are hinting that they have mild OCD as a means of justifying their behaviour.
THE majority of cinemagoers only do it to annoy strangers by talking and making rustling sounds, it has emerged.
PARENTS have welcomed a move by broadband providers to shield children from images of desirable toys.
MORE must be done to stop state school pupils monopolising all the repetitive low-paid jobs, it has been claimed.
A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl has written a letter to a train company asking why they are such bastards.
A COUPLE have vowed to lie about how they met after getting together at a social gathering.